Colliding Meteors
by IdreamofEddy
Summary: EDITED Starts during Chap.3 of New Moon. Edward leaves Bella. Sam does not find Bella,someone else does. This is Jasper/Bella, Lots of profanity, adult situations. AU and more than a little OOC. JasperXBella
1. Chapter 1 Taken

Colliding Meteors

Chapter 1. Taken

**AN: This story, my first ever, was originally published at the end of 2008 and was completed in the spring of 2009. Credit for God of War and Peter Knows SHIT goes to...me.**

**Seriously, I am amazed at what this story and it's characters has inspired over the last few years. Especially when this was such crap to begin with. I am cleaning it up without taking away the essence or the character portrayal as I repost. Let's face it, people that shit...needed some help. Still rather read the original? Google that bitch. **

**This story starts just after Edward left Bella. I've posted the first part below as reference. Please remember that this story is AU and I have manipulated some of the story line from both Twilight/Midnight Sun.**

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**(Pages 74-75 of New Moon by Stephenie Meyer)**

_**Sometime later, the rain woke me up. I don't think I'd really fallen asleep, I was just lost in an unthinking stupor holding with all my strength to the numbness that kept me from realizing what I didn't want to know.**_****

_**The rain bothered me a little. It was cold. I unwrapped my arms from around my legs to cover up my face.**_****

_**It was then that I heard the calling again. It was farther away this time, and sometimes it sounded like several voices were calling at once. I tried to breathe deeply. I remembered that I should answer, but I didn't think they would be able to hear me. Would I be able to shout loud enough?**_****

_**Suddenly there was another sound, startlingly close. A kind of snuffling, an animal sound. It sounded big.**_

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***B*E*L*L*A***

But just as soon as I heard the snuffling, it stopped, and I could only hear my breathing. My breathing was labored, and the thought occurred to me that perhaps the damp forest floor and the rain was not doing wonders for my health.

A fleeting thought, really, as my curiosity was also piqued momentarily because of the silence the forest had taken - no wind, no leaves rustling, no noise whatsoever. Time seemed to stand still. The stillness and the quiet in that brief moment, however, was short lived.

Something growled.

It was a quiet and low feral growl, from an animal somewhere behind me, and its growl started to get louder and louder as it approached until it was directly behind me. So close, that if I had the energy or the willpower to reach behind me and touch this animal, I could. Some part of my mind told me that it wouldn't be wise to do that.

My heart stuttered in my chest, and the growl that was beginning to elicit sheer terror out of me went silent. The hairs raised on the back of my neck. It _was_ directly behind me.

I didn't move, and I realized that I was holding my breath. I could hear the voices calling for me again - much closer, but still far away. I inhaled just slightly, and as silently as possible, and that was it; the end of my numbness, and the end of the stillness.

The air was whipping by my head, so cold it burned the skin of my face, and my ears. I could feel my eardrums pulsing and popping from the air flow. I was no longer on the forest floor. My eyes were still closed - I was not able to open them at the force of the wind hitting my face. Something was wrapped around the right side of my neck, crushing and gripping me all the way into my chest. I wondered if my bones would snap.

Pain. Crushing Pain.

Breathing through my nose was the only option. I couldn't open my mouth - maybe because I was too stunned or maybe it was because of the velocity at which we traveled. I felt like I was falling, but not, because I wasn't falling down - I was moving forward. I guess it was a few seconds before it sunk in as to what was going on, and the something hard that had my neck in a vice grip like a football was not a _something_, but a someone. I was being dragged.

Judging by the way I was being held, it was not the _someone_ who I had been following into the forest in the first place.

My feet were dragging along the fast moving ground, hitting tree roots, rocks, and whatever else lay on the forest floor. The pain was terrible. There was a burning sensation in my shin and right foot. I felt branches whipping by my lower legs, ripping my jeans.

I started to scream, the pain and the burning excruciating, and I felt my boot being ripped off - my sock the only thing cushioning my foot from the terrain it was dragging along, and it was being torn and ripped away gradually.

It was then that the thought occurred to me to bend my knees and hold my feet up, but even this action was painful. With the velocity by which we were traveling, it was incredibly difficult to keep them up. Survival mode had somehow crept in and I was able to get my left arm and hand to push on the my assailant's back, trying to push myself free.

Brett Favre, Joe Montana, or whoever this fucker was tightened their grip and I felt a pop in my right shoulder. I screamed in agony. Even my leg being snapped under James did not hold a candle to this pain.

_Dear God, please let me die_.

The pain was so terrible that my mind finally gave up. I sighed in relief, knowing I was only heading into unconsciousness, or maybe death.

_Edward leaped into the air off the shore line, probably some thirty to forty feet. He tucked his legs into his chest curling his arms around them. He spinned his body gracefully, turning some somersaults before he straightened out his body, pointed his toes, and tucked his head in for a dive that any Olympic diver or spectator would envy._

_He entered the water about fifteen feet away from Alice and I. We were sitting on the lower rocks by the edge of the shoreline of a clear mountain lake miles away from home. July was proving to be a nice, warm, sunny month, even for the Olympic Peninsula, leaving the Cullens to carry out fun time in the most remote of places._

_Charlie had allowed me to go on this weekend trip with the Cullens, knowing I would be in the parental supervision of Carlisle and Esme. Alice also begged him into submission. There were promises made that no funny business would occur between Edward and I, as we would be sleeping in separate tents - the girls in one, and the boys in the other. Yeah, right._

_Charlie needn't have worried in the first place. Edward and his hands never roamed too far. We shared a boatload of wonderful kisses, and sometimes he would lay on my chest with his ear over my heart. But even then, you could tell it was only to actually listen to my heart, and not to get a quick nuzzle in uncharted territory._

_Occasionally, he would accidentally brush one of my breasts, sending my nipples into eruption mode and wonderful chills through the rest of me, but he would stiffen and move away from them as quick as possible, ending any progress we could make towards...more. I was still trying to rectify this issue - I figured if sex wasn't an option, we might at least make it to second base. He could play with my boobs all he wanted and I could get felt up by Adonis. A girl could dream._

_I was daydreaming about his hands...and his mouth...when Alice started gagging and seemed to be trying to hack something up. Like a hairball._

"_Alice, are you okay?"_

_She gave me a wary look and took a couple of deep breaths. "Bella, please, try to remember that when you think of trying to do something in your future that I get the visual firsthand, and the last thing I need to see is my brother lapping at your nipples like a kid with an ice cream cone." She started giggling._

_I looked at her with horror as the blood pooled in my cheeks. It was then that I realized that I prayed that Edward hadn't heard that, but when I looked out into the water he was just ten feet away, giving me a crooked grin and one cocked eyebrow. The topaz in his eyes had all but disappeared. The blackness that enveloped them was a look that I rarely got to see - a look of longing and hunger. I could feel my whole head and the pit of my lower stomach just burst into flames._

_Edward didn't say anything. He ducked under the water and swam towards his brothers, who were out in the middle of the lake. Alice giggled a little more while she enveloped me into a hug of reassurance and love. She truly did understand my trials with Edward, and I loved her like my own sister. _

"_I'm sorry," she whispered in my ear with her bell-like giggle, "I completely forgot he was still here. Come on then, Bella, let's get wet and cool you off!"_

_With that, she leaped from her sitting position into the air some twenty feet, and landed out in the water a few feet away. I, of course, was so equally graceful. I jumped up from my sitting spot on the rocks, took one step onto another rock, lost my balance, and gracefully went sprawling into the abyss, forgetting the fact that maybe I should have tested the water first. _

_Sure, vampires couldn't feel the cold, but for the graceful human, it took my breath away and I went flying out of the surface and into the air, trying to catch my breath, and only to sink back down into the water. I was instantly shivering - my legs felt as if a hundred needles were poking me, and my arms started to get heavy..._

I woke up drenched in water. My legs were submerged in the current of a cold stream, and a cold arm had my neck in a vice grip. I tried to catch my breath while it felt like a thousand knives were stabbing at my legs and foot. As I gasped for air, I was dragged back onto shore and dropped down flat on my back. My head hit the ground hard. I couldn't move. I didn't want to.

I opened my eyes, looking above at the clear night sky. I managed to take some deep, wheezing breaths to calm down, and tried to raise my arms from my sides. I felt excruciating pain shoot up my shoulder and into my neck and back when I moved my right arm. I was able to bend my left elbow, and I slowly managed to pull my upper body up on my forearm.

I looked out in front of me and saw the stream that I must have been partially submersed in bathed in moonlight. On the other side of the stream, a small meadow was before the tree line. Rising farther in the distance of the tree line was a sight I wouldn't have expected to see if I was still in or around Forks. Mount Rainier.

I immediately began to panic, and I realized the danger of the situation - I was not alone. I looked off to my right and behind me as far as my neck and shoulder would allow, and saw nothing. I slowly started turning my head to the left, and I saw the monster that was responsible for this. It really should have been no surprise that this had come to pass.

She was crouching not three feet away with glowing red irises and a contented look. With her greeting, you might have thought we were lifelong friends.

"Hello, Bella."

I took a much needed breath and exhaled, realizing that this would be my end. Somehow it didn't seem so bad. I looked into her eyes, seething with hatred and vengeance, and said the only thing I could.

"Hello, Vicki."


	2. Chapter 2 The End

Chapter 2: The End.

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**September 13, 2005**

***J*A*S*P*E*R***

That girl really hated birthdays.

Bella was opening Alice and Edward's present. I wasn't quite sure what it was, so curiosity getting the better of me, I moved a little closer. Bella was in what can only be described as emotional turmoil right now. When she first arrived, she was serving up a buffet. Happy, sad, annoyed, confused, and feeling a little guilty. Many times I've wondered if she was bipolar, and many times I wanted to ask her if she had ever been tested. I've never seen a human's emotions change as quickly as Bella's.

After the first few minutes, her emotions dwindled down to happiness, and a little fear. _Afraid of what?_ But I toned down my thoughts, because Edward was shooting me glares, especially because he knew I _really_ wanted to ask her if she'd submit to a depression spectrum and maybe a questionaire or two. I was being serious.

Edward reassured her that he didn't spend a dime on her present. Someone should have told Bella to just suck it up and accept whatever she was gifted with, with a gracious smile and a 'Thank you'. But being Bella, the thought of someone spending money or attention on her was something that should just not occur. She was one and, well, the only unselfish human I had ever known. Well at least, ever tried to know.

"Give it to me, Alice." Bella sighed out, in resignation.

Alice handed her the gift with a smug look on her face. Bella slid her finger under the edge of the paper and pulled it across, ripping one of the sides open.

"Shoot," she said, pulling her finger up to examine it.

It was then I registered that small drop of blood on her finger, and immediately I closed off my senses and did not breathe. I moved to step back, but within that same half of a second, Edward screamed out.

"NO!"

I watched in horror as he hurled himself towards Bella and pushed her back forcefully into the table with her cake, presents, and the crystal dessert plates that only Bella would use. The table came crashing down, and the plates shattered, leaving Bella with a large gash on her left arm from the crease of her elbow down towards her wrist.

With that, I was gone.

It was in this instant that fear consumed me. Fear for Bella, because her body slammed into that table, sending it crashing down. I took an unnecessary breath of air, and my fear disappeared, my rationality disappeared, and if the monster in me had its way, Bella's blood would soon disappear. _Right down my scorching throat. _

Blood lust has its differences. The blood lust that comes from drinking animal blood is just a slight crippling of a vampire's senses, because in that one moment when it's staring you in the face, you can still reason with yourself that this is just a substitute for that which you are really craving. The blood lust that comes from coming into contact with a human's blood, well, you might as well just throw all reason out the window. There are no thoughts of family; no thoughts of right or wrong.

I've definitely had my share of the human population, but when there is an opportunity down on the ground, not fifteen feet in front of you, what's a vampire gonna do? It's my nature. I need what my body desires, and I was going to take it. I could smell and see the blood. I needed to have it.

Maybe the others have the control to resist the temptation of the call, and, boy, did Bella's blood _call_. I could accept that I was the weak link in the Cullen coven, but I was going to take what should only be taken by one of my kind.

_I need it._

I don't remember crouching. I don't even recall lunging after her. I don't remember colliding with Edward and getting so close to my objective. I don't even have a fucking clue as to what Carlisle said.

But I did remember Emmett locking my arms in a vice grip behind my back, denying me even more of my desire. I knew I could still break his hold somewhere in the recesses of my gone mind, but I let him drag me away from that beautiful aroma and the crimson liquid flowing out of that arm, because I felt her. Or maybe I heard her, and I could feel the horror behind them. Behind her eyes.

_Don't. _

Rosalie steeled her hand underneath my jaw, snapping my teeth together to the point my teeth rattled my own head. She helped Emmett push me out the door and into the night, away from Bella and away from what I desired so badly. With Emmett still pulling, and Rosalie still pushing, I was hauled out towards the garage. After standing still for a good minute, Rosalie released her death grip on my jaw.

"Breathe through your mouth, dammit."

Emmett's hold never lessened, and Rosalie stood there in steeled perfection just waiting and watching me. It was a few breaths later before that scent left my thought process, and I mourned it as it left. The realization of what I had done crept up on me, slowly but surely. I felt a weight, a heavy weight starting to crush my chest. It felt like my throat was closing off, and I was struggling for unneeded air. The veil that covered my eyes when the blood lust had consumed me was slowly being lifted.

_Oh, God. Oh, no._

I kept looking at Rosalie, and she knew I realized what I had done. I watched her steel eyes soften, and she nodded minutely with a sad look on her face. I felt my legs give out and I fell to the ground with Emmett, his arms still around me.

"Let him go, Emmett." Rosalie whispered. Emmett let go, and put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed.

"Jasper?" Emmett said quietly.

I didn't let him finish. "I need to hunt. I need to hunt now. Goddamn it, why the hell didn't I..." I choked out. "I need to get out of here. I can't stay here. I can't. I've got to..."

Emmett interrupted my panic attack. "Go. Right now. Meet us at the clearing. Just go. Jasper. Meet us in the clearing in one hour. You better be there."

I rose up off the ground and Rosalie's soft eyes met mine. She cupped her hand to my cheek and whispered, "Don't worry. It'll be okay. But if you're not at the clearing, I'll have Emmett chase you down and drag you back, so you make sure you're there."

She let her hand drop and I ran. I ran as fast as my feet would carry me, jumping the river, pushing my legs as fast as they could carry me. After a few seconds, I stopped. I closed my eyes and tried to sense any nearby prey. Bella's eyes were permanently burned into the back of my eyelids. Those eyes, widened with terror and fear. They were staring back at me, and they were pleading and accepting at the same time.

_Oh God, what the hell have I done?_

I never wanted to see a human's eyes like that again. So many times I had killed and had seen eyes like that. Fathomless eyes, so full of fear and terror. It's one thing to see it, but to feel the horror and paralyzing fear that lies beneath those eyes. Sometimes I've felt like I could see right down into the depths of their soul. I would be so consumed with blood lust that I wouldn't notice all of this 'til it was too late. 'Til after the blood lust was satiated. It felt like my chest was going to explode. _God, what have I done?_

I needed to calm down. I needed to hunt and take care of my thirst, and meet Emmett and Rosalie at the clearing. In all of the years I have known Emmett, I was honored to call him my brother. I had told him details of my past, details I didn't think about or share out loud, that had it been known to Carlisle or Edward, might not had given me an invitation to join this family now so long ago. He never once took pity or showed disgust towards me. He always kept a level head and looked past everyone's weaknesses, but he also would let you know how it was.

"_Jasper, we might be damned, but if any of us belong in hell, it would be you. Sorry, brother."_

How right he was. But, even though he knew most of my past, he never really knew it all.

_Quit thinking, you need to hunt._

I blocked off all of my thoughts, closed my eyes, and let my senses range outward. To the north were five elk with hooves padding into the earth searching for a meadow where they could graze. I darted off in their direction leaning into my hunting crouch. When I came upon them, I did not hesitate.

I wasn't in this for the chase at this point. I lunged and landed on a bull's back. Using my hands, I grabbed onto each side of his rack and twisted, sending him crashing down into the dirt, breaking his neck. I sank my teeth into his throat with too much force and momentum. I had pierced through his artery completely, and his blood was just pumping everywhere. I almost completely decapitated the animal. I latched onto its ripped artery, and greedily sucked and pulled 'til he had nothing left to give.

I usually was a clean hunter, I could manage most of the time to not even get a single drop of blood on my myself. But I really messed this one up. I felt its blood all over my face, in my hair, and the right shoulder of my turtleneck was completely soaked through.

_Fuck._ _ Can't take the newborn out of you. _

I heard the rest of the herd take off to the west when I attacked the bull, so I ran in their direction and jumped on a small cow with a little more care. I got more out of her than I did the buck.

There was no way I could fill myself anymore, so on my way to the clearing, I stopped at a small stream to try and clean up a little bit. I headed towards and reached the clearing not ten minutes later. I still had a good half hour before Emmett and Rosalie would arrive, so I walked towards the middle of the clearing and laid down on my back, interlocking my hands on my stomach, crossing my feet.

Looking up into the night sky, it was cloudy, but there were a few open patches and I could see the universe above. I was looking through an open patch in the sky when I saw a shooting star.

_Realistically it's probably just__ a meteor that got pulled into the earth's gravity, but you know what happened the last time you saw one._

I had met Alice.

Alice shot into my life and showed me how I could live once again, and how I could live with myself. But just maybe, something good would come out of this.

I had a good idea how she was going to react to this. It had been hell on her these years trying to keep me on the straight and narrow. This past decade was really starting to wear on her with trying to keep me from regressing to my former state. I didn't even want to attempt to dissect what her thoughts were at the time.

Edward. If he could have a shit fit he would. Edward, who had feasted on humans during his 'rebellious_'_ stage, as he likes to put it, with his '_If I can resist the temptation of the call of human blood, so can you'_ philosophy. He would no doubt let me near Bella for a good long while, and I didn't even know how I was going to face her to begin with.

He could sympathize, but he could never fully grasp just how hard it was for me day after day, and year after year. I guess it would be like denying a really bad alcoholic a shot of whiskey and giving them a glass of water instead.

I had drunk and savored my brand of whiskey for a hell of a lot longer than a decade. His measly decade could never compare. I revolved around human blood. I even bathed in it, for Christ's sake. I took it when I wanted it, and I even had it shoved at me by Maria. Humanity even paraded itself around me. He just had no idea.

_Bella._

I must have petrified the poor girl. If she didn't know what monsters were when she was little, or with Edward, or when she was attacked by even that pussy, James, she sure did then. I could not imagine what she saw on my face, or in my eyes. I doubted she would ever set foot in the house again with me in it.

I couldn't even fathom how I was going to apologize to her. The heavy feeling in my chest was back. I sat up and bent my legs at my knees. I just couldn't imagine what I was going to do.

Carlisle and Esme would forgive me; it was not in either of their natures to be unforgiving. Carlisle, especially. I have never met a more understanding and objective man as he was. Instead of dwelling on the incident, he would only contemplate on how we should move on from it. Esme would be kind, but the pity would be there. Pity was not what I needed.

I looked around the clearing. It was eerily quiet. No wind blowing, nothing scurrying about trying to get away from the vampire. It was completely calm. Not even a whisper in the tree tops that surrounded me. Something about it just spoke that change was going to happen, and not for the better.

I remembered when Laurent showed up with James and Victoria, and how Bella's life was endangered when James hunted her. Bella was petrified, as was Edward for her, but even though he was gifted with a unique tracking ability, James severely lacked in fighting skills. James was an easy kill, but I still took pleasure from it, especially after he had hurt Bella.

_Amazing,_ I thought with disgust. She was completely bleeding out everywhere in that studio, and not once did I feel the urge to kill her. Sure, I sensed her blood, but I was beyond furious for him even hurting her. Edward worshiped her and loved her, and we all cared for her in our own ways. Edward and I might not have seen eye-to-eye all the time, but he would give his existence for her, as I would for any of my family. And Bella was family.

_How would she ever forgive me? Why would she ever forgive me?_

I heard the whisper of the traveler, but I could not catch their scent. I knew it was only one. But as she got closer, her sprint was identifiable. The sound of the delicate way the balls of her feet caressed the earth reached my ears before she did.

She came into the clearing and jumped from the forest's edge over to me.

Alice was my mate, and a beautiful one at that. Midnight black hair went every with way. A narrow nose that turned into a subtle point at the end, a tiny mouth and thin lips set in a straight line.

Her eyes locked on mine, and I was hit with emotions that would have stopped my cold, dead heart if it was able to beat. There was only one thing I'm sure that was radiating from me with this onslaught. _Dread._

Her face was one of stone; there was no emotion on it whatsoever. I don't know if she knew what she was putting out, or if she meant to: anger, sadness, grief, and disgust.

Disgust.

She looked down at the ground before she looked into my eyes and took an unneeded breath, steeling herself.

"Jasper, we need to talk, and I need you to listen to me. And just...I need you to try and not interrupt me because I have to get this out, and if you do and I can't get this out, I'm just going to...just _please_ listen to what I have to say before you respond," she said quietly.

Like a fucking idiot, I tried to lighten the situation. "Okay, Sprite."

She grimaced at her nickname before shaking it off while sighing. "Jasper, I love you, I will always love you, but I am _done_. I can't deal with this anymore, and, it's not just because of what happened with Bella; it's what's been happening these past few months. To _me_. I disrupted your path and steered you to mine. You were not meant for me, as I was not meant for you."

Everyone of her words had sunk in immediately. "Alice, what the fuck are you saying!?"

The liquid in her eyes turned solid. They were just as cold as the frown on her face. She took a deep breath in and let it out, and lowered her voice to almost a whisper.

"Jasper, calm down and listen. I haven't had any visions of us for awhile now. I haven't had any visions, period. Not since the fight with James. Haven't you fucking noticed?!I've had nothing. I've tried and tried to figure it out and I have struggled with it every. Single. Day. I haven't told anyone, and no one has noticed! No one! Edward knows, because there's no keeping him out of it, and I made him promise to keep it from you and the family because the last thing I needed was everyone worrying about me. Didn't you think I would have seen what happened and not prevented you from attacking Bella? Why would I let that happen?! Why would I have not seen that!? People that I cherish and love were in danger and I couldn't fucking see it and stop it from happening!"

She was screaming at this point. I was horrified and speechless. I took a step forward to embrace her, and she flitted back a few more, and raised her right palm to me.

"Don't, Jasper. Just don't. When this is all said and done, you will not feel the need to comfort me, and I don't want you anymore. I've been going crazy, Jasper, absolutely crazy, and you've been so consumed with yourself lately that you haven't even noticed. I'm just...I'm just..." she couldn't finish. She couldn't even look at me anymore.

I didn't know what to say. I was in shock. "Alice, what are you saying?"

She kept looking at the ground and took a deep, shuddering breath. "My gift has always been my guide, since the moment I woke up, it's always been there for me. Do you think that without it I would be where I am today? It's been with me all this time. It's a part of me. It has taught me. It led me to you, and it led us to our family. Our family, Jasper. But ever since we killed James, I've been lost Jasper, lost, and I will completely lose myself if I don't follow the path that has been showed to me."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. What was I hearing? What did she mean the path that was showed to her?

I shook my head in disbelief, because I didn't want to believe what she was telling me.

"Alice, what...what path? What are you trying to say?"

She took the steps she needed to take my hands in hers. She craned her neck up, her eyes softening as the amber in them brightened.

She told me what I would have never in the world thought I would ever hear. What I never wanted to hear.

"Jasper, after you tried to attack Bella, I went to follow you outside to the garage and it hit me. It brought me to my knees, it was so intense. I had a vision, and I have to follow through with it. It was a vision of me. I'm leaving you and the family to find what I lost so long ago. I have to find out where I belong, Jasper. I need to find out more about where I came from, and I have to go alone. We're just..it's done. You're not my destiny, and I'm not yours. I'm so sorry."

_She's leaving me._

She had already done it even though she sure as hell was standing before me, holding my hands in hers with the grip that would crush the bones of any mortal man. Never would I have thought that Alice would leave me. I loved her, more than anything.

_I've lost her._

I still had to ask, and my heart was exposed. "I would do anything for you, Alice. I'd give you anything in the world you could possibly want. But you're telling me that between your gift to see the future and me, you're choosing the gift? If you could have that one constant thing, that one thing you depend on, you don't want it to be me?"

Sadness and compassion, she didn't even need to answer.

"I'm letting you go. I have to let you go."

I realized that there was nothing I could say, nothing I could do that would change her mind. She had made her choice and there would be no deterring her from it. I just couldn't fathom that this was the end for us. I just didn't know what to say. I just didn't have it in me to even try and fight for it anymore. I couldn't think anymore. I didn't want to.

She lowered her gaze to our hands which were still gripping each other.

"After I made my decision, I had another vision. And, as much as it will hurt this family, it needs to play out. Everything happens for a reason, and I can only hope it will all be for the best. I'm probably just trying to console myself, but I have to take care of myself now. I've got to quit trying to play God for everyone else and let whatever will happen, happen. I don't know what this..life has in store for you. I know you think you cannot live without me, but you can, and you will. You owe me. Live your life Jasper, your destiny will find you. I have to believe it will because I will not be holding you back."

I just stared at her, because I was a sack of useless shit that had just had his heart ripped out.

I couldn't feel much coming from Alice, whether I chose not to feel it or she chose not to exhibit it. We had been around each other for years. She could manipulate that shit if she wanted to. I felt relief, with just a hint of shame and sadness. If I wasn't already in a state of shock and denial I probably would have been alarmed to not feel anything from her but that.

Alice let go of my left hand and looked away before she looked back at the ground. "Edward's with Bella right now, but when he comes home later tonight he's going to tell us that he's leaving her and he'll want all of you to leave Forks. He won't let her sacrifice her humanity, and he will no longer put her in danger by involving her in our lives anymore. He'll come home later and tell the family and even though everyone will argue with him about how it's the wrong thing to do, the family will honor his request to leave her to her life. I can't see what he will say to her as even he hasn't decided that yet, but this family will leave Forks."

"Where are we going?" I droned out.

"I'm not sure where you all will go, I haven't seen that. If there comes a time for me to find you, I will. But I need my space. I'll be leaving the day after tomorrow. The rest of the family will leave Friday, and Edward will tell her goodbye that day after school. Edward wants a clean break, and we should help him, so I won't be going back to school. I don't blame you, Jasper. I don't think of you as weak, and I hope you intend to stay with them."

She let go of my other hand, looked up into my eyes, put her hands on my cheeks, and pulled me down to her lips to kiss me softly. I couldn't return it. But just as she started to pull back from her kiss she started to gasp for breath as sobs racked through her chest. I felt my legs give out, and she followed me down to the ground and held onto me in an embrace that no one could ever tear apart.

It was hours before she needed to head back to the house and talk to Edward. She still felt she owed Bella a shot at changing Edward's mind. I listened to her, disconnected from reality.

A big part of me resented her for trying to salvage their relationship. Why the fuck did Edward's girlfriend matter more than her own husband, someone that was supposed to be her mate for eternity? I may have been the weak one who created this entire fucked-up situation, but ever since she entered our lives, she had disrupted our family.

I really hated her in that moment, even if she had no idea of the destruction she caused. I wish I would have killed her. Edward would have killed me, and whatever was left of my heart and soul wouldn't be crushed to death in slow agony by my wife telling me we were through.

We eventually stood up and separated, just for each of us to look at the other. I'm not sure how I looked to her, but all I saw and felt was pity and concern.

Alice looked at me with pleading eyes. "Jasper, I think you need to stay out here a little while longer. Come home in the morning after Edward goes to school. You're projecting. You're angry." She was nervous all of a sudden.

I was angry. I was hurt like I have never been, and I was angry as hell. Her statement just set me off.

"What the fuck do you expect?! Do you expect me to understand why you'll try to salvage their relationship when you won't even try for ours? For Christ's sakes, you're leaving me because a fucking vision told you too, Alice. It's insane, just fucking insane."

One would have to wonder if I had ripped her heart out with the way she looked at me. But I couldn't even look at her anymore. My chest was just getting heavier and heavier with every passing moment. I wouldn't look up at that face again because I felt the emotion that followed, resentment. I could not handle anymore.

She turned to leave, but she stopped with her back to me. "About Bella, well, she wanted me to tell you that it wasn't your fault, at all. She's not mad at you, and there is nothing to be sorry for."

With that she ran, ran faster than I had ever seen, running away from what should have been our happily ever after. Running away because she could no longer see a future with me in it. She took a piece of me with her, and everything I had strove to be for her. With her she took Jasper Hale, a name she had wanted me to take, and all that was left was Jasper Whitlock.


	3. Chapter 3 Gone and Missing

Chapter 3. Gone and Missing.

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***J*A*S*P*E*R***

After Alice left, I sat on the ground and started picking up pebbles out of the dirt on the clearing's floor. I crushed each one, obliterating them until they were dust. Just like my union with Alice.

There was a nice pile of dust sitting between my legs. The sun was starting to rise. I couldn't see it, cloud cover moved in along with a front that produced a haze that swirled and danced in front of me, and with my breath. It was going to rain. I could see precipitation clouds to the northwest and I could smell it coming. A feather-like breeze picked up, blowing the tree tops.

I liked Forks. It was a quiet place. We could walk outside, and interact with humanity because the weather conditions most of the time were favorable. But I missed the Sun, too. Before I had met Alice, and when I was down in Texas and Mexico, I used to find a secluded spot where I could lie on the ground and bask in the sunshine. I loved to feel the warmth on my skin. But as I sat there in that clearing, I was cold to the bone.

I actually started shivering at some point, but I knew it had to be psychological. During my time in the clearing I had to process a lot, which shouldn't have been too difficult with my enhanced abilities, but it was just the same. I knew I was definitely suffering from sensory overload.

My dust pile was turning into a nice mound. I didn't have many human memories -especially those of my childhood- but I bet I had liked to play in the dirt.

Simple thoughts I could handle, so I tried to think about my human life before I was changed, and I was coming up almost empty. I had tried to forget about all that had remained of my human life over a century ago, and I had succeeded. I just didn't want to remember what had been taken from me, and what I had done to want to make me forget.

Emmett was on his way out to me. I could hear him coming. Hell, how could anyone not? He really was like his animal of choice; a big, huge grizzly of a bear, but definitely not the teddy type, at least not when he was hunting. While Emmett would make a quick kill of his catch with other species, when it came to hunting grizzly, Emmett had a sick side. Emmett liked to play with his food. Especially if it was grizzly. And the more pissed off the better. PETA would have a field day with him

He needed to blame something for his loss of his humanity. A bear got the best of him, and now he was able to get the best of the bear. He never regretted the hand he had been dealt though for the most part. I envied them all, because they retained quite a bit of their human memories. But just like me they remembered what they had lost. They secretly mourned the 'what could have been'.

He came barreling out of the forest's edge and slowed down to a human pace as he strolled over and sat down beside me. Though he was not an affectionate brother any other time, it shocked the shit out of me when he wrapped his arm around my left shoulder and pulled me over, pushing my head down onto his chest. Emmett and I were definitely not the touchy-feely type. But as quick as it happened, it was over.

I wasn't the type that showed open affection with anyone, except for Alice. I didn't like to be touched very much, though. With Emmett, it was awkward for the both of us. I knew that, because I felt it.

I'm not sure what my face registered, but Emmett looked a little wary. "Don't hurt me, I just figured someone needed to do that, after the grand fucking night you just had."

I snorted. He couldn't have been more right. "Thanks, Emmett."

He was trying to get some sort of reaction. "I could always call Rosalie, have her come out here and have her hold you and nuzzle you to her bosom. Trust me, you'll think you've gone to heaven...Just don't tell her I said that. She would yank my dick off and hide it for reattachment at a later date she deems fit."

I appreciated his effort. "Emmett, I don't think it could be reattached. I've never seen or dealt with that scenario, nor do I want to imagine it. Thanks, anyway."

He was grinning from ear to ear. "Suit yourself." His apprehension settled in. "How are you?"

Where to begin? I started molding my dirt mound. "I don't even know how to begin to answer that. First, I almost killed Bella. Then, the love of my life tells me she's leaving me because a vision told her so. I honestly don't know where I'm at right now, or what the fuck I'm going to do. I thought about maybe heading over to Bella's and just making the most out of the entire situation. You know, get Edward away from her, break her neck, finish the job..."

I felt his anger immediately. "Don't be saying shit like that. Edward would kill you. I'll kill you!"

For a second, I thought he was about to do just that. I started sending him some calming waves and before I knew it, he pulled his arm back and he knocked ever-dead shit out of me and sent me flying across the ground. The son of a bitch can hit hard. I finally stopped tumbling twenty feet from my dirt pile, which was now ruined.

"Don't try your emotional shit with me. I won't let you kill Bella just because you have a death wish. If you kill her, Edward and I will tear you apart and just lay the pieces around the back yard. We won't burn you. Imagine that, asshole."

There was no doubt that he meant exactly that. He was completely radiating anger and fear. I knew he was angry at me for even thinking it; he loved Bella dearly. But, what was he afraid of? I could not, or would not, ever even try to hurt him. I knew I was already looking at him in astonishment, but as I watched his face and took in the grief he started emitting, I almost buckled over.

His voice was shaky and low. "I've already lost one sister, now I'm about to lose the other one. Whether we leave her to her life or you kill her, Edward will be leaving no matter what. If you kill her, and he manages to kill you, what do you think he'll do? Every fucking brother and sister of mine will be gone," Emmett said quietly.

It broke me watching him. The corners of his mouth were twitching, and he groaned and looked away.

I was so consumed with my grief for losing Alice, I never looked at the cataclysmic events that had ruptured our family, and would continue to do so. I had done enough harm.

I could not cause any more harm to this family. My family. I'd die first. For what was left of them.

"I won't hurt Bella, Emmett. I'm sorry for even thinking about it. If I could take back last night, I would. I just lost it. I've lost it all. I love Alice and she'll be gone soon, and there is nothing I can do about it. I don't want to lose you or Rosalie, or Carlisle or Esme, or even Edward. Even Bella. But, I can't fix it. I can't fix anything. It's all my fault."

Emmett stood up and walked over to stand in front of me putting his hands in his jean pockets. His anger had diminished, but his sadness was still overwhelming.

Emmett cleared his throat. "The blame game will get us nowhere. I know you probably think that if Edward had never brought Bella home to us, none of this would have ever happened. But no one can change fate. She came into our miserable and boring lives and..changed us. She's reminded us what it was like to be human. That's what Rosalie said, and you know she put up the biggest fight." Emmett sighed and looked down at the ground.

I heard him swallow hard, and I felt dread. "Edward's leaving her. We all are, for him. It's bullshit, Jasper. It's downright awful that we're doing this because of his mistake. He thinks she'll be able to have the life she was meant to have before she met us. That time will heal her. It might to an extent, but her life changed too when she entered our world. She'll be heartbroken and she'll have to live the rest of her life knowing there is a completely different world out there. She loves us, all of us, and as much as we love her, we're still gonna rip her heart into pieces. We're all going to pay for Edward's mistake last night. We are all losers in this." He ended thickly, and clenched his jaw.

Emmett has always been his own special brand of smart, but if you ever thought the guy lacked common sense you were sorely mistaken. Emmett was happy in the role of being the family entertainer. Most of the time, even I thought Emmett was somewhat simple minded, but he loved and cared for this family like no other. He'd put anyone else needs first before his own.

He was truly heartbroken for Bella. I had lost Alice, and I was on my way to losing Edward as well, but he was right. Bella was losing the love of her life, and an entire family along with it.

Bella truly loved us, even me. It would radiate out of her like a tidal wave whenever we were all together. All my thoughts earlier had been centered around me and for what I was losing. Never once did I think of what everyone else was losing. Bella was paying the ultimate price for my loss of control. 

Emmett's statement however, left me a tad bit confused.

"Emmett, what do you mean Edward's mistake last night? It was _my_ mistake, _my_ loss of control."

Emmett glowered at me, and he started feeling quite disgusted; but for some reason I don't think it was entirely for me.

"Jasper, I was there. You can't put this entire fuck up all on yourself. It wasn't completely your fault."

"Of course it was. You were there. You had to pull me off of Edward. For Christ's sake, Emmett, I was gonna rip her throat out." I felt a clenching feeling in the pit of my non-existent stomach. I wondered briefly if I could get sick. I was starting to feel like I could.

He was completely annoyed, and a little pissed off. "Jasper, I was standing behind you last night. I saw what happened. When Bells gave herself that paper cut, you didn't lose it. _You_ stepped away. I saw you tense up, and I knew you stopped breathing. _You_ stepped away from her, Jasper. Edward overreacted and threw her into the table. He's the one that lost it first. He lost his hold on his blood lust and he was tossing her away from himself. _Himself. _Not you. You may have lost it then, but he was definitely the cause. You were just the effect."

I remembered. I did step back. I was going to remove myself from the situation, but it still didn't matter. We were looking at each other, though, and I'm not sure what my face was reflecting, but his mouth sort of twisted up into a grimacing grin, and he was nodding minutely.

"It doesn't matter, Emmett. It's just like you said, I was the effect. I still tried to kill her. I still tried, and I'm glad I failed. It's still all my fault. Nothing will change that. And...I've accepted that. I just need help living with it."

He sighed, but he was accepting it. "Maybe you're right. But, like I said, blame gets us nowhere. Edward knows. He heard my thoughts last night when he came home to tell us that we had to leave and that he was leaving Bella. He wouldn't look at me, or anyone else, for that matter. Except for Alice, the spent some time together before he told her goodbye. It still floors me . I hadn't even realized she wasn't doing her freaky little thing. When Rose and I were supposed to meet you out here after it all happened, we didn't know what she was intending to do. It tore me up when she told us she was leaving, and why. You should be glad you weren't around, it was just one big fucking argument."

He took a deep breath, his voice growing sombre. "Esme's beside herself. Carlisle's not doing much better. They feel like they're losing their family. Rosalie, I couldn't believe it. She went fucking ballistic when he told us that he was going to leave her. He said she would be better off without us and we need to disappear from her life and from Forks. She just couldn't believe what he was asking us to do. To abandon her like that. Never in a million years would I have thought that our family would be ripped apart in a matter of hours. It still isn't sinking in."

Emmett silently shook his head in disgust. "What's done is done, and we have to move on. Let's go, brother. We have to start packing and making arrangements. We made a promise to Edward that we would all be out of here by tomorrow night at the latest. There's a lot we need to do."

It was all just hitting me like a wrecking ball. "What do you mean Edward told Alice goodbye? Isn't he coming back to the house to help?"

Emmett was all of sudden very apprehensive and weary. "Aww, shit."

"What? Just spit it out."

"Jasper, Alice already left. She said she couldn't deal with seeing you. She knows she broke your heart. She packed some of her clothes, and Rosalie took her to the airport. She's already gone. She said she would call when we get settled in and let us know where she's at. I'm sorry, man."

For some reason, it didn't shock me. Some part of my mind already knew that last night was our final goodbye. It still pissed me off. She could have at least given me a formal goodbye and a farewell rim job. I loved her and resented her all at the same time. My heart was broken in two. It didn't matter. It was cold and dead, anyway.

The wound was raw, and would probably remain that way. I had nothing to be optimistic for. I just wanted to wallow in misery. Emmett was watching my entire thought process wash over my face.

"It fucking figures. Let's just go. Let's get this done and over with. I can't talk about this shit anymore."

I didn't know what I was going to do, and at some point I started thinking about my own future. I didn't know if I would stay with the Cullens, or if I would eventually feel the need to set out on my own. But I did make the choice to stay with them for the time being. I needed to stay for them. No doubt, Edward would take himself out of the family equation for a period of time once we left.

_Bella. _

I knew he loved her more than anything, but he wasn't giving her a choice. Her life and her soul was hers to give, but he didn't think she knew what she was asking for, and he wouldn't damn her to exist as a monster. He would suffer from her loss and I, no doubt, would feel his pain. So would everyone else.

It finally started to rain, and we started to run home. Home used to be with Alice, and wherever she was.

I was alone again.

_A day later..._

I managed to keep busy. Emmett, Rosalie, and I packed up my study and all my books, art, and everything else I was taking out of this house. They had kept me busy packing up the rest of the house. We worked together packing the family room, all of the art, Carlisle's office, and the library. When it was time to pack my and Alice's room, I took nothing but my books, my clothes, and just a few of our photos. I left everything else.

We were headed to New York. Esme flew out the night before to Ithaca to start looking for our new home. Before Alice had left, she had vision of Carlisle taking a job at Cayuga Medical Center in Internal Medicine in a month's time, as well as a teaching assignment at the university. Alice had told Esme that she would find a beautiful house to restore north of the city that would accommodate us all very well. It was very secluded and surrounded by the forest and the wildlife was abundant.

Esme had called earlier and sure enough, she found the house and was in the process of making the purchase. She said it needed a lot of work. I think we were all thankful because it would keep us busy, and keep a small part of our minds off of everything. Since we wouldn't take possession of the home for five more days, we were going to make a stop outside of Yellowstone—near the Grand Tetons—to help alleviate a growing wolf problem and stay a couple of days.

Emmett had been right about Esme. Yesterday she was just falling apart. I tried to help, but I couldn't fix a broken heart. Edward was going to go off on his own for a bit, and they said their goodbyes. He reassured her that he would visit us soon, but he would need some time for himself. This brought on an entirely new round of grief, despair, and pain from Esme. I still couldn't understand how I was psychologically in one piece.

Carlisle sent her off. He knew it would keep her busy, securing our new house and preparing for our arrival. He had told the hospital administrators in Forks of his plans for immediate departure the previous day, stating he took a position at a hospital in Los Angeles.

Living in L.A. If I had been feeling humorous, I would have almost found that funny.

We weren't able to keep our promise to Edward about leaving the following night. We had been unable to secure movers on such short notice. Alice had said Friday and she was right. He was originally going to spend today with Bella at school and take her home and tell her then. It was slowly killing him to drag it out. I never saw him while he was at the house. I did not seek him out, nor did he seek me. But when he was there, his emotions tore me apart; the feelings of loss and conflict were overwhelming.

The house was filled already with distress, fear, overwhelming remorse, loss, anger, grief, and sadness. It doubled when Edward would entered the house. When he was here, he hardly spoke with anyone. He was going to come home later that day and pack his things.

The plan for moving the following day was simple. Carlisle would drive his Mercedes, Rosalie her BMW, Emmett his Jeep, and I would drive Edward's Vanquish. Even though Edward wasn't coming with us, he was going to have all his things moved to the new house. He was taking the Volvo with him. Emmett had asked him where he was going to go, and he had told him he was going to head up to one of our houses in a remote part near Denali. Edward did not know if he would stay there, but he ordered Emmett and the rest of the family not to let any of the Denali clan know he was there. He wanted to be alone. He also told us to leave his piano.

We packed a little more that day and decided to make one last hunting trip into the forest surrounding the house that evening. Edward was at home packing and had declined to come along. We ran slowly along one of the trails we used, with Emmett a little disappointed. He had wanted to take a run up to Goat Rocks once more for some irritable grizzly. Carlisle told him there wasn't enough time for that and he would have to make do without his bear until we got to Wyoming.

I was unable to focus completely. I thought about Alice, and what she was doing.

I was feeling sorry for myself and my carefully cultivated facade was melting away. I was just in the process of drinking from a buck I'd taken down. Rosalie was watching me when I threw it away from myself, not completely draining the buck in anger and bitterness. She stopped drinking from her kill and walked over to me. She just looked me in the eyes and she enveloped me into a hug, running her nails through my hair. No words were needed.

By early Friday morning we had finished packing the rest of the house. All we needed were the movers, and we would be gone by the afternoon. Edward had left before we arrived back from our hunting trip, his room was completely packed. There was no doubt he was watching Bella sleep one more last time. We passed the rest of the time playing chess, or playing video games. When Edward came home to get ready for school, his emotions were in turmoil. He came back downstairs as he was ready to leave for school, and Rosalie looked up at him from the couch.

"Goodbye."

She turned her back into her article in a magazine. To say she was still pissed he was asking us to leave and to abandon Bella was an understatement.

Emmett walked up and pulled Edward into an embrace, told him to do what he needed to do, come back to us soon, and tell Bella that we would always love her. Carlisle pulled him in and Edward grabbed onto him for dear life. Carlisle just rocked him, like a father would do to console a grieving son. I hated watching it. I hated myself for causing it.

After a minute, they separated. Edward and I locked eyes, and we stared at each other momentarily. I didn't even know what to say, figuring there was nothing I could say. He managed to keep his face blank, surely for everyone else's benefit, but I could _feel_ it. Anger, bitterness, resentment, hostility.

I still said it. "I'm sorry, Edward."

He turned away from me, so I could stare at his back.

"It's not your fault, Jasper." And he was radiating almost pure contempt.

With that, he was out the door and gone. The rest of the family may not have blamed me directly, but there it was. God, I would have given anything to take it back.

With everything that house held, it would take two trucks just to get everything out. Along with all the furniture, we had some priceless pieces that needed to be wrapped carefully for transportation. The first truck showed up not long after Edward's departure. When the movers arrived, one of them informed Carlisle that the other truck would be running behind due to mechanical difficulty, and wouldn't arrive 'til later this afternoon.

Anxiety was settling around all of us. In Carlisle, especially. We told him to go ahead and go, he still needed to take care of some final charts for his patients before he left—and say his formal goodbyes to his colleagues. Emmett and Rosalie would meet him in Wyoming in the morning.

The second truck was way past fucking late, it didn't arrive until three that afternoon.

There wasn't much left except for them to load up what remained, which was mostly boxes and some of the family room furniture. I told Emmett to get Rosalie and himself on their way. Rosalie was sad that we were leaving Forks, but I knew Bella was on her mind as well. No one wanted to say it, but we knew at that moment she was probably having the rug pulled from beneath her, and discovering that she was losing the love of her life, along with his family. She and Alice were especially close, I didn't want to think what her pain would feel like.

Edward had expected all of us to be gone by then. After the last truck was filled, I decided to wait until later that evening before I left. When I had pulled the Vanquish out of the garage, I discovered that it needed gas. The generator had been shut down hours ago, and there was no way I could get any out of the reserve tank from below the garage. There was enough gas to get me to Forks, and that was where I would need to go. I didn't want to chance running into Bella, or Chief Swan, or anyone else who knew us, for that matter. I had called Emmett to let him know not to expect me 'til later the next morning, and I would find them.

While I was waiting, I had managed to get lost in my thoughts. I was alone at the moment, and I just couldn't help it. It was the first time in the last couple of days I had been alone to do that, and it all just started creeping up into the front of my vampire mind.

I was never going to recover from Alice's departure. I wanted to get angry, but it would have done no good doing that. So, on the floor of the living room was me laying on my back, sobbing like a fucking baby.

I lost track of time, and after a while I pulled out my phone and discovered it was close to midnight. I got up and went about sealing the house. I raised all the shutters on the glass wall, locked the doors, and got in the car. I needed to get gas and get on my way.

I drove into Forks and pulled into the local twenty-four hour gas station. It being midnight, and what was considered a work day, there sure were a lot of people out and about. Flying down the main road, with its lights and sirens on, was one of the local cruisers. I got out and noticed the pay at the pump was broken, so I proceeded to pump my gas and watched a few of the locals walk out the door of the convenience station.

A truck that was on the other side of the pump had two humans in the cab, and three other boys climbed into the pickup bed. I hadn't been listening to their conversation, but I heard one of them say 'Charlie', and before I knew it, they were off. Everyone seemed in a hurry. With the gas tank full, I walked inside. The girl behind the register was ringing up someone in front of me and there was another man on the store pay phone by the door.

The world went to hell in an instant.

"Look, just head over to the Swan's house now. There's no telling what direction she headed in, and they need to get as many people out there searching in the three that head out into those woods. Wear your insulated boots because it's already freezing, and it's supposed to start raining soon, alright?..Yeah...See ya."

I had paid for my gas and had waited for him to finish hanging up the phone. "Sir, I'm sorry, but I was listening to your conversation. Is there something the matter with Chief Swan?"

He turned around and looked at me wide-eyed with a little trepidation. "No, not him. His daughter. She took a walk in the woods after school today and didn't come back out. They think she's gotten herself lost out there. If you want to help, just head over to the Swans. They need all the help they can get until a search team from the state gets here."

"Thank you."

I drove the car back to the house. I took off over the river towards Charlie's. I moved silently in the tree tops. There were so many humans out in the woods, I concentrated on moving in stealth. When I reached Charlie's, I saw him with some of the men from the Quileute reservation. He was in complete panic and distress. I closed off all my senses except the one that I needed.

I found Edward's and Bella's scents on a trail by the house, and I started following it. Edward's branched off and headed back towards the house, while Bella's was still going northeast.

_Why would he have left her out here?_

I started to move a bit faster. Bella's scent was unique, so it was not hard to follow. She was two miles away from Charlie's.

_Where is she going?_

I could tell that she was indeed lost; now and then her trail would take a turn. It was almost like she thought she was walking in circles, but for the most part she kept on a straight and narrow path through the thick forest. I came upon a spot that looked like she had laid upon it; the moss was flattened, and some dry leaves no longer retained their shape.

I stopped right when the scent hit me. A growl immediately left my throat.

It was another vampire. Not one of us, but still familiar. _Too fucking familiar_.

It wasn't just one of them. _It's both of them_. Plus, there was someone else. Someone new. A newborn. A newborn's scent is especially strong the first few months.

_Fuck._

It was Victoria, and Laurent. The Newborn was just a minor difficulty. Still, they had her.

_I'm gonna fucking kill them all. _

Victoria and Laurent had her. She hadn't killed her yet, but she was going to. Bella was bleeding. Her blood and her scent supplied me with a very obvious trail.

I ran as fast as I could. The trail was fresh, it hadn't been long.

_A few minutes, that's all._ _You have to be quick. But you have to be quiet._

There was still a chance to save her. If Victoria was anything like her mate, she was a fucking drama queen. There was still a chance. Either way, that bitch was going to die along with her friends.

I moved faster and faster. The wind was blowing at me and I could smell them all even better. I caught the sight of one of Bella's torn shoes laying in a small puddle. I could smell the blood it was laced with. She was bleeding, and I wondered briefly if I was too late.

I was moving with stealth. I needed to be silent, and luckily the wind was on my side. The downside was that I had to move slower. They would not catch my scent. Their direction had changed. They were headed toward Mount Rainier. I also managed to pick up some older scent trails as I ran that belonged to all three of them.

This had to have been planned. She must have been waiting for the perfect opportunity to grab Bella, and she had managed to do it.

_But, why? Bella didn't kill James; Emmett and I did. Why the fuck did Edward leave her in the forest? That son of a bitch._

I lost track of time. I wasn't sure how long I had been running, but I knew I was closer. I let my gift range out as far as possible in front of me. _God, please let me feel them before it's too late._

Then I felt it. Luck _was_ on my side: Victoria's euphoria. Laurent's amusement. The newborn's desire. And Bella.

Bella was relieved. _Relieved? What the fuck? _ I stayed crouched and darted as quietly as I could through the thinning forest. I had to be real close.

When I came close to the edge of the treeline, I could see them through a break in the trees. They were out by the edge of a creek, and I was still a good quarter of a mile away. Victoria was crouched down next to her, talking to her.

I didn't pay attention to what was being said. I needed to plan my attack. I needed the perfect opportunity. I would not lose Bella to her. I would get her out, and I would kill all of them. I was itching to kill something anyways, and it sure as hell was going to be them.

I couldn't fucking wait.


	4. Chapter 4 Granted Wishes

Chapter 4. Granted Wishes

_Previously:_

_I took a much needed breath and exhaled, realizing that this would be my end. Somehow it didn't seem so bad. I look into her eyes, seething with hatred and vengeance, and said the only thing I could. _

"_Hello, Vicki."_

**%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%**

***B*E*L*L*A***

I was numb, yet I still felt pain. I was soaking wet from the waist down, and I looked away from Victoria to check out the damage to my legs. It was dark, so I couldn't see the extent of my injuries very well, but my right shoe was indeed gone. My jeans were torn, the denim along my lower legs frayed and hanging in pieces. My right leg looked the worst. I could see that some parts of my right shin looked dark and raw, and I was bleeding. A lot.

I looked away. I didn't need to pass out. Though that might not have been a bad idea.

My left leg wasn't as bad as my right. My right shoulder was throbbing with pain, and I could feel it radiating through my shoulder, my arm, and down my back. I couldn't move it. My neck wasn't much better. My jacket was still on me, but I could feel the bandage underneath it growing wet. The stitches in my arm had broken open.

Victoria had come back to Forks. After my birthday, I knew change was coming, but I guess I expected it to be...something else. But I never once thought in a million years that with that one event, I would lose Edward, an entire family, and now, my own life.

How could they leave me alone like this? Had I not meant anything to any of them? How could he leave me to face this all alone?

He had told me he loved me. "_In a way."_

The logical explanation was that he had left before she arrived to do whatever she was hoping to do. None of them would have. But I had to wonder why didn't Alice see what was going to happen? And I had to hope they were coming. They would come, I had to believe that. I needed to believe that.

Maybe then, Edward would realize that I would always need him, and he would stay.

_But, he told you he didn't want you anymore_.

He would still come. Edward would come. I just had to stall.

I swallowed hard and looked back up at Victoria. She was a beautiful vampire, but she was disheveled. Fiery red and frizzy curls flew up and out to the side of her face in the breeze. Flawless and ageless skin glowed subtly in the dark. Her nose was thin and it turned up a little at the point. She had full, plump lips that were set in a very satisfied grin, and I wished I could wipe it off her face.

Her eyes, cat-like, were a shade between black and burgundy. She looked very content. She was wearing dark yoga pants and V-neck t-shirt from what I could gather. She was crouched down with her elbows on her knees, and she was balancing on the balls of her feet. She was barefooted.

"I'm sorry about your shoulder. I forgot that you humans are so frail, and you were struggling. Does it hurt?" She seemed very calm, her high soprano voice laced with bells rang with clarity.

I just looked at her, hoping my face was giving no indication of how I was feeling. My heart had been ripped out of my chest. I wasn't afraid. Sure, I was hoping to be rescued, but I was hardly even clinging to false hope. I was at least wishing for a quick and painless death. I did not answer her. I just felt dead inside.

"Are you not afraid, Bella? Do you think the Cullens will come and rescue you? Are they not gone?" She paused. "We went to their house first to attack them. To see if we could draw your Edward out. The house is empty. They're gone. Just recently, though. We couldn't believe our luck, stumbling upon you like that. Imagine my surprise." She was getting very excited as she went on.

I didn't do anything but look at her. They had gone to the Cullens' house to attack them, and they were gone. The house was empty. I guess when they needed to make a quick getaway, they could really pull it off.

In that moment I wanted to die. I didn't want to feel the pain, the loss, and the worthlessness anymore. I was not going to be rescued. I _was_ going to die. It was strange, but I felt relieved knowing it would be over soon.

Victoria's grin washed away from her face, and she looked at me with a cold and murderous look upon her face. She was starting to get a little mad.

"Answer me."

I answered her calmly.

"Yes, they're gone. They won't be coming for me." I could feel the lump in my throat start to form.

Right about the time she smiled again I felt like I was being watched. I slowly turned my head around to the right. I could see their silhouettes and some details; and I knew one of them was Laurent, but the other one was not familiar. Laurent's smile was that of friendliness.

Edward had told me that Laurent had gone up north. He had joined with some mutual friends of the Cullens, the Denali Coven, having taken a liking to one of the females. He looked friendly enough.

"Hello, Laurent."

He chuckled. "Hello, yourself, Bella."

I liked his French. It was beautiful dialect that belonged to a monster.

I looked at the other male. He was a blond boy, probably not very old when he was changed. He was as tall as Laurent, but much bulkier than him. I couldn't exactly see his eyes, but I imagined them to be a bright, vivid red, with a touch of deranged. His mouth was slightly open and he was breathing hard. He looked like a vampire. A very thirsty vampire.

I looked away and turned back around to look at Victoria. She was still smiling. She could obviously tell I was discomforted by the boy.

"That's Riley. He would say hello, but you see he's sort of _new_. He doesn't like to speak yet. He's like a child, and he's still learning. He's only feeling one thing now, and that's thirst."

She started talking slightly faster. "With your heart beating, and the fact that you're slightly bleeding out, he might not be containable for very much longer. But, you are to be my kill, so don't worry. He won't hurt you." She giggled.

Bitch.

**%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%**

***J*A*S*P*E*R***

I knew what I needed. I needed the perfect break. I waited and listened to the conversation taking place. Bella was abnormally calm, but her voice gave way to terror locked deep inside her. But I was only guessing, because I couldn't feel anything coming from her anymore. No actual emotions of fear or terror. Nothing at all.

It wasn't just that, either. Her right shoulder wasn't sitting right and she seemed to be favoring it. And her blood which should have beckoned the animal inside me only fueled my desire to kill. Just not her.

The more and more I waited, the more furious I became. But I needed to wait, wait for them to make a mistake. I listened as Bella told Laurent hello, before turning back to Victoria. Victoria then gave the low down on the newborn.

_Riley, huh? Sorry Riley, but you are about to fucking die._

**%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%**

***B*E*L*L*A***

I looked away from her. I looked up and out to the sky, and I took a few deep breaths, to keep myself calm. I wondered how long this would have to be prolonged.

As I was looking out to the sky above, there, in a break in the clouds, was a shooting star, hurtling towards the earth in an instant. But I had nothing to wish for.

"Bella, tell me, why did the Cullens leave? Were you not Edward's mate? Why didn't he take you with him?" Victoria quietly asked. There was amusement in her voice.

I did not look at her. I kept my gaze ahead, looking at the sky, the treetops, the mountains, anything, but her. All of a sudden, she grabbed my left and squeezed hard, causing me to cry out as pain shot up my arm. She held my hand up to her face and stared at it, her eyes growing wider as she gazed at the mark that would forever be embossed there. Her breaths started to come faster, and in her eyes were tears that would never fall.

"James," she whispered.

She dropped my arm. Victoria started to rub a mark on her own left wrist. She looked at it intently, with grief upon her face. Victoria pinned me with a look of desire to kill. They were lit like fire, her features twitching.

"How is it possible? How are you still here, human, and _alive,_ when James is dead? You tell me now, Bella. You tell me everything. Tell me how!" She screamed with menace.

During her rant, she had moved closer, and her face was just an inch from mine. Her breath smelled rotten. I couldn't breathe at all, and in that moment I felt afraid. I tried to stay as calm as possible.

"James bit me. Edward...Edward sucked out the venom." My voice was starting to crack and shake.

That perplexed her.

"Why? Why not let you change? I don't understand. Why not give you immortality, and take you with them? Did he...did he not want you?" She asked, ripping my heart out again.

She was starting to shake now. It wouldn't be much longer.

I swallowed hard. I didn't want to think about those words he himself uttered. But they were right there at the forefront of my mind. "_Bella, I don't want you to come with me. My world is not for you."_

It might not have been for me, but it was still going to ultimately kill me.

My heart felt like it was ripped in two. The pain across my chest was so intense that I had to wrap my good arm around it, with my hand in my armpit because it was going to explode out of my chest and it was going to be really messy. I couldn't breathe.

Why did he do this? Why did he come into my life, just to do this? He already broke his promise.

"_It will be as if I'd never existed."_

It wasn't going to 'be' at all.

He did exist and his kind existed, otherwise I wouldn't have been in the woods with a wicked, bloodsucking, bitch and with his words eating at my heart and soul like a cancer. I wouldn't have been on the run a few months ago from James. I wouldn't have nearly died then. Victoria wouldn't have lost her mate, and I wouldn't be about to die by her hand now. I was growing angrier and more furious as each second passed.

I just couldn't take anymore. I was ready to die, I was going to die, and I wouldn't give her the satisfaction she was searching for.

I steeled my face. I turned to look at her and even managed to grin a little.

"Go fuck yourself, Victoria."

**%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%**

***J*A*S*P*E*R***

"Go fuck yourself, Victoria."

That was unexpected. Funny as shit, but still unexpected.

Victoria let out a furious growl and her snapped forward around Bella's neck squeezing it while standing up instantly. Bella dangled in the air like a rag doll. Victoria threw her to the other side of the small creek, Bella's frail body coming to rest right along the edge, the top half of her body in the water.

I was already half way there. They didn't see me coming.

**%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%**

***B*E*L*L*A***

I coughed and sputtered up water from the creak that I had reflexively inhaled when I landed in the creek. I could hardly breathe. Victoria's nails had dug into the skin at my throat. I could feel the cuts. Every inch of me was throbbing in pain.

As I raised my head, I heard the single most menacing, horrific sound. A feline roar that was so deep and loud, I could feel my pain in my eardrums and vibrations in my gut. At that instant, the clouds broke above in the sky and bathed the area in moonlight.

A dark figure had come from behind Riley and Laurent. The figure reached Riley first and in one swift motion, a hand gripped the top of Riley's head by his hair and pulled his head back with a sickening snap. At the same time, the figure's monstrous face lowered to Riley's neck, biting all the way through. Riley's head was completely detached from his body.

Laurent had lunged towards him, screeching as he grabbed the vampire's left arm and shoulder with his hands. Laurent managed to sink his teeth into his left shoulder. By that time, Riley's head was already disconnected. The vampire raised his left leg and kicked Laurent in the chest, sending him flying into the creek, about fifteen feet away from me. Victoria had lunged for the vampire. Jasper turned in a violent corkscrew and snapped and grabbed a handful of hair. He swung her around like she was a rag doll, tossing her. Victoria flew right over Riley's falling body some thirty feet.

Jasper.

It was in that one instant that they had all slowed for just a second that I saw his face. He looked ferociously wild. He looked monstrous. I couldn't look away, the violence wasn't registering with me yet.

Victoria was still a blur in the air when Jasper lunged at Laurent in the creek, who had gotten his bearings. He nailed him right in the face with a punch that would probably take a normal human head off, and the sickening crack reverberated around the small valley. He proceeded to grab his arms, and jerked them clean off his body with another sickening crack and a pop.

He grabbed both of his legs with each of his arms and, setting his foot in Laurent's crotch, ripped his legs off.

_Oh..My God._

He pitched his legs and threw them away. Jasper leaped in the air in one swift motion, and when he landed, he was crouched over me. I could not see his face; but his hands and arms were laid out before me in the edge of the creek.

I could feel part of his torso pressed into my backside, and he was growling low and deep, the sound vibrating through my back, into my stomach, and into my chest.

Never would I have expected Jasper.

Victoria was crouched on the other side of the creek in the same position Jasper was probably in. She was balancing on the balls of her feet, with her hands on the ground, getting ready to lunge. The look on her face was one of shock and horror. Her eyes were wide with fury, and they were two black balls that reflected no light. She was breathing and groaning out a painful yell with each breath.

"Why? Why?! Just give to her to me! She means nothing to you! She's nothing! She's a human! You and yours wouldn't change her! She's nothing but goddamn food!" She started to wail.

"You're gonna fucking die, Victoria. If it's the last thing I do, you will fucking die for hurting her, you bitch," Jasper promised, growling out.

At least he was promising something I liked the thought of.

Victoria was just about to explode. She honestly looked like she would burst into a fiery blaze and wreak holy havoc. She looked around desperately at the rest of Riley, and the scattered remains of Laurent. Her eyes were flying everywhere, back and forth. She was still crying and panting. Jasper's growl had lessened, but it was still there as it reverberated through my frame.

"You're worried, Victoria. You should be. I am much more lethal than that pussy you were mated to."

Victoria screamed something terrible. She twitched forward a step, as did Jasper. She then thought better of it, and took two steps back. Jasper leaned back, his chest pressing into my back side, once again. A constant thrum came from him, and it was vibrating my nerves apart.

I had, for the most part, been silent, except for the breathing thing. I was struggling for air more and more. I was freezing. I could hardly feel anything from the waist down. Plus, I was now completely soaked through. I was either going into shock or suffering from hypothermia, I'm wasn't sure which. Probably both.

Either way, the pressure and pain that was radiating through my dislocated shoulder and arm was causing me to cry out. I tried to keep it in, but it was just too much. Jasper took his right hand and gently sat it on my shoulder. I felt the pain lesson, but it was not the time.

"Jasper, don't. Not right now," I croaked out. He tentatively removed his hand and put it back down in front of me.

"I'll get you out of this, I promise," his growl a whisper. Another promise I liked the thought of.

Victoria had somewhat calmed, but even I could feel her overwhelming desire to kill. To maim. She laughed an evil, menacing laugh.

"I can wait. I can wait forever. Eventually you or yours will leave her alone a moment too long, and I'll get her. She will suffer. I will pull the skin off her and the flesh off her bones before she will see death. You might have killed Laurent and Riley, but I have more, and I can make _more_."

With that she was gone. She rose up and twisted in blinding speed, and rocketed off to the north. Jasper sprung from his crouch, and was through the trees and gone before I could even squeak his name out.

I was alone, and it was not quiet. Over on the other side of the creek, something was scratching at the ground. I looked over towards Riley's body and it was _moving_.

I don't know where his head ended up, and I didn't want to see it, but I briefly pictured his head looking for the rest of his body. My stomach heaved. I was on the verge of passing out, anyway. The pain in my entire body was really starting to make itself known.

At that instant, I looked to where Victoria and Jasper disappeared. A figure darted out of the trees. My breath hitched, but it was only Jasper. I dipped my face into the icy water, just in an effort to keep from passing out.

I watched him as he went over to Riley's body on the side of the creek. He _ripped _Riley's limbs off and pile them all up along his torso. He then retrieved his head and piled it with the rest of him. He then flitted into the creek and started picking up pieces of Laurent off the bottom. Piling them with Riley's. He moved and worked swiftly, mechanically, and with purpose.

He retrieved Laurent's torso with his head still attached and piled it along with all the other body parts. The pile was quivering, and I saw a hand moving frantically. Jasper flitted over into the trees and came back with some dead twigs and branches. He scattered them around. He then took two branches and with vampire speed, rubbed them together, catching them on fire. He lit the pile of branches and twigs.

It took a few seconds, but once the fire hit the venom that was oozing out of their bodies, it was like a fuse had been lit. It flamed up into a huge incendiary fire. The smoke billowed up, thick and black, yet deep purple at the base. They would burn.

I had been watching the fire when Jasper ghosted over to me. He grasped me under my left armpit and wrapped another arm around my rib cage. He lifted me gently out of the water and helped me onto my back on the damp ground.

Jasper was moderately alarmed and concerned, but for just a second there was a feeling of instant recognition, and it was filled with such concern and guilt that I could have cried. His eyes were obsidian, and I cried.

"Bella, are you alright?"

"No."

But there was no voice behind it. He ripped my jacket open and I had to bite down while his hands and his fingers palpitated my shoulder.

"Your shoulder is dislocated. I need to put it back in so you can hang on for the trip back. It's going to hurt. It's going to hurt real fucking bad. But we have to go. We have to go now." His voice was shaking and he talked very fast. He sounded worried.

"Okay, go..Ahh!"

I felt the sickening pop and I screamed out in agony. He left his hand on my shoulder and I felt some of the throbbing pain alleviate almost immediately.

"Oh shit, Bella. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He soothed.

Darkness was encroaching on my senses, the pain too much to take. I was on my way out. And just as I was, Jasper splashed some cold water on my face, and slapped my left cheek a little too hard. He pulled me up to sit.

"Bella, dammit, you have to stay awake. I'm going to help you onto my back and you need to hang on. We have to get the hell out of here, and get out of here fast. That bitch just might change her mind and head back, and you're a liability."

Energy coursed through my veins and I became alert, probably because of Jasper's influence. I was a bit pissed off with that statement, but he was right. I needed to stay awake. I had questions for him. Why was he there, and no one else? He was supposed to have left days ago.

Jasper stood up while pulling me up by my forearms. He turned around and wrapped my arms around his neck while also helping me get up on his back. I couldn't lock my ankles because of my foot, so he held onto my knees.

I was bleeding from my arm, my legs were bleeding, I had fingernail cuts on my neck. And I was wrapped up nice and tight around Jasper Hale.


	5. Chapter 5 Flight

Chapter 5. Flight

**%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%**

***J*A*S*P*E*R***

"_I can wait. I can wait forever. Eventually you or yours will leave her alone a moment too long, and I'll get her. She will suffer. I will pull the skin off her and the flesh off her bones before she will see death. You might have killed Laurent and Riley, but I have more, and I can make __more__."_

Victoria's threat to Bella had made the venom coursing through me boil. It pooled in my mouth and I couldn't swallow it fast enough. I was salivated so much of the shit, I had to just spit it out.

She took off like a bat out of hell towards the forest and I had lunged after her. I heard Bella say my name as I went but I knew I would be back and she would be safe. It was actually a miracle that she hadn't suffered too much from being thrown like she was, but I also knew I needed to get her out of that forest soon because shock was setting in.

But I needed to get that bitch before she got away. Victoria was fast, and Laurent's bite on my shoulder burned.

Victoria wasn't only cunning, she was very fast, and catching her was going to be impossible. But I could still see her in front of me as she flew through the trees, and I heard her talking. She had phone, and a three second conversation changed my plans.

"I need help! Laurent and Riley are dead! One of the Cullen's came back and he's on my ass. Get the others off their asses and come help _me_! I'm to the southeast of town. I'm almost there!"

_So she has friends. Fuck._

During her rant about killing Bella, she was emitting everything. Fury, fear, disappointment, and anticipation. And she wasn't talking shit, either; she was being truthful and believed in every word she said.

There was no doubt she was determined to get Bella and do exactly what she said she wanted to do to her. She had friends, and she would make more. We were less than ten miles away from Tacoma. I had to develop a plan of action, and that action meant running.

It pissed me off to no end that I didn't know what she had waiting there. How _many_ other vampires she has waiting. My experience had taught me not to walk into a situation blind, if it could be helped. But, _fuck._ I wanted her so badly. I want to take her apart piece by piece, chunk by chunk, put the cunt back together, and do it all over again.

I had to let her go for the time being. I needed to burn up Laurent and Riley, and I needed to get Bella the fuck out that place. I stopped pursuit. I ran to the stream and saw that Bella had not moved. She wasn't unconscious, but she was looking over at Riley's body trying to locate his head.

I quickly took care of Riley and Laurent, burning the bastards and sending them to hell. But as I was dismembering and burning, I could feel Bella watching me. I knew I had to be frightening her, but I couldn't feel any emotions coming from her, and that alarmed me.

I flitted over to her and made a quick assessment of her injuries. Her shoulder was definitely dislocated, and her legs were a fucking mess. She was bleeding from some cuts on her neck, and there was fresh blood seeping through the bandage on her arm. A wound I had caused.

I lifted her out of the water and moved her back onto dry ground. I needed to at least get her shoulder situated, so I could get her on my back and we could get the fuck out of there. But even though I could feel nothing coming from her, I could tell she was in a large amount of pain. I told her what we needed to do and as quickly as I could, and I popped her shoulder back in its socket. It was only then that I felt some pain coming from her.

I could smell new scents on the breeze coming out of the northwest. I wasn't sure how many, they overlapped and combined. I would have no trouble getting a good distance away from them, but they would definitely follow my trail. Time was of the essence.

Every part of me was focused on getting the hell out of there. I needed to get back to the house, get the car, and get the fuck out of Forks. Another part of my mind took note of the fact that Bella was bleeding – and, from quite a few spots. My throat was burning, and her scent was calling out to me; singing to me to, _'come and get it'_. But somehow I maintained control. I attributed it to being furious with Victoria and the rest of my mind was in survival mode. Even my monster knew we were in deep shit.

Bella's health issues needed to be attended to, but there was no time. My mind was formulating and plotting. I needed to get us the fuck out of there first, then starting making some fucking phone calls. Keeping Bella alive was the priority. Killing that bitch came second. I ran faster than I had ever run before.

**%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%**

***B*E*L*L*A***

The speed was unbelievable. I couldn't compare it to any other time I had been on Edward's back, even when we ran from the clearing from James. The velocity left me stunned.

I tucked and curled my face into Jasper's neck because it felt like the skin was going to peel off my face. The whips of the wind I felt on the exposed parts of my already-numb skin made me cry in agony. I knew at some point I cried out, but he did not stop.

There was a sense about me that told me Jasper was furious, far from the calm and complacent Jasper I had knew, but closer to the animal I had a glimpse of on my birthday. I was bleeding all around him, even on him, but he was in complete control of himself. That much was obvious because I was still alive.

Every time I felt on the verge of unconsciousness because the pain was too much to take, he would dose out some caffeine and perk me up again.

I wasn't aware of which direction we were traveling in, but as soon as Forks crossed my mind, I instantly thought about Charlie.

Charlie was in just as much danger as I was. I had no sense of time other than I knew it was very late, or very early. I knew he would be looking for me, and though she hadn't said anything about my dad, I had to wonder if Victoria had already gotten to him.

Jasper picked up on my panic and distress. He turned his head and yelled into the deafening wind.

"Bella, it'll be alright! I won't let anything happen to you! You need to stay calm!"

His words did little to help. I could only get one word out, because it was impossible to talk with the wind peeling the skin off my bones. But it was the only thing that mattered the most right then.

"Charlie!"

Jasper yelled back again. "He'll be taken care of, don't worry! They won't get to him! But you're my priority right now and you need to do exactly as I say and when I say! I promise you that..."

But I couldn't hear him any longer, my inner ears were throbbing and I just wanted to shut them down. I tried to stay calm because he obviously needed me to, and I trusted him. He had saved my life. He had killed two vampires and fought the other one off of him successfully. For me.

I didn't know why he had done it. It certainly wasn't worth the risk to himself. He wasn't even supposed to have been in Forks. I had so many questions but they would have to wait.

I felt like I was stuck in a nightmare that would never end. I couldn't feel anything anymore, and it was so cold. At some point, I think he decided to quit keeping me awake because I found relief in unconsciousness for just a few seconds.

The shattering and splintering of wood woke me. The next thing I knew, Jasper was unlocking my legs and sitting me down on something soft. I opened my eyes and tried to focus. It was dark. A second later, Jasper started ripping my jacket off, along with part of my shirt. I started to panic and tried to kick at him and hit him. But my limbs were not cooperating.

He grabbed my head with both of his hands very roughly. I couldn't see his face completely, but some light filtering in from outside illuminated him somewhat. There was anger there in his face.

"Bella, shhh. You're soaking wet. I'm not going to hurt you, I promise. I'm going to get you in something dry, but we have to hurry. They might be following us. You can't do it by yourself, and I have no time for your self-consciousness," he ended firmly.

He didn't even let me respond. We were in his and Alice's bedroom, and I was on their bed. Jasper darted into the closet, and came back out with his arms full of clothes. He threw them on the edge of the bed next to me, and then took off my left shoe and sock quickly.

Jasper was not being gentle, and I was too stunned. He ripped off the rest of my jacket, and then my shirt. He ripped my bra right down the middle of my breasts, moving the straps down my arms, and off. He was being quick and almost methodical. He worked quickly, and I tried to help. My bad arm went into the sleeve of a zip-up sweat shirt and he pulled it up, covering me partially while I managed to get my good arm into the other sleeve. He zipped it up before I even blinked.

Jasper pulled me up to stand, saying nothing as he crouched down. I grabbed his shoulders with both arms, I could not stand on my own. He ripped my jeans sending the button flying, and continued to rip the legs out until they just fell away.

Really, there was no time for a little horror and embarrassment but I couldn't help but feel some. And just when I didn't think things could get any worse, he ripped my underwear down the sides and they fell to the floor. He was already stepping my feet into the legs of a pair of Alice's sweatpants, pulling them up.

The next thing I knew, I was sitting in the Vanquish and he was strapping me in, and at that point I almost felt the need to vomit. A moment after that, he was beside me starting the car, and we burned out of the driveway.

I couldn't take anymore. My ears were ringing, and my head was throbbing. Unconsciousness finally found me. Or he helped me find it.


	6. Chapter 6 The Plan

Chapter 6. The Plan

***J*A*S*P*E*R***

It didn't matter how fast I ran, Forks just seemed to slip further and further away. I hadn't sensed any vampires following us since we had left the stream, but I knew they most likely would. It still pissed me off to no end not knowing how many there were, or just what the threat was. But I was taken action against the worst scenario.

I regretted telling Emmett and Rosalie to go ahead and leave ahead of me. Fuck, at that point, I wanted the whole family there.

Bella was not doing well flying on the back of a madman. I knew that the cold air and wind hitting her as I ran caused her great pain, and hypothermia was starting to set in. There were times in the past where she would walk by me and I would soak up the heat coming off of her; but on my back, she was cold. Her breathing was labored. Her voice raw. Her trachea had suffered some trauma from Victoria grabbing her neck and tossing her. Her heart was beating very fast and the entire frame of her body was shuddering around me.

At one point she began to panic and I had thought she was afraid of me. I was kind of expecting it. She didn't calm however, after I tried to reassure her that she would be fine. And she would be. I would not let myself or anything else hurt her. But Bella being Bella was worried about Charlie and not herself. The lack of self-preservation that girl had was a quality I admired about her.

She was right to think that Charlie would be in danger, though. Experience had taught her well. Charlie would need looking after, but there was no way we could stay in Forks. Staying around would only bring attention to him as her weakest link, and Victoria could use him just like James had faked Bella out using her mother as a ploy. We needed to get far away from there. I needed to get Bella safe - somewhere Victoria would never think to look - and then I could deal with her once I knew what I was dealing with.

_She would make more_. It was dawning on me that I was going to need a shit load of help.

When we finally arrived at the house, I kicked the double doors in, shattering Esme's custom made doors. I ran Bella up to my room. Alice had left the majority of her clothes behind, and I sure as hell hadn't packed them to take to the new house. Bella needed dry clothes and we needed to move.

She started to panic and she was feeling embarrassment and mortification as I tore her clothes off. I dressed her in Alice's clothes. They were a little small, but they would work for the time being.

And at some point I decided that later on, when I wasn't so fucking pissed off and I felt the need to get the fuck out of dodge - and when I could just _relax _- I'd recollect on a naked Bella Swan. Because that shit deserved some recollecting.

It just wasn't the time.

I left her barefoot. Her right foot and leg was a mess, anyway. I picked her up and ran her down the stairs, strapping her into the passenger seat of the Vanquish. I stopped for a second to see if I could hear anyone approaching, but I couldn't hear anything. I slipped into the driver's seat and took off.

I stopped diverting her pain and she was out before I even got to the end of our road. I was a little worried though about a possible concussion and perhaps I should have kept her awake, but she needed relief. Her breathing was steady, but wheezy. Her heart was still beating a little fast, but it was much slower than before.

I couldn't heat the car just yet. I closed all the vents trying to keep her scent inside. If we were being chased, I needed to take every precaution necessary so they would lose our scent. If Bella did suffer from any frostbite it would also be best to warm it up later. She would be in pain.

My phone was sitting in the cup holder and I took it out . The display showed eight missed calls and messages. Six were from Emmett, two were from Rosalie. I looked at the time on my phone. It was almost three-thirty in the morning, and Emmett's last call had been five minutes before. I dialed him and he picked up on the first ring.

"_Jasper, Where the fuck have you been?! We're on our way back to Forks! One of the docs at the hospital called Carlisle and told him Bella's missing!"_

"Well, she's not missing anymore. I have her. Where the fuck are you?" I sort-of yelled back. Bella jumped in her seat, awakening with a yelp.

"_We're on I-90, just east of Spokane! You have her!? What the fuck happened?! Where the hell are you!?"_

"Emmett, stop screaming and listen. And do that, just fucking listen," I seethed into the phone. The goddamn panic in his voice was causing me to panic, and the fucker wasn't even beside me.

Emmett didn't respond so I spoke quickly, but slow enough so Bella could understand.

"Victoria's here. She took her. Edward left her in the forest, Emmett. I don't know why, I don't know how, but he left her in the forest and that's where Victoria nabbed her. I followed Bella's scent and that fucking bitch had her, Emmett. She was going to kill her."

There was a pause before he responded. "_What?"_ I could hear the confusion.

"Victoria had her, Emmett. But I killed two of them and got her back."

It was quiet for a moment.

"_Jasper, elaborate."_

"Victoria took Bella about two miles away from the Swan's. Edward left her out there by herself. They ran with her, all the way to Tacoma. I didn't give them the fuckin' chance. Laurent was with her, and a newborn. I killed them but that bitch got away. There's more, Emmett, I can smell them. She wants to kill her. Hell, the cunt probably wants to kill all of us. She's not going to stop, so I'm getting Bella the fuck out of here."

Emmett growled. "_Where are you? Is Bella okay?" _He sounded frantic.

"I'm on the highway headed north. I'm going to take the Bainbridge so I can throw them off our scent. Turn around and head to Nampa. I should be there in about eight or nine hours. Bella's hurt. She's scraped up pretty bad and her shoulder was dislocated but I popped it back in. She's gonna need some stitches but I'll do what I can until Carlisle can attend to her. Victoria...Victoria had her by her neck. I'm pretty sure her esophagus and trachea are just bruised, though."

There was a pause. "_Jasper...are...are you sure you can do that? I mean...how are you dealing? You can't hurt her Jasper..."_

"I'm not going to hurt her, Emmett! I'm in control. I'm too fucking pissed off and just worried about getting the fuck out of here and getting her safe. Then I'm gonna find that fucking bitch and I'm gonna tear her to fucking pieces!"

While this conversation was going on, Bella was watching me and listening intently. Tears were rolling down her face. She was looking at me with gratitude, but she was releasing waves of anger and fear. I was pretty sure she was picking up my emotions.

I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down, and pushed a little of that her way. It wasn't working though. I was too pissed off. That anger, the hostility I was feeling was with no doubt showing on my face.

"_Jasper, I'm sorry. I didn't mean...you know what? Forget I said anything. We'll talk about it later. You sound like you have a plan. Do you?"_

"Yeah, sort of. I'll tell you about it later. Bella's awake and I need to talk to her. Just head down to Nampa. Where's Carlisle?" I asked.

"_He's about a half hour behind us. We hadn't made it to the cabin quite yet. He called us after he received that phone call. Anyways, he's behind us, I'll call him. Rosalie's tried calling Edward, but his phone is off. We thought maybe he'd taken her. Jasper, are you sure they didn't get to Edward?"_

"The trail split in two. His went back to Charlie's, and Bella's went deeper into the forest. He fucking left her in the forest, Emmett."

Bella's eyes and head dropped to her lap, and she wept softly. I felt like such an asshole. The level of grief that she started emitting was terrible. I could feel the pain in her chest. I felt like such a dick.

"_Why would he have done that?"_

"I don't know, but I intend to find out. Emmett, listen...Have Carlisle call me as soon as you tell him what's happened. Tell him to call those dogs out at La Push and have them watch Charlie. Victoria might try to get him and use him as leverage. They need to be aware of the situation anyway, so they don't think we took Bella and broke treaty. Have him get Esme on a plane, and send her down to Phil and Renee's. She needs to watch them. Carlisle should probably go, too, but I'll need him to look at Bella before he does that. You and Rosalie stop somewhere and get Bella some clothes to wear. I have her in some of Alice's right now, but I didn't have time to grab anything else. Grab whatever you think she'll need. She'll need shoes too, but she won't be doing much walking for a few days."

Rosalie cut in. I could hear her in the background.

"_Does he want us to try and get a hold of Alice? And what about Edward? Shouldn't we try to find them?"_

"No. Fuck, no. I'll explain later, but I need to talk to Bella first. If he calls you back, tell him. But, right now, I don't want his fucking interference. Fuck him."

There was no excuse. You don't leave the love of your life in places where monsters lurk. Whether she's human or not.

"_Alright. Just...give her our best. Tell her we're sorry and tell her we love her. We'll see you soon. Call us if you need anything."_

"I will. Bye."

I hung up the phone. Bella was still crying. Tears ran down her dirty face, she had a few scratches on her left cheek and up by her eye. And a fat lip.

I knew what kind of day she had. I didn't need to feel her heartache, her anger, or her self-worthlessness. It was written all over her face. We left her. We left her to fend off monsters by herself after we fucking introduced her to them.

I took a few deep breaths in an effort to calm myself. I wasn't even in condition to go into details about everything at that moment. I was pissed off and I wanted to commit fucking murder.

Time dragged, but there was solace in the silence. Words were not spoken, giving us both a little space and some quiet time. She just looked out her window, leaning on the door rest, with her fist up by her mouth.

I looked at her, trying to get an idea of just how badly she was injured. Her neck from what I could see behind the veil of hair was bruised considerably. Her legs and foot would be scarred. How disturbing it was that her injuries matched her feelings.

The pain in her chest screamed at me, and that pain had a name.

Edward.


	7. Chapter 7 Addiction

Chapter 7. Addiction

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***B*E*L*L*A***

I was sure it had all just been a bad dream until I woke up to Jasper yelling on the phone. It took some coherency and some listening to realize it was Emmett. I listened as he brought Emmett up-to-date on everything that had occurred. Jasper had that car up to a hundred and forty five miles an hour.

Every now and then, he would need to slow down for a curve, and then he would accelerate again. I couldn't even begin to give a shit. I wasn't sure completely but I thought were were headed North.

I listened to him tell Emmett where to meet us and about my injuries. Jasper was visibly upset, furious even. The anger and the intent to kill something was very evident just on his face alone, while the rest of him seemed to be tense. He really looked a little frightening.

I noticed while he was speaking to Emmett that he had a bit of a southern drawl in his voice. Since I never heard it before I figured it was just something that came out when he was angry, or maybe even scared.

The Jasper I knew liked to read books in a chair in the corner of the family room. This Jasper reminded me of some backwoods' country boy with a beer in one hand and a shotgun in the other. The kind you didn't want to fuck around with.

I think I liked them both.

I took note that his honey colored hair was a little disheveled. He would glance at me every now and then, his eyes still obsidian and hard. His eyebrows were all scrunched up, and his lips were in a tight line.

Jasper was dressed in all black. A long sleeve, t-shirt and a black pair of jeans. His left arm would twitch every now and then.

I knew he had been bitten at least once. I was sure he was in some sort of pain. I started to cry because it was all just so overwhelming. I had accepted death when Victoria picked me up by the neck. I was sure I was going to die. I had accepted that Edward wasn't coming back and no one would be there to save me. I simply thought it was the end. Now I was on the run. On the run with Jasper Hale, and I didn't want to die.

"_I'm not going to hurt her, Emmett! I'm in control. I'm too fucking pissed..__"_

Jasper exhibited perfect control while he was around more than just a singular drop of blood. The situation was dangerous, there were other things keeping him distracted, keeping his blood lust at bay. I knew that when he attacked me on my birthday, it was just a horrible mistake. A terrible mistake that I could have avoided if I had been careful. And I believed Edward wouldn't have left if I hadn't have screwed up.

I dropped my eyes down to my hands. I just couldn't keep it in anymore.

I listened as Jasper spoke about Carlisle's whereabouts, along with Emmett's and Rosalie's. It left me to wonder why the family was separated. _Where was Alice? She was supposed to be with Jasper. They were supposed to have headed north. Why was he still here?_

The proclamation by Jasper to Emmett about leaving me in the forest caused my chest to swell up with pain. Edward had left me in the forest, and I had run after him because I didn't want to let him go.

I was a fool to think he would ever want me as much as I wanted him. I wasn't good enough. I felt Jasper trying to send me some calming waves, but it wasn't helping.

"_...If he calls you back, tell him. But, right now, I don't want his fucking interference. Fuck him." _

I hated the fact that Jasper was upset with Edward. He didn't know everything. I was sure that if Edward had known, he wouldn't have left. It wasn't his fault at all. I didn't want what happened to cause strife between the two.

If I would have had the energy, I would have let Jasper have it for saying something so harsh about his brother. It was all too much. Tears rolled down my cheeks and it was just all too much. I tried to stop thinking by just listening to the car's engine purr.

I knew Jasper wanted to talk, but he didn't say anything, and neither did I. The silence was actually very welcome and I wondered if he needed a little of it just as much as I did. The car was swimming in an emotional clusterfuck of feelings, and I knew they just weren't all coming from me.

I looked out the windshield as we passed by the exit for Port Angeles. Jasper had said we were taking the Bainbridge Island ferry. I put my head back on the head rest for a moment and closed my eyes.

The car coming to a stop woke me up. Jasper was in a small line of cars getting ready to pay for passage. He rolled down his window and handed the twelve dollar fee over to the attendant, and slowly pulled onto the ferry, stopping the car. I heard the horn for the ferry, we were already getting ready to undock.

Jasper didn't turn the car off. He turned the heat on inside the car before he turned a little in his seat towards me. I looked at him. His eyes had lightened a little. His pupils were still extremely dilated but I could see a little amber along the outer rims of his irises.

"We just made it," he said quietly.

I didn't know what to say. I did manage to nod a little at him.

He looked at me solemnly. "I'm going to get out of the car, but I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right outside if you need anything. Put the seat back and try and get a little rest. It's a forty-five minute boat ride to Seattle. Keep the heat on. You need to warm up a little."

He looked away and out through the windshield. "I know it's a lot to take in. I know you're feeling overwhelmed." And then he looked over at me.

I was at a loss for words. I was too tired, and everything was throbbing. The best answer to that I could come up with croaked out of my throat.

"You think?"

The corner of his right lip twitched up into a grin.

I felt a little calmer, though emotion was still getting the best of me. I told him the only thing I could think of at the moment.

"Thank you for saving my life."

I couldn't look at him anymore, so I looked out the windshield. Tears clouded my vision and I choked back a sob threatening to escape my chest.

I didn't jump when he took his index finger and wiped a tear away from the corner of my eye.

"I've told you before that you're worth it. And I meant it."

There was a hint of a smile there amongst some anger, but I knew the anger wasn't for me. His words made me smile. He winked before he got out of the car and closed the door.

I watched as he went over look out over the water. He leaned on the railing, his head angling up towards the breeze. I realized he was listening intently and taking deep breaths, smelling the air. His head turned, and he was glaring at the dock. I was suddenly afraid.

Jasper turned his head again and looked at me. He winked and shook his head somewhat. A silent, 'it's okay'. He turned again to look back out at the passing sea.

I put the seat back, and I closed my eyes. I was out immediately.

***J*A*S*P*E*R***

I stayed outside the car for the ferry ride over to Seattle so she could sleep.

The plan was to get on our way as quickly as possible once we arrived in Seattle, but I was going to stop somewhere and get some supplies to take care of her wounds, and get her some food and water. I was starting to worry about dehydration. The fucking issue though was her blood.

I had gotten out of the car for a few reasons, though. One, she needed some time alone, and so did I. My throat was ablaze, it felt as if a river of lava was carving a new path down into my chest, and it took my breath away even though I didn't need to breathe.

Something had changed though, and I didn't know why or when. Maybe it was because I was determined to keep her safe. Maybe it was just because I cared for her. I didn't feel _hungry_ for her. The desire was there, and I knew it would quench the burn, but the sensory takeover to quench the desire wasn't there. It was tolerable even though it was painful.

Her arm was bleeding in front of my face as we ran. Her neck was bleeding when I changed her clothes. Her legs were still oozing delicious red. The uncontrolled blood lust stayed at bay. It made me burn something fucking awful, but all of me was adverse to killing her.

An ugly part of me though still would have loved to have drained her because nothing compared, and Bella smelled really, really good. Habitual tendency still ruled over a part of me, but something had changed. And maybe it was just because of her.

She was worth fighting for. She was worth defending. She had a good soul and she had always put others before her. She didn't provoke anyone or ask for any of this to happen. All she had wanted was to love a boy who happened to be a vampire.

Maybe my addiction was just temporarily swayed because I found something else that I desired. Victoria. The bitch needed to die. She would pay just for the fact that she had touched her, and had hurt her.

After James' death, I had talked with the other family members about maybe tracking her down. While Emmett had been fully on board with the idea, Edward had thought it unnecessary. He didn't believe they were bonded, and he had a point because Victoria disappeared and never re-emerged after the events in Phoenix. We were dead fucking wrong, of course. And Laurent was supposed to be living with the Denali clan. He must not have adjusted as well as we were lead to believe.

I watched Bella as she slept through the car windshield. The tears she had cried had left their marks in the dirt on her face. Edward had left his mark. The despair and self-worthlessness wasn't even close to being tangible.

I didn't know how Edward broke the news to her, but I was determined to find out. Whatever he said, whatever he did could not have been good. But to just leave her in the forest? What the fuck could he have been thinking?

Three days ago I had tried to kill the girl. Now I was guarding her with my own life. Both of our mates had left us, and they were nowhere to be found or wanting to be. The real question was whether or not we want them around? I sure as fuck didn't. Alice was gone and I accepted that. I didn't need to deal with the emotional bullshit.

I had to stay focused, but I didn't know if Bella wanted me to find Edward for her. I needed to find out. Personally I didn't want the son of a bitch around. It only complicated things.

I pondered over all the emotions she had been sending off, from the very beginning. There had been a few times when I hadn't felt anything from her. It left me frustrated. To feel nothing was downright uncomfortable.

The sky was starting to lighten as we arrived at the port in Seattle. There were no scents in the air and I was pretty confident we had lost them. Victoria was no tracker, but she was smart. Riley had been a newborn, Victoria most likely his sire. She had the restraint necessary to make more. Newborns were predictable, but their strength unparalleled to a mature vampire.

A few on their own I could handle, but a coven of newborns with an experienced sire would be a threat. I was preparing for the worst case scenario. And I would need help.

Emmett would be a force to be reckoned with, and I knew Rosalie could probably hold her own, as well as Carlisle. He hated to fight, but he would if his family was threatened. I was adverse to Esme fighting because frankly, the thought frightened me. But I also knew there would be no way in hell she would stand idly by while her family confronted a possible threat.

The truth was I was frightened at the thought of any of them fighting, and I didn't want the world I had come from to touch them in any way.

I needed more help. We needed a place to hide, and we needed to prepare for the worst while I waited for an opportunity to bring that bitch down. So we would hide, and we would wait.

I took out my phone, and dialed the number for a reason I never thought I would have to dial it for.

He of course answered on the first ring, because that motherfucker just _knew_. And it wasn't because I was on his caller ID. Jesus Fucking Christ.

"_Hello, Jasper." _

"Peter... I need your help."


	8. Chapter 8 A Love Lost Part I

Chapter 8. A Love Lost Part I

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***J*A*S*P*E*R***

After I had spoken with Peter, Carlisle had called. It had taken him a while to get a hold of the Quileutes' pack leader. They had been out in the forest searching for Bella. Carlisle informed them about the situation with James and Victoria, as well as what occurred with Bella during the night. He also told them that she was indeed, safe.

I often found myself awed by Carlisle's ability to openly communicate with what was our unnatural enemy. There had been a treaty in place for a number of years, and even before I joined the family. The wolves would not harm the Cullens' or anyone like them as long as we did not take human life. Carlisle had to know the risk he was taking when I joined the family, and especially when we moved to Forks.

The pack leader had told Carlisle that they had picked up Bella's scent, Victoria's, and mine as well. They had followed it. They found the ash piles of the two vampires I killed. They had found our scent going back to the Cullen home, and in the interest of Bella's safety, had broken treaty and crossed over to our lands. Carlisle informed them we were no longer in the area and had no intention of returning. My suspicions however of being tracked were confirmed.

They came across Victoria's and four other fresh trails. They followed them south and managed to kill one of them—which wasn't Victoria. The others had gotten away. It was a confirmation. One I really didn't need, but one just the same. Victoria was a cunning bitch.

Carlisle talked to the leader about Charlie's safety, who informed Carlisle that he would be protected around the clock. Evidently, the pack leader and Charlie were old friends, and he had strongly disagreed with Carlisle about not returning Bella to her home. He stated that, together, we would be able to protect the both of them from an attack.

It wasn't an option, and Carlisle expressed that. I wanted Bella out of the area completely. I would not risk her or anyone else in Forks.

It made sense to keep them split apart. Victoria would think Bella would be with us, and she would know that we would protect her at all costs. Victoria might have thought she could use Charlie as leverage, but this around we wouldn't allow Bella the opportunity to sacrifice herself.

It was a risk to take, and I was sure Bella would disagree, but...tough shit. I believed splitting them up was the best option because it _would_ take Charlie out of the equation because it created more problems for Victoria now that wolves were involved. She would just focus on us. The wolves would keep him safe, and it was the most I could hope for.

Carlisle then told me about another complication. Bella's disappearance was now public information. The media had even reported that a note had been left in the house, and that Bella had gone on a walk with her boyfriend. The state authorities were now looking for Edward and all of us as persons of interest. It was a minor fucking difficulty, but a difficulty just the same. They were currently trying to locate photos of Edward and the family. They had gone to the house to find the front doors obliterated and the house abandoned.

It could be an easy fix for us. For Bella, though, it would mean she would have to make a phone call. Bella was now legal age and capable of making her own decisions. But she would have to make a phone call and spin some tale about running away. And given the situation of her disappearance, a tale about running away with Edward.

She would have to lie to her father again. It would not go over well. In fact, it was going to suck. Carlisle and I both agreed that this was a decision that only she could make. And it could wait. Edward was most likely in the middle of fucking nowhere, Alaska and Carlisle already had Jenks working on making the rest of us disappear.

I spent a few minutes talking to Carlisle about Bella's injuries. He would assess her shoulder later for any other injuries it might have sustained from being dislocated. I told him that the stitches in her arm had probably torn out and she might require some work on her leg. I told him about my discovery concerning her blood and how adverse I seemed to be to killing her.

It was decided that I would clean her wounds as best as I could, without causing unnecessary bleeding. He would probably need to do some minor surgery at a later point to close any lacerations that needed to be sewn up to prevent unnecessary scarring.

When we arrived at the port in Seattle, I got back in the car as quietly as I could. She didn't wake. Her scent was overpowering, but it was still tolerable. Every now and then she would cry out in her sleep in discomfort. I wasn't sure if it was because she was experiencing pain from her injuries, or if she was dreaming. Edward had said she had vivid dreams when she slept, and that she often talked.

I decided to wait and just pick up supplies somewhere along the Interstate. The ride for the most part was quiet. We were on I-90 heading east and just outside of Yakima when she started to stir. She yelled out and woke herself up. Her left hand flew up to grasp her left shoulder, but she let it fall back in her lap immediately. She blinked a few times, trying to get her eyes to focus.

She looked over at me a little confused. She took a moment to collect herself, and her thoughts as she looked out the windows before she looked at me and smiled a little. Her fat lip kind of made it impossible though, You could tell the scab was tight and it discomforted to her when her lip stretched the wrong direction.

"Where are we?" She croaked when she talked.

I smiled back at her. "We're just getting ready to hit Yakima."

"How...how long have I been asleep?" She was shocked, and she readjusted herself in the seat.

"Just a little over two hours. You're exhausted. I thought it best to let you rest for a little bit. You could probably use some more sleep, but I'd like for you to stay up a bit. We're going to stop here, go to a store, and get you a few things. And I think something to drink and eat, too. You're dehydrated. Then we'll get a room, get your wounds cleaned up, and we'll head out again. I'm sorry. I know you could probably use a bed right now, but we really need to get a move on."

She sighed and was silent for a moment, and she stared straight ahead in deep concentration. She was a little apprehensive.

"Where are we going?"

"We're going to Nampa, Idaho. Carlisle, Rosalie, and Emmett are meeting us there. I'll tell you the rest after we get you taken care of. I need to know what hurts...as far as your injuries are concerned, and tell me everything, okay? We'll address everything else later."

She nodded her head slowly. Her lips were dry and chapped, and she licked them.

"Okay. I am really thirsty. And I...um...well, I...um...I _really_ need to go to the bathroom. My, uh...shoulder hurts a little bit, and my neck feels really stiff."

Bella shifted in her seat and wiggled her left foot. She could barely move the right. And she was feeling an extreme amount of embarrassment.

"My right leg and foot hurt something awful. It feels like my skin is tight and raw. That's the worst. My left feels okay...it's just a little sore. My back is sore, and so is my butt. Other than that, I'm pretty good." Blood pooled in her cheeks and she sighed.

The bathroom issue had me a little worried, only because I knew she was a little humiliated earlier when I stripped her and put her in new clothes. I couldn't begin to imagine how she would feel if I had to help her take care of business.

"I'll stop at this rest stop coming up. Do you think you can walk, or will you need help?" I cautiously asked.

I could feel her embarrassment heighten, and there was also a tinge of slight fear.

She looked down and said very quietly, "I think I can walk, if you give me time. It'll probably take me longer than usual."

I acted a little insulted and scoffed at her. "Don't worry, I can be patient. But if you think you're gonna need help, tell me. Now is not the time to worry about such a natural thing as needing to take a piss, or...you know."

She was still looking down, but at least she laughed a little. Her whole head turned a very bright red. She still wouldn't look at me, but she quietly said, "I'm sorry, Jasper. I promise I'll tell you if I need help. Just get me to a toilet, please?"

I chuckled. "You don't have anything to be sorry for, and your wish is my command."

I pulled off at an exit for a rest stop and I helped her get out of the car. She was very stiff and in a lot of discomfort. She could stand okay, but walking was proving to be difficult and painful. There were steps that needed climbing so I lifted her cautiously, carrying her up to the restroom door.

It was cold out, and she had no jacket. I was mentally making a list of things to get for her. She had no shoes, and I knew her feet would freeze on the cold floor of the restroom. But her right foot was so messed up I doubted she'd be able to wear one.

I put her down and held on to her while I opened the door. She gingerly walked in on her own. I told her to keep her hand on the wall, and I would wait outside the door. She was feeling extremely embarrassed.

She, no doubt, knew I could hear, and thought I was probably listening. I was only thinking about her falling and getting hurt. I shut my senses down and walked away a little, giving her some privacy.

Three minutes later, Bella opened the door and waited at the door's edge. I smiled at her and walked over to pick her up and carried her back to the car. I got back on the interstate and, after a couple minutes, we got off at the downtown exit. I didn't want to leave her in the car by herself, but she couldn't be seen, either. I knew I was being overly cautious but I didn't want to leave her by herself.

It was daylight out, cloudy, and it looked like rain was coming in. I stopped at a small department store and parked in front of the door. I told Bella that I would leave her for only a minute and that I would leave the car running, but to lock the doors once I got out.

Not that a locked door would stop a vampire. _Real smart, Jasper._

Once in the store, I quickly gathered the items I needed to attend to her injuries. A couple of bottles of peroxide, a couple tubes of antibiotic ointment, plenty of rolls of gauze, and ace bandages. I picked up some over the counter pain medication, as well.

I also picked up a hairbrush for Bella, and a bottle of strawberry-scented shampoo. I walked by a rack of Seattle Seahawks sweatshirts, I picked pink. They had a pair of white sweatpants with the logo, and I probably picked a size too big but she probably wouldn't have minded not wearing anything tight. I also found her a pair of beige slip on slippers with sheep's lining and a pair of soft socks.

Halloween was coming up in a month and the store was putting up an isle, so when I saw the bunny I picked it up immediately. I grabbed a couple of bottles of water, and a couple of bottles of Gatorade. I saw some pretzels, and knowing that Bella liked them, I picked them up and headed to the check out.

Bella was in the car, gazing out of her side window. She had a distant look in her eyes and sadness poured from her. I knocked on the driver's side window, startling her. She leaned over slowly and unlocked the door. I put the bags in the back, taking out and giving her one of the bottles of water I had bought. She drank half of it.

When I told her she needed to eat, she pointed to the first fast-food place we drove by. A McDonald's. When we went through and she ordered an Egg McMuffin meal with a large orange juice. The smell was revolting.

I took us to a hotel by the Interstate so we could clean up and I could take care of her injuries. After going in and paying for the room I drove us to the side of the building, taking her in first and getting her settled at the table inside the room so she could eat. I went back out to the car to retrieve the things I bought at the store, leaving the bag with my gift. I also grabbed my duffel, I needed a shower and a change of clothes.

Once I was back in the room, I turned on the TV. I avoided the news channels, and clicked over to the History Channel. Bella ate while I called Emmett to see if he had any news.

He told me that Carlisle had still been trying to get a hold of Edward to no avail. He sent Eleazar over to the house in Alaska to see if Edward had made it there. The house was still deserted. For some reason, I thought that would be the last place he'd go. He had wanted some space and I wanted to bet money that meant him going somewhere the family wouldn't look.

I silently thanked my lucky stars. I filled Emmett in on our whereabouts, and told him that Bella was doing much better. I kept it short and hung up.

She had managed to eat half of her sandwich and all of the potato thing, and she was eyeballing the bags on the bed while pushing up the cuff on the sweatshirt to check out her arm. The bandage was soaked through, but dry for the most part.

I walked over and grabbed the bag off the bed, taking everything out I would need to use to clean her wounds, and placing it on the table. I moved the other chair over and sat directly in front of her.

"Can you hold out your arm, please?" I asked. I wanted to get this part over; it was the most difficult. Bella was starting to feel a little nervous, and so was I. She looked at me for a second before she stretched out and rested her arm on the table.

I took a deep breath and steeled myself. "Alright. I'm gonna take off the bandage. Your stitches are broke open. I'm just going to clean it up. Then we'll take a look at your legs, and maybe your neck."

She was tentative and fearful, but she nodded. "Okay."

"I'm not going to breathe, but stay calm and trust me. I know you have no reason to after what I did. There's no excuse, and for that I am truly sorry. But, I swear, I will not hurt you."

I felt her shock immediately. It was even in her eyes as they widened. She was appalled, and she seemed a little..pissed. Her voice was stronger, but hoarse.

"Jasper, it was a _mistake._ It was a natural reaction for you to have. Why the hell would you think I have no reason to trust you? I have every reason to trust you."

I shook my head. "No, you don't. I can feel your nervousness and you're entitled to it. I'm just trying to reassure you that I won't harm you."

She _was_ getting pissed. "Jasper, you saved my life. You were there when no one else was. Don't tell me I shouldn't trust you, and don't put too much thought into how I feel. Yeah, I'm worried. Yeah, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. I know how hard this is for you, but I'm more because I'm afraid of what _I_ will see, not because of _you_. I don't deal well with blood and guts. Don't you know that?" She said, aggravated.

She was telling the truth. I had completely forgotten that Edward had said she would pass out at the sight of blood, and that she could smell it.

I didn't know what to say. So I said nothing. We just looked at each other for a moment. She didn't waver in any way.

Bella looked away and tried pulling up her sleeve a little more, and I took that as a sign to get the job done. I cut her old bandage off. The stitches had ripped out so I pulled out the torn sutures. She was going to shower so it didn't make any sense to take suture tape to it or bandage it, so I just poured a little peroxide on.

She held her breath, and she didn't watch. It was a little comical, but we all had our own qualities and I didn't know if she'd find my humor in it funny.

Her neck wounds were a little worse. Blue, reds, and yellow marred tender skin and there was literally a hand print on her neck, along with three cuts where the bitch had dug her nails in.

The scent of her blood wafted and I hated holding my breath. Venom pooled in my throat, but I was dealing.

I was running a piece of gauze with peroxide over the deepest cut, right next to her jugular. It could have really used a stitch or two.

"Does this one hurt?"

She opened her eyes but closed them again. "No, not really."

She said it didn't hurt, but she was lying. I didn't call her out on it, but I gave her a look when she winced in pain when I took peroxide to it. She knew she had been caught.

I had her move over to the bed so she could sit back against the headboard while I worked on her legs. She didn't want to see them. Her right shin was gouged and had lost a few layers of skin. Down by her ankle there was one spot that had no skin at all, and she couldn't feel it when I touched the area. The friction wounds were fairly dry but they were also filling with fluid and pus under the epidermal layer. The wounds extended from three inches below her knee, and all the way down to the top of her foot. She still had dirt and tiny rocks embedded into her skin. It was severely bruised, and her foot was twice its normal size. Her small toe and the one next two it were broken.

I got a towel out of the bathroom and put it under her legs, pouring peroxide directly on them. It stung and burned so bad she could hardly draw in a breath without crying out. She grabbed a pillow with her good arm and put it up to her face to yell into it, but she didn't actually yell.

"Let me guess. That doesn't hurt, either."

Her wounds bubbled, and I did it again. I dabbed at it with some gauze, trying to remove some of the embedded material. Other than that, there really wasn't anything I could fucking do for them. They were a mess. Carlisle would probably need to re-open and stitch up some of the larger and deeper gashes, and a skin graft probably would have been a great idea too. This experience would leave its scars.

"Alright. That's about all I can do. Once you get out of the shower I'll suture tape some of these. I bought you some clothes and a bottle of shampoo. You think you can manage okay?"

She had already swung her legs over the edge of the bed and was getting up on her own while I picked up her bag clothes. I picked out her bottle of shampoo out of the other bag, and put it on top of her clothes.

"Yeah, I'll..."

She was about to say something else but had stopped short as I handed her the bag. She was looking at it. She looked a little shell-shocked.

Her eyes turned to glass as she up at me and smiled. I wasn't expecting that kind of reaction, but it was nice because she obviously appreciated it. Still, I felt a sense of embarrassment, but it was my own. I had to look away from her for a moment.

"You'll be okay. Hurry up," I told her, grinning and jutting my chin out.

She limp her way into the bathroom. The message indicator went off on my phone so I went over to grab it.

The next three minutes and twenty eight seconds were spent between an episode of Modern Marvels and Rosalie, who was with Emmett and almost in Nampa. If what I had in mind was going to work out, Bella was going to need extra layers and insulation so I texted her the particulars.

The water from the shower was already running, when something bonked in the shower and then bonked again.

Like a head on a wall, and a head slamming into the floor.

"Bella!"

I was sending the door handle to the bathroom through the bathroom wall before I even realized it. I guess the good thing was I only managed to throw the shower curtain aside, as opposed to ripping it off the rings completely.

She was sort of bending over. Naked.

She screamed something along the lines of bloody fucking murder with hands flying as she grabbed the curtain - while hitting the bottle of shampoo that was on the bottom of the shower with her toes - and as I took a step back, trying to look away.

"Jasper! _Jasper,_ what the fuck are you doing?!" Get out! Get _out_!"

"Oh, shit. Aww, _shit_. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I thought...I thought you fell."

She was sopping wet. Her hair a band of silk traveling down her back. She had managed to get the curtain pulled around her pretty quick. Steam rose off the surface of her skin. A water droplet fell off her forehead, stroking a scrape she had endured on her temple, flowing down delicate lines in her cheek; stalling out as it collected another, to fall off the arch of her face, before hitting her hand. Her scent heady and rich, filled the air, along with the pure mortification and alarm in her eyes. Her heart thumped heavily.

And I wanted to be anywhere else but right there in that moment. I was already backing out.

"I didn't. I d..dropped..the shampoo. I'm..out! I'm fine! Get out, Jasper!" Her voice growing thicker as if she were going to cry at any moment.

"Yeah, I'm..getting out. I'm sorry...I'm sorry."

I reached for the door handle and pulled it shut.

Bella was done ten minutes later. She came out blazing red, and it wasn't because she had taken a hot shower. The sweatshirt and pants fit her pretty loose, but she looked comfortable and warm. She had the pants pulled up to her knees, the shower had washed away a significant amount of the debris but surgical debridement would probably be in order. She was moving a little bit better. The shower had done wonders.

I was going to apologize one more time and then I was going to wipe the entire event from memory, because the last thing we needed was something that would make things even more awkward than they already were.

There was no hair dryer in the bathroom, so she had brought a towel with her along with the hairbrush. She was looking at everything else but me as she hobbled towards me by the table.

"Bella, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to...I didn't want you getting hurt anymore thank you already are."

"It's..it's okay. It's fine. It was...let's just forget about it." she paused. Her embarrassment was palpable. "Thanks so much for the clothes. They're warm and very comfortable," she said quietly, smiling at me with gratitude, and ending the discussion on me barging in on her.

I had her sit down while I put some suture strips where her wound had reopened on her arm, and I wrapped it up. Her legs I smothered in triple antibiotic and I wrapped them both in non-stick pads and gauze.

I gave her the remote for the TV and grabbed my duffel off the bed to go shower.

Fresh blood that had seeped from her wounds in the bathroom was masked with the sweet scent of her and her shampoo. I stripped down, and I looked in the mirror to check out the latest addition to the family.

I made it a quick clean up. When I came out, Bella was watching Romeo and Juliet with DiCaprio. Her eyes were liquid; but she was trying to hide the fact that she had been crying. Deep sadness enveloped the room. I said nothing.

I packed all of our stuff into my bag. I took it out to the car, and went back to help Bella finish putting on her socks, and the slippers I bought her, which she loved.

I got her situated in her seat and strapped her in. I waited until we were on our way on the interstate and then I reached back and got her present out of the back. I looked over at her and brought my hand out with her gift. She took it and looked at it. She started to laugh.

"What on earth? Jasper, this is...wonderful. Thank you so much, for everything. I just...it's wonderful. Thank you." She was feeling bittersweet.

I had bought her a stuffed bunny dressed up like a vampire, complete with the cape and the fangs. It was cute. She kept it in her lap and played with the ears.

"You're welcome, but let's talk. I need you to tell me from the beginning what happened with Edward. I've got a plan on how I want to deal with Victoria, and I'm going to tell you, but I've got know what happened. What happened after your birthday?"

She emanated nothing but grief and self-pity. She just looked out of the passenger window.

"After my the party, Edward took me home that night. I knew he was upset with what had happened, and I told him I was sorry and we talked about it a little bit. I was sure that everything was going to be okay, but the next day at school he was...distant. He would hardly talk at all, unless I asked him a direct question. And when I asked him where Alice was, he told me she was with you, and that you had gone," she paused and looked over at me. "You weren't gone?"

I shook my head. "No. Go on.."

She took a deep breath and exhaled. "He wasn't himself at all. He seemed detached. I had to work that night, but he met me at my house after work. He watched TV with Charlie most of the night, and he had never done that before. I took some pictures with my camera that night. Edward even looked distant in those when I got them back..."

She was lost in thought, and then she started to cry, but she made it a point to stop.

"He didn't stay that night. I never asked why. The next day at school was the same. Still distant, wouldn't talk unless spoken to, and I had to work that night, too. I went home and he never called, and he never came over. I decided I had had enough and that we were going to talk the next day. But after school, he asked if he could come over. He even mailed a package for me, too. Pictures for my Mom." Sobs started to rack her chest, and it was physically hurting her. Her left hand flew up to hold her shoulder.

The fingers on her right hand were trembling as she pulled at the ears on the bunny. It took her a minute to collect herself. My throat was starting to close off, and I found myself trying to struggle for unneeded air. The air in the car was thick with anguish and sorrow.

Her voice was very quiet and it was cutting out because she cried, and of the damage she had sustained. "He was already at the house before I got home. I got out of the truck and he asked me to take a walk with him. We walked into the woods, along that little trail beside the house. We didn't go far. We stopped and he said that we were leaving, only he didn't mean _we_, he meant all of you. I told him I would go with him, and he told me your world was _not_ for me."

I could see Bella's face in the reflection of the glass. Her eyes were lifeless and her features were hard.

Her voice was just above a whisper, the grief overpowering her usual tone, but there was bitterness there, too.

"I tried to argue with him. I told him what happened with you was nothing, and he said that I was right, that it was to be expected. Carlisle had told me that Edward believed that he was soulless; that he had no place in the...afterlife. I told Edward he could have my soul. I wanted to be with him. I wanted to change for him. Edward...Edward told me he didn't want me. He...he said I was not good for him."

I immediately saw red, but I dialed back and tried to calm myself down. I knew damn well I was feeling everything she was, but I was also getting angrier by the second as she told me about his behavior. He shunned her. He basically fucking shunned her for my error. _My_ mistake.

My head was hot. It felt hot. It felt like my head had burst into flames. She was still talking.

"He wanted me to promise him that I wouldn't do anything reckless or stupid. So I did. He told me that it would be the last time I would see him. That he wouldn't come back. That I could go on with my life with no interference from him. That...that it would be like he never existed."

Her voice was distant. _As if we never existed? What the actual fuck..._

"He told me not to worry. I'm human. My mind is a sieve. Time heals all wounds for my kind. Then he..."

**%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%**

***B*E*L*L*A***

I heard a snap and looked over. Jasper had snapped the steering wheel in his fist, and slammed on the brakes. I screamed.

**%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%**

***J*A*S*P*E*R***

I snapped the fucking wheel and proceeded to panic by slamming on the breaks.

Bella was belted in, but she was still jerked forward, and she started screaming. I pulled over to the side of the road.

She was completely frightened and horrified, but I didn't give a shit.

"Oh my God, Jasper, What the hell are you doing?!"

Bella took her seat belt off and sat back against the passenger door, looking very afraid. I caught a glimpse why in the rear view mirror.

I wanted to kill him. I wanted to actually kill him. I was fucking pissed.

I leaned towards her not even worried I was frightening her to death. "Keep going. Tell me. Then he _what_?"

Bella was trembling. There was no reigning my ugly side in. He was out in full force and I wasn't about to pull him back. He might as well as snapped her neck and drained her that night than to leave her emotionally devastated and feeling completely unworthy.

"He said goodbye...and he...he left. I...I tried to follow him...I tried..."

I was still looking at her. She was going to shake apart, and the tears were falling freely. She was petrified.

_Goddamn, I didn't mean to do that._

I understood more in that moment, especially when it came to how she had reacted with Victoria. I knew what worthlessness felt like. I knew what it felt like to feel like I had no real value. I knew we had left her just the same, but without words, because we had been stupid. I was going to right that wrong, asap.

There was no way in hell that Bella was going to go on thinking she was never good enough for Edward, and I was damn well going to convince her that it was the other way around. I would not give her choice. I was going to make her believe me. She didn't have a choice.

**AN:**

**Just a quick note for those of you who are new to this story. Circumstances and some events have been changed from the original storyline and that of Midnight Sun. You should see that above especially, and also because I needed moonlight during a New Moon phase, and later, a Peter the rest of the Cullens never met, and because I was all sorts of fucked up when I originally wrote this, and just goin' with whateverthefuck came into my head. You'll also notice some new material while some not needed has been taken out. It's mine, I can do what I want. **

**Additionally, please expect slower updates with this as I'm also working on the last chapters of TOM. Before I decided to start re-posting these stories I hadn't written any fan-fiction for two years so going back and forth editing these stories actually has helps me get back in touch with all these characters from both stories. TOM is completely edited, and I'll be posting another chapter of it today, because I've decided to split up the ending. I'll try and get one more CM out today as well. Thanks again. **


	9. Chapter 9 A Love Lost Part II

Chapter 9. A Love Lost Part II

_I understood more in that moment, especially when it came to how she had reacted with Victoria. I knew what worthlessness felt like. I knew what it felt like to feel like I had no real value. I knew we had left her just the same, but without words, because we had been stupid. I was going to right that wrong, asap. _

_There was no way in hell that Bella was going to go on thinking she was never good enough for Edward, and I was damn well going to convince her that it was the other way around. I would not give her choice. I was going to make her believe me. She didn't have a choice. _

**%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%**

***J*A*S*P*E*R***

I was so fucking pissed off, I couldn't think. I couldn't think of just how I was going to right that wrong. And my mind which could think of multiple things at once and could multitask like a motherfucker had went numb and dumb with those words he had broken her with. He had broken her.

_Why the fuck did he have to do that? Did he honestly think she would be able to live a normal life after hearing that fucked up shit? _

I was fucked up.

The anger inside me was obviously showing up in my face. Bella was watching me and she was a little guarded. She was emanating fear and she was trembling. She had her right arm and hand extended onto the dash of the car, holding her in place.

She was probably hurting her shoulder. The bunny was still in her other arm, and she was holding it to her chest. Her tears were falling, and she was breathing so hard and so fast that I was worried she would start hyperventilating. There would be no way to calm her. My anger was hardly manageable at that point. I didn't want her to be afraid, but I'd rather have her angry, so I sent some of what I was feeling to her.

Her breathing calmed and her facial features changed. It confused her. The tears were still flowing freely, but her eyebrows scrunched up and her mouth went agape.

I was still leaning across the center console. I kept my eyes on Bella's, and I kept my voice low. I tried to speak calmly.

"Listen to me. Listen to me carefully. Don't you dare let yourself suffer from Edward's sick, twisted, fucking idea of love anymore. You've suffered enough, goddammit, and we'll sit here as long as it takes for you to come to your fucking senses."

I was growling. Growling was not good.

Bella did not move. She was frozen. Her eyes were wide. I tried not to growl out at her anymore, but it just wasn't going to happen.

"How did you do it? How could you have stood there and taken that fucked up bullshit? Edward has always loved you. He will always love you. But not as an equal. No, he wouldn't have been able to have loved you like that. Ever since the two of you got together, you've lived _his_ life, _his_ choices, not your own, but..."

She came to life, and I was momentarily taken aback. "You're wrong, Jasper! You are..."

"Bella!" I roared. She quieted immediately. She was killing me - her fear, her despair, and her sadness was like a cyclone, spinning around and around, sucking any sense of well-being out of me.

I closed my eyes and took a breath. I needed to focus. I needed to calm down. I need to slaughter something. I needed to fucking hunt.

Her pain was slowly eating at me, but just as I was searching for something within myself to calm down, I felt some coming from her. I opened my eyes to find hers closed, and she was taking deep breaths. I drew on that.

My voice was quiet and I intended to keep it there.

"You know he loved you. How could you believe him? He never wanted anything but the best for you. But, Edward... Edward has never loved another, and neither have you. He didn't respect you. Sure, as a lady, but not as his equal. Not someone with whom he could make life-altering decisions. Not someone with whom he could share his most intimate thoughts. Not someone with whom he _could_ be intimate. No, that would mean he would have to share a part of himself that he has kept locked up all these years since his birth into immortality. His vulnerability. You deserved the world, and he broke you because he was afraid."

Her tears were falling again, but she had opened her eyes and was looking directly into mine. Listening, and quite a bit calmer.

"When we deny our own vulnerability, we cope by being cruel to others. Vulnerability is a part of who we are. It's what makes us...us. It's what makes a relationship _work_. Your mind has grown. You've become stronger since you've met Edward. Since you've met us. Edward's mind...our minds...don't deal with change very well. He could not endear himself to you wanting more. So, he had to hurt you where it mattered the most. Your self-esteem."

She started to cry. She looked down.

"You know our world was never meant for you, but since Edward decided to bring you into it, your life was forever changed. How dare he suddenly think he could throw you back into the old? To say you're not good for him? It's blasphemy. You have the soul of an angel, Bella. An angel who needs to be revered. An angel who needs to be worshiped. You would have done anything for him, and you would have always protected him. Edward did not deserve _you_. He was right, though. An asshole like him has no fucking soul, not if he has to break you to leave you."

The floodgates were open. She completely broke down involuntarily flinging herself forward, and I caught her and held her. I hoped, not too tightly.

I put my face in her hair and rubbed her back along her spine. She sobbed into my neck. I briefly tensed as her scent enveloped all my senses, and my throat began to burn even more intensely than before, but I was still in my right mind.

After a couple minutes, she pulled away.

I didn't say anything else, right away. Sometimes I talked out of my ass and sometimes I talked too much. I just wanted her not to hurt anymore. I probably had no right to say anything, but I didn't give a fuck.

I glanced around the car for something she could use to blow her nose and wipe her face. I got into my bag and took out a t-shirt, handing it to her. She blew her nose.

Her sinuses were full of mucus. It was fucking gross. There were times I didn't miss being a human.

She was feeling embarrassed and sad as she blew her nose again. She settled in her seat and looked straight ahead at the dash. The part of me that wanted to rip something apart was starting to make its presence known again. I still had some things that needed to be said.

"Edward... Plain and simple, Bella, Edward is a coward. There were a few different ways he could have ended your relationship, but he took the easy way out. He made you feel like a piece of shit just so he could take away your will to fight for him - for the two of you. Like I said, you should have had a choice. He didn't deserve you."

I paused for a moment when I thought of something she had said.

"You said he made you promise not to do anything reckless or stupid, yes?"

She nodded warily.

"Well, if you don't see it, let me point it out to you. That son of bitch had you promise that, but then he left you in the forest. To me that is unforgivable. He knows damn well what dangers are lurking in the forest. He took the cowardly fucking way out and ran like a pussy, not taking any responsibility for your safety."

Bella nodded in acceptance, but she was still looking down. "He once made me promise... promise that I wouldn't go into the woods alone. That there were worse things out there than him."

I was boiling again, but I kept it reigned in. We needed to get going. I looked at the steering wheel. I had only snapped it. I pulled us back onto the interstate. I needed to ask her the question that had been eating at me since she had told her story.

"Yesterday, when you came home and got out of your truck and took your walk with him, did you leave a note before you went? For Charlie?"

I already knew the answer.

"No, I didn't go into the house, at all. Why are you asking that?" She asked, confused.

My jaw would bite through his motherfucking neck, and I would break his legs off so he could never run again.

"Because a note was left saying you had gone for a walk with Edward in the woods. You had supposedly written it."

She looked through the windshield. Anger and realization were floating in the air. "He knew there was a possibility I wouldn't come back out, but he...he would leave me there, anyway."

"Exactly."

I let her stew on that for a minute. She was spent and she needed some rest, but I needed to tell her everything.

"Bella, Charlie found the note. You were declared missing even before Victoria had found you. The authorities have been looking for you and Edward, and the rest of us, too. They're investigating possible foul play. I need you to make a choice. I'm going to protect you no matter what, but I prefer it to be on my terms. I'm taking us away from Forks because I think Charlie would be more at risk if we kept you two together. But I promise you, Renee and Charlie will be guarded. Emmett and Rosalie will stay with us, Carlisle and Esme will go to Florida and stay near your mother, and the dogs are already protecting Charlie. I won't.."

"Jasper, what? Who's watching Charlie?" She was confused.

_Oh, this should be fun._

"The Quileutes, from La Push? They're...werewolves."

She looked at me like I was crazy. "Werewolves?!"

I was a little apprehensive. "Yeah." I swallowed. "I'll tell you about them later, but you need to know that they have your father's best interest at heart. They'll keep him safe."

She was hit with a moment of realization."Okay, but I think I already knew." She grew quiet and whispered, "Jacob?"

"What?"

She glanced at me, and shook her head. "Nothing. It's nothing."

We needed to move on, so I ignored it. It was obviously _something_.

"I'll tell you more about them and us later. I need you to make a decision. I swear, Bella, I'll keep you safe. But it's your decision. We can keep going, or we can head home. But I'm sure you know that if you decide not to go home, what that might entail. We can't have the authorities trying to track us. If word got back to the Volturi..."

"I'll need to call Charlie, and tell him I ran away with Edward," she whispered, almost bitterly. But she felt nothing but dread.

"Yes. But, since you're into self-sacrifice and all, I think you know what would be best for Charlie."

Maybe it was cruel to say, but I actually admired that about her.

She sighed in resignation. "I can't believe I'm here again, but I'll do it. Just give me a little bit to figure out what I should say and to prepare myself. I can't stand lying to him. I want him safe. I don't want to go home. I can't deal with that. I want to stay with you. I trust you. If...if you want me to, that is."

Bella and her fucking self-esteem issues were wearing on my last fucking nerve.

"Bella, don't go there. Not anymore today, please? After we meet Emmett and Rosalie, we're going to head to Nampa, Idaho. I have some friends there. They have a nice house and we'll be comfortable there. Plus, we'll have more experience on our side. I'm still working on the particulars though, so I'll tell you for sure when I know."

The particulars were the rest of the family. They had no idea what I had planned.

She put her head back against the head rest for a second and closed her eyes, but then she raised it again and opened them. She was spent and dead tired, and still thinking about Edward.

"Get some sleep. We still have a long drive ahead of us."

I could see her stare at me for a moment as I kept my eye on the road while I passed a semi. I could feel some residual sadness, but mostly I felt acceptance - for what, I wasn't sure. She just put her seat back and closed her eyes.

I started thinking about calling Emmett to see where they were at, but then I felt an overwhelming sense of curiosity coming from Bella.

"Jasper? Where's Alice?"


	10. Chapter 10 A Future Lost

Chapter 10. A Future Lost

**%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%**

***B*E*L*L*A***

"Get some sleep. We still have a long drive ahead of us."

I looked at him for a moment. The conversation that had just taken place was one that I had not expected. The truth was, all I wanted to do was to just forget everything for the time being, curl up in a bed for hours and hours, and just _stay_ there_._ I kept the bunny in the crook of my elbow and I moved my legs gingerly, trying to settle in as best as I could. I was sore all over. I reclined the seat and I closed my eyes.

Jasper had frightened me to no end. I had never heard him speak with such conviction... such passion... for as long as I'd known him. But that was the thing - I didn't really know Jasper. Edward had always kept his newest brother's past a secret. I knew how nearly everyone else had been changed - a small piece of their histories - with the exception of Jasper and Rosalie. I knew that Rosalie's experience was similar to that event that almost occurred with me that time in Port Angeles, but Edward wouldn't tell me any more than that. Jasper's history, on the other hand, was a complete mystery.

Jasper had been furious after I had told him about Edward, and frankly, he had frightened the hell out of me. It was mostly his eyes. They were a beautiful, soft, butterscotch when he wasn't pissed off, but when they turned midnight black it was hard not to get the feeling that death was waiting for you around the corner. Or a foot away from your face.

He was so much different from earlier when we were back at the hotel. He was so careful then to not frighten me. When he had cleaned my wounds, I was in pain, and he would wince with me every time I would feel the sting of the peroxide. But he was careful, gentle, and so full of apology when he had burst in on me in the shower when I dropped the shampoo.

While he was in the shower, my mind wandered to why he couldn't keep control the night of my birthday. But I would not blame him. The one thing I knew was that he fought his blood lust on a constant basis. But something... something had changed.

I knew that he would want to know about what happened with Edward. I didn't want to have to tell that story, but I knew he was going to ask me. Whatever his plan was, it was obvious that it wouldn't include Edward. Edward was gone, and I assumed - based on his conversations with Emmett - that they didn't even know _where_ he had gone.

God, I hated telling that story. To have to revisit all the things that Edward had said to me in the forest had broken my heart all over again. I never wanted to even think of it again. I felt like I died when he told me I was no good for him.

Jasper's revelations about Edward...well, I just lost it. I was in shock that he would even talk about his brother that way. Edward had always treated me with respect. Always. Edward never made me do anything I didn't want to do...well, except for prom. Edward had said that he didn't want me to center myself around him and that I needed go through the normal experiences that teenagers had. But going to a mall or hanging with Jessica Stanley just wasn't my thing. I had loved him more than anything. He never could understand why I just wanted to be with him. He was all I needed.

Jasper had hit on a sensitive subject when he started talking about equality and our intimate relationship. I couldn't even believe he went there. That was a very private matter, and I was glad he didn't dissect _that_. But what he said made sense. Edward has been alive for years. Edward always ended any of my advances towards him in my efforts to expand our intimate relationship.

It always made me feel unattractive and unwanted, even after he would tell me I was 'tempting him'...or 'I wish we could, but it isn't possible'. I was constantly reminded that he could lose control and kill me. He had never even wanted to try. I did understand, but still. I always felt rejected when I would cross the line and he would pull away.

Jasper had said that Edward loved me and that he would _always_ love me. But to say that he was a coward, though, was harsh. Edward had never been a coward. Edward had admitted his weakness for me - for my blood - time and time again. So, I didn't agree with this. But I wasn't about to tell Jasper that. He was entitled to his opinion. And the truth was, I didn't have the energy or the will to argue.

But he was right. So right. Edward never would have made me his equal. All the times we discussed - or more so, _I_ discussed - the issue of changing me, he would not even consider it, even if it would have meant spending forever with him. I would live my life. That was the way it was supposed to be. This was why I finally accepted that Edward's love had not been strong enough. If his love had been strong enough, he would have wanted to keep me with him forever.

So it was over. Edward and I were over. I just had to accept it. And I would. It would take time, but I would. A part of me would always love him and I would never forget him. I knew I might never move on, or love someone the way I loved him, but I would accept that it was over, and I would try.

I lost all control of my faculties when I realized this. Jasper had helped me realize it. And I was pretty sure that I had startled Jasper when I flung myself at him. But he caught me and he held me tightly. I knew he was probably uncomfortable - I probably smelled really good, but he didn't let go. He didn't push me away.

I was grateful for that. He had saved my life twice in the last twenty four hours. How did I repay that? I couldn't even begin to imagine.

So, what was done was done. I had bigger problems to worry about anyways. There was a psychotic bitch after me who wanted to avenge her mate. I was on the run, and I didn't know how my father - who was being watched by the neighborhood werewolves - was taking my disappearance. Or my mother. And I had to figure out how I was going to lie to my father and tell him I had ran away with Edward.

I hoped he was enjoying his distractions, because mine were trying to kill me.

I started thinking about where we were going. Nampa, Idaho. Jasper had said he had friends there. I almost asked him if they were vegetarians, but I had the distinct feeling that they weren't. With this also came the realization that I would be seeing the rest of the Cullens. I wasn't entirely sure how I felt about that. They had left Forks and hadn't even said goodbye. Even Jasper had been leaving. If he hadn't stopped for gas, I would have been killed. Still, though, I wanted to see them.

That's when it hit me. Someone was missing. I opened my eyes and looked at Jasper, who looked like he was deep in thought.

"Jasper, where's Alice?"

Jasper tensed and immediately started gripping the wheel tightly. And for a second I was sure he was going to snap it again. I sat my chair up and looked into his face, but he kept staring straight ahead.

I kept staring and he turned his head to me a fraction, and I met his eyes.

All I saw was desolation. He shifted his eyes away from mine, and I started to panic. Where the hell was she? And then I felt it. I felt an overwhelming sense of dread. Sadness. Loss. Extreme loss.

My eyes widened, and I finally found my voice. "Jasper, _where_ the hell is Alice?"

Jasper's head snapped over and finally fully met my eyes. I do believe I would have liked to have seen him angry instead.

Jasper sighed and looked straight ahead again, but he slowed down and started pulling the car off to the side of the road. When we stopped, he turned his head away and stared out the driver's side window. His right hand was on his lap, and he was rubbing his fingers down the palm of his hand, over and over. He let out a long sigh.

"Alice is gone. She left three days ago, right after your birthday. She had a vision taking her away from the family to find the life that she lost so long ago. That's what she said, anyways. She needed to go find her destiny, so that's where she went. She's gone." Jasper turned his head and looked out the windshield. His lips were in a tight line and his face was frozen.

I just stared at him. What was he saying? She was gone? _Gone where? What the hell?_ I knew I needed to stay calm, and I knew this wasn't going to be good. I had figured that much out.

"I don't quite understand. When is she coming back?"

Jasper sighed and closed his eyes for a second or two, and then opened them up and looked back out the driver's side window.

"She isn't coming back. After your birthday party, she told me she was leaving. She was upset because she hadn't had a vision since you were attacked by James. She believed that she was no longer destined to be with me, so...she's seeking her destiny... and the life that was lost to her. She had a vision that night, right after I tried to kill you."

Jasper glanced over at me. I couldn't talk. I knew I had to be giving him a horrified and confused look because that's exactly how I felt.

Jasper turned his head and looked back out his window.

"She wouldn't go into specifics about the vision she had, or where she was going. Alice has always relied on her visions. Her gift has been with her ever since she woke up as a vampire. You know she didn't remember anything from her human life. You know she woke up alone. She's always felt like a part of her was lost, and maybe it was. Well, she had that vision and she's had to follow it. She needed to do it for herself."

I couldn't believe it.

"So, you're telling me that Alice left because she told you that she had a vision that saw her seeking out a new life for herself? Is that what you're saying? She left the family, and...she left you? Is that what you're saying?"

Jasper must have heard the horror in my voice because he looked at me with caution before answering.

"Yes."

_No...No...No._ This was not happening. Vampires didn't split up! They mated, and they mated for life. _How could she!? How could she leave him?_

He needed her. I couldn't help but wonder if it was because of what happened at the birthday party. I was appalled. I was...angry.

"Jasper, I am so sorry. So, so sorry. But that has to be the biggest load of crap I've ever heard. She left the family...left _you_...because she couldn't see the future anymore?! Not only is that a lie, but that's the most pathetic excuse she could have given you. You don't leave someone because you can't actually _see_ your future anymore. I understand that she has always had her visions to guide her, and that she relied on them more than anything when she knew nothing. But you don't leave your family, and you don't abandon your husband to go find a new destiny because a vision told you to. That...that's just wrong."

Jasper had looked over at me before I had even started talking - well, half yelling. I was angry. I was so damn mad. How could she do that to him? How long had they been together? Fifty, sixty years?

Jasper gave me a reproachful look, but he had a slight grin on his face, no doubt feeling everything I was putting out.

"Christ, Bella. How come you can get fired up about my wife leaving me for a bullshit reason, but you couldn't fire yourself up to tell Edward to grow the fuck up and grow a set?"

I was pissed.

"Jasper, watch your mouth. And quit swearing so much. And _don't _change the subject. The two of you have been together for a very long time. Aren't you supposed to be together forever? Are you not upset that your wife has left you because she literally couldn't see a future with you anymore?"

Jasper's face winced when I said that, and he looked out the window again.

I groaned. "Jasper, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it to sound so bad. It's just... Listen, Alice's visions are not set in stone. They're subjective. How could she choose an unknown future, and not choose you? I'm sorry, but I just can't wrap my head around that. Did you fight for her, Jasper?"

Jasper looked over at me and gave me a proud smile, but it was pained.

"Bella, there isn't a thing you've said that I didn't think or say to her. I've lived with Alice all this time and I know how much she relies on her visions. I asked her if she would have wanted one constant thing, wouldn't she have wanted it to be me? She chose. There's nothing I can do. I cannot compete with the unknown and that is exactly what I would be doing."

He took a deep breath and looked out the window. "I'm a fighter, Bella. I always have been. And I _do_ fight the fights that need to be fought. But I also know Alice. She has supported me through the most difficult times. She showed me a way to exist without taking human life, and she brought me to our family. A long time ago, I never would have thought I could have that."

He looked at me softly.

"From where I came from, it just wasn't possible. I owe her everything. I will always love her. She wanted me to release her, to let her go, and I love her too much to cause her unnecessary pain. So I let her go. Believe me, I didn't want to. But she already resented me. I think partly because I tried to kill her best friend that night. You know firsthand now what I'm capable of, but Alice has known for years. It's not just been a struggle for me. It's been a struggle for her, too."

I listened to the facts, but I still couldn't understand it. We were silent for what seemed like forever. No matter what anyone said, that one little, careless mistake - that _damn_ paper cut - changed the courses of our lives forever.

Jasper was still looking in my eyes. I was trying to keep the tears at bay, but they were going to fall. The bunny was locked into my elbow, and Jasper reached over and tugged the ears. His face turned a little hard and he pegged me with a look.

"You can stop that shit right now. You will not blame yourself for this. This is all on me. So you erase whatever you thought from that pretty little head of yours."

"I can't help it. If I had only just been more careful," I started to cry.

"Don't piss me off, Bella."

I acquiesced. I could have probably argued with him about this until I was blue in the face and he was looking like death around the corner. His index finger brushed a tear away that had fallen, and I looked up. His eyes were warm.

"Tell me something... What do you mean 'Alice lied'? What do you mean by that?"

I wanted to back up for this, but there was no where to go. His wife had lied to him, and I was damn well going to tell him the truth.

"Alice didn't stop having visions, Jasper. I know that for a fact. She had plenty of visions of Edward and me over the summer. She even knew what my presents were for my birthday. She even told me what kind of grade I would get on my English essay, which is due a week from now."

I watched his face. He was still looking at me, but he was far away. I could only describe it as desolation. He turned back to the front, and looked out the windshield, while slowly shaking his head.

"Why would she have lied? Why didn't I know she was lying? I would have let her go without it."

He looked over at me. The pained look was not gone. How did I answer that? I had no idea. There was nothing I could say that would take what he lost away. I said the only thing I could think of.

"I don't know. I am so sorry." I paused and looked down, and I noticed I was holding the bunny tightly to my chest. I held it out to him. "Would you like to borrow my bunny?"

Jasper chortled somewhat, raising his eyebrows in a quick flash, and grinned.

"That wouldn't be a great idea. I'd probably kill it."

I smiled at him, and his features softened. He started the car again and pulled back onto the interstate.

"Get some sleep, Bella. No more talking. We're never gonna get there."

I sighed and put the chair back, and I watched Jasper for a little bit. He was deep in thought, and he looked a little pissed.

_Alice, what the hell have you done?_


	11. Chapter 11 Arrival

Chapter 11. Arrival

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***J*A*S*P*E*R***

When Bella had asked me where Alice was, I wanted to bury myself in a hole. A deep fucking hole where pretty, little human girls didn't rightfully question your own love and fight for your supposed partner through life in the immortal coil.

I was kidding myself by thinking she would have never questioned it. Of course she would have wanted to know where her best friend was. But at the same time, I wasn't really dwelling on thoughts of Alice, because I had been...distracted. Distracted by a psychotic bitch and the very thing I had thought to kill at one point because I had put the blame on her for my own failed relationship. How the tables had turned.

But when she asked, I prepared myself for the tears that would arrive when I told her that Alice was gone. What I did not prepare myself for was the scorned and pissed off woman who sat beside me.

I felt it. I felt all her anger, her confusion, and just how horrified and appalled she was. What surprised me, though, was when I realized she wasn't angry because of the loss of her friend. All of it was directed towards Alice because she had abandoned me. It almost left me speechless. Almost.

I knew that all that anger, all that fury, was finally coming out in response to my proclamations about Edward to her. It wasn't just for my sake that she was finally blowing a gasket. She was accepting that Edward was gone and their relationship was over. That one event, that birthday party, had changed the course of both of our lives. Hopefully for the better.

It took a lot out of me to hold it at bay, and not absorb it into myself. The last thing I needed was to lose my temper. All the negative emotions of anger and hostility were swirling about the car, and I absorbed them all. But, not just anger, she was disgusted with Alice.

I had started to get a little angry, myself, when she asked me if I fought for Alice. She had been very blunt. But I had to appreciate it. Bullshitting around always left me aggravated.

I didn't fight for Alice. I let her go. Only because I believed it would not have swayed her decision to leave. But, I was a fighter, and it left me wondering why I gave up so easily. I realized that just maybe, maybe my love for her wasn't strong enough.

The thought shook me, and it left me staggered.

Of course, being the asshole that I was, I had to go and compare her anger on my issues to the lack of anger in the demise of her and Edward's relationship. Then, that anger was directed towards _me_. I didn't want any part of that shit. Alice and Edward could have _that_ shit. And she told me to watch my mouth. I almost made a crucial mistake by reminding her of that beautiful proclamation - "_Go fuck yourself, Victoria."_ - that she herself had uttered.

I wasn't a dumbass when it came to women, I would be the first to admit I was a pussy. Reminding her of that would have put me right in the middle of a shit storm I wanted nothing to do with.

I had a very improper thought as she had chastised me for my use of words: Bella was beautiful, but even more so when she was angry. She had dark eyes that could pin you into submission, and high cheek bones stood out beneath pale skin; that was flushed because her blood pressure had risen. Her hair a blanket of brown silk, and the light from outside emphasized the scatters of red in the palette. Her bottom lip was still a little fat. Her mouth slightly opened as she breathed. For an instant, her beauty enthralled me. I saw myself taking my hands and grasping her upper arms, pulling her forward and inhaling her sweet breath, and taking that lip with my teeth and biting it. But, not hard.

I took that thought and put it where I put everything wicked. It was not welcome.

When I told Bella the reasons why I let Alice go, she had become guilt-ridden. That had pissed me off. How in the hell could she have thought that it was her fault? All she did was open a goddamn present. There was no way would she take the fault away from me. It was all mine, and I didn't like to share.

Bella had told me that Alice lied, and that she was still having visions. I didn't even need to read Bella's emotions for the truth. It left me distressed. It made me think back to when Alice had told me she was leaving. I never questioned her. I hadn't bothered reading her emotions to look for a lie. And that pissed me off.

Why did she have to lie? The only thing I could come up with was she believed she would have something better, where she wouldn't have to worry about her a mate slaughtering innocent bystanders. A better life. And that _was_ why she left, she had just said so in so many words. She did deserve it, I would give her that.

She just didn't want to exist with the son of bitch that was Jasper Whitlock any longer.

_Quit feeling sorry for yourself. __You always knew that happiness for you was too good to be true. Isn't that right? _

I knew I would get nowhere thinking about it, so I thought about Edward instead.

He was fucked in the head. I knew the son of a bitch didn't believe he had a soul, which was the reason he would not turn Bella, because he didn't want to damn her. But that son of a bitch never figured out that if he had no soul and if he did die one day, he wouldn't have fucking cared because he wouldn't have been able to fucking _think_ or _feel_. There would just be nothing. There would be no sadness and there would be no pain. There would be nothing.

I didn't believe it. I believed in Heaven and Hell and the afterlife. And I believed I was damned because there was a purpose for me on Earth. But while I might have deserved Hell, I had always secretly hoped that God would give me some credit for trying, if I ever truly died.

Why did he have to fucking break her like that? It pissed me off to no end. Edward and his fucking self-righteousness.

_Those pussies that came out of the Victorian Era needed their fucking heads adjusted._

I was dead set on pulling his fucking legs off for running away from her like a little pussy. Edward was going to pay the price for his disregard of her feelings and her safety.

I tried to keep my chaotic thoughts about Edward or Alice at bay, and I thought about how I was going to handle the Victoria situation.

Peter had agreed to help. And if all went well when I told the family about him and Charlotte, then he already knew who would be showing up the following day. But of course, it hadn't surprised him one bit, nor did the history behind it. Peter and I had a comradeship that had developed into one of lasting friendship while we were in Maria's army, and I was ashamed because we really didn't see each other as often as I would have liked.

But Peter's specialty in Maria's army had been reconnaissance, because he had a knack for it.

And a gift for it. Peter didn't have a scent. A birth defect he suffered from when he had been human carried over and became something else when he was changed. With no scent, he could go anywhere, undetected if he moved correctly. But Peter had another gift, I just didn't quite know what it was. The fucker just _knew_ shit. It was a power of perception, but the truth was I really didn't know what the fuck it was. Peter was Peter.

I wasn't entirely too sure how the family would react to what I had planned, so it was best to have the discussion before we went up to Peter and Charlotte's the following day. I expected that the biggest argument would come from Carlisle. I knew would have to choose my words and actions carefully for things to work out.

Bella had a hard time sleeping during the last three hundred and fifty miles of the drive. She had constantly tried to toss and turn in the seat. Most of the time She had a screwed-up look on her face and cried softly. At one point her head began to twitch, and her neck was at a funny angle to begin with. Her heart rate picked up and at some point I realized she was dreaming, and having a nightmare.

I put my hand on her arm and sent her a large wave of calm and lethargy. She quit moving and her normal heart rate returned.

My gift was a blessing, and sometimes it was a curse. Where I could give others peace, sometimes I couldn't give myself peace of mind. I could just absorb others' feelings of peace and contentment when I couldn't create my own. Sometimes it made a great substitute for the real thing, but not always.

I sympathized with her. I had always been glad that one of the curses of the immortal life was the inability to sleep. To sleep would mean to dream; and in dreams, nightmares are born.

I had lived the nightmare. I even _was_ the nightmare.

She deserved a dreamless sleep.

When we crossed over the border of Oregon, I was getting ready to call and see where I was supposed to meet Carlisle, Emmett, and Rosalie when my phone rang. It was Carlisle.

I flipped it open. "I was just getting ready to call you. We just made it into Oregon."

It was silent for a moment before he spoke, and when he did, he was forlorn, and upset.

" _I have some news, Jasper. We need to talk privately." _

"She's sleeping. What is it?"

"_I've been keeping in touch with Billy Black. He's a friend of Charlie's, and Bella knows his son, Jacob. I called to see if Charlie or the authorities involved have had any luck in locating any information pertaining to us, and if they had come across anymore vampires. They found a body, Jasper. A girl; four miles north of Forks in a tributary off the river. The girl_.._what's left of her, fits Bella's description to a T. Her body was severely maimed and her face was unrecognizable. They think an animal did it. Her injuries coincide with an animal attack, but the wolves know better. The state authorities took her in for autopsy and identification of remains. Jasper, they told Charlie what was found and to expect the worse. Charlie...Charlie had a heart attack, Jasper. He died."_

"_Jasper?"_

"I'm here."

"_Jasper, Renee and Phil are already on their way to Forks. Billy Black is having them picked up at the airport. I told him of our plan for Esme and I to watch them while they were in Florida. Billy volunteered to have them cared for. They'll protect them while they're in Forks. I called Esme. She was getting ready to take her connecting flight out of Nashville. I had her cancel it, and she's taking a flight to Boise later. She'll be here later tonight."_

"I'm going to tell her. I can't sit on this, Carlisle. She won't be making any phone calls now."

"_Jasper, what about Renee? Charlie is gone, and she thinks her daughter is, too. Or, if they identify the body quick enough, she'll still be missing."_ Carlisle's tone was stressed.

I couldn't argue about it. There was no fucking way she was going to be calling Renee to lie and say she ran away with her boyfriend. What the fuck was he thinking?

Our tracks were covered, and I was going to make sure they were There was no way in hell I was I even going to ask for such a fucked-up thing, and neither was anyone else. I would have been putting her through hell soon enough. I tried to stay calm, but I failed miserably.

"Carlisle, there's no fucking way I'm going to let her make that call, do you understand? And there's no way in hell you're going to ask her, either."

"_Jasper, do _not_ speak to me that way. Of course, I won't ask her to do that. Not now. But, Bella wouldn't want her mother to think that her daughter could be dead with a father that just passed away with the thought. It's going to tear Bella apart, Jasper, but we need to find a way to let Renee know that her daughter is alive and safe. This is hard, for all of us. But, for Bella? Her life will never be the same again."_

"I'm sorry, Carlisle, I just...I don't know what we should do."

Bella was starting to stir.

"_We'll figure it out later. There's still time. I'm going to order her some tranquilizers, and maybe a mild anti-depressant. I'll go pick them up as soon as possible. How much longer until you think you'll arrive?"_

"I don't know. I'll be there as soon as I can. I'll bring her soon."

I was drowning in dread, and sinking to the bottom of a pit.

"_We'll see you soon, then. Take care of her."_ Carlisle hung up.

I couldn't put this off. We were just getting ready to pass a scenic overview that was just off the interstate. I exited off the interstate and parked the car.

She hadn't woken. She was sleeping peacefully. I pushed some hair that had fallen forward in her face, and I ran my fingers through it, pulling it back.

I didn't want to do this, but I had to. I was supposed to protect her, not break her. All my dread, all my grief, and all my fury had built up to the point of ruination. But I had to remain calm, for her.

"Bella, wake up." I gently prodded.

She opened her eyes and blinked a few times. She stretched and grimaced; and after a few seconds, she sat herself up. She winced from being sore and stiff.

She looked out the window. "Wow, it's really beautiful here. Where are we? How long...have I been asleep?" She yawned out.

I shifted in my seat, and looked out my window. "We're in Idaho. I figured you might need to use the restroom and get up and stretch for a bit. We're almost there." I looked over at her.

There was no doubt she could see the blank look on my face because that was what I was trying to show, but she looked a little worried all the same.

_Hold it together, Jasper._

"Okay, yeah. I do need to go." She started to open the door.

"Wait a second, Bella. Don't stand by yourself." I got out of the car, and went and helped her out. She was managing pretty well on her own, though. I walked her up to the door and she went in.

I saw a table by the ledge of the mountain that we were on, looking down into the valley onto the river below.

I waited by the door until she came out. She looked at me inquisitively and smiled a bit, because I took her hand, and I walked over towards the table. I turned to face her.

"Jasper, what's wrong? What's the matter?" Her voice was stressed, and she was starting to panic.

My face, fuck it all, could never hold anything back. Dread was all I was feeling, and there was no doubt it was showing up on my face.

"Bella, there is no easy way to do this. I'll give you whatever you need. I'll help you, if you want it. Just tell me what you need."

She swallowed hard. Her eyes were starting to swim. "What is it? What's happened?" She whispered.

_Goddamn, someone will pay_.

"Bella, they found a body north of Forks. She looked like you. They think an animal killed her. They took the body in for identification, but they think it's you. Charlie thought it was you."

"Oh God, Jasper! I have to call him! I have to call him now!" she yelled, frantically. She started looking around like mad. I grabbed her by her arms and held her still.

"Bella, it's too late. They told him it was most likely you, and that was it. He couldn't take it. He had a heart attack, Bella... He died. I'm so sorry."

I caught her when her knees buckled.


	12. Chapter 12 Fourteen Hours Part I

Chapter 12. Fourteen Hours Part I

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***J*A*S*P*E*R***

Fourteen hours. A lot can happen in that short amount of time. Bella's entire life changed in less. She lost the love of her life. She thought she had lost the family to go with that love. She was attacked and kidnapped by a revenge-seeking, psychotic bitch vampire and her friends. She was torn away from the place she called home. Her beloved father had died.

And Bella Swan, who had resided in Forks, Washington, and who had just recently celebrated her eighteenth birthday, died, too.

Bella had collapsed. Her legs gave out and so did the rationality and the sanity she was already desperately clinging to. Too much had happened already with Edward and Victoria, so she was psychologically obliterated when I told her Charlie died.

It would always be with her. She would always in some way feel responsible for causing his death. It wouldn't matter how many times anyone told her it wasn't her fault, she would still feel like it was. She lost her father. She broke in two.

When the anger hit, her body flailed around uncontrollably and violently, and it was hard not to hurt her trying to keep her still. Her cries and the loss she felt was the most awful level of emotional conflict and pain I had ever felt from her. The level of grief that she emitted was almost unbearable.

We sat on the ground by that table, and I rocked her back and forth and she held on to me for dear life. She had screamed so much, she managed to burst a blood vessel in her left eye. I had to call Carlisle, who came to get us.

Carlisle showed up with Emmett and Rosalie in the Mercedes. We tried to get Bella to swallow some Valium with some water, and after three attempts to coax her into it, she finally took it.

It didn't help much. The emotional pain coming from her nearly kept me paralyzed to her on that ground. Rosalie could see what it was doing to me and tried to get me to untangle from her so she could take her herself, but I couldn't let her go. I wouldn't let her go.

Emmett and Carlisle eventually helped me up, and I was able to carry her to the Mercedes. Emmett drove the Vanquish back to the hotel, and Rosalie sat in the back with me while we tried to get her to calm down.

I wasn't a son of a bitch to use my gift to just temporarily put off the inevitable. She need to feel it. She needed to break. She needed me to just not even fucking attempt to take it all away. She just needed someone to hold on to her. She just needed someone to be there. It was the only way she could she begin to heal.

I put her into one of the bedrooms of the suite that Carlisle had checked us into. Bella was already exhausted, physically and emotionally, without having the knowledge that her father was dead. I sat up against the headboard of the bed and held her in my arms.

Rosalie took her slippers and socks off, and sat at the end of the bed, watching, with sorrow in her eyes and her heart, but also afflicted and pissed off. She was going to go nuclear when I told her about Edward.

After about an hour, Bella's cries turned to moans, and she finally succumbed to the exhaustion she was feeling. She went to sleep with what seemed like pain permanently etched on her face.

Rosalie made Emmett and I leave the room. Carlisle was going to give her an anesthetic so they could work on her legs.

Emmett didn't even know what to say. His emotions were ranging from shock to anger, one never outweighing the other, but they mixed with intense sadness. We sat in silence most of the time.

We were sitting in the small family area off of the bedroom that Bella was in when Rosalie came out forty two minutes and sixteen seconds later. They were done and I went back in. The others followed.

Rosalie had changed her into some pajamas. She was still looked pained, and haunted, and I just wanted to kill something, anything, or anyone for that matter. It was a look that did not belong on her face, and I would do anything to take it off.

I crawled up on the bed next to her and put my back against the headboard. I ran my fingers through her hair. The look would not leave her face.

Carlisle, Emmett, and Rosalie all sat down on the bed. That was the beginning of the end of Bella Swan's life.

"What's going to happen to her now? Even if we killed Victoria today, how could she ever go home? She can't go home and tell her mom and everyone else 'Oh, I ran away with Eddie, but now I'm back.' Her mother would never forgive her and she'd be crucified by the citizens of Forks. Look at her, she's broken," Emmett said, remorsefully.

We just sat there. No one had a clue how to answer that. I didn't. I was emotionally drained and overloaded at the same time.

I thought about the birthday party. The chain of events that had occurred since that night had me drowning in guilt. She said she couldn't blame me before, but how could she not blame me after her father died?

Emmett must have sensed my distress because he hit my leg and gave me the _'Keep it up, and I'll kick your ass'_ look. I really must have been putting it out there because when I looked at Rosalie and Carlisle, they were mirroring Emmett. I sighed and closed my eyes.

After a bit, Carlisle and Emmett went out into the small living area adjacent to the bedroom. Rosalie was laying on the bed down at the end, pulling at loose strings in the blanket. Deep in thought.

From the moment she had laid down her free hand had rested on Bella's lower leg. It never moved.

Rosalie might have been a callous bitch to Bella before, but I had a feeling that it wouldn't be that way anymore. Rosalie's emotions had been ranging from sadness and pity, to tenderness, and anger. She could relate to losing so much in such a short amount of time.

Emmett came back into the room and pegged me with a look. "Let's go hunt. You need to feed."

"No, not right now. I'll hunt later."

His eyes narrowed, and he was going to give me argument, but he thought better of it, and he turned around and left.

I wasn't ready to leave her right then. The truth was, I didn't want to leave her, at all. All her pain was open for the world to see, I just wanted to protect her from it. I wanted to be there to help her with her pain if she woke up. I wanted to tell her it would be alright. I just didn't know anymore. It was all my fault. Everything was falling...

"Christ, Jasper, would you fucking knock it off? This isn't your fault, and its not hers, either. This was fate and it just happened. You didn't cause this." She paused, and looked at Bella's face. She was remorseful.

"Bella needs us. All of us. Even me. Both of us had been against her and Edward's relationship at the beginning, but she grew on you and look at you now."

Rosalie's voice was a little too loud, Bella let out a soft moan.

"Look at you," I told her. I knew what she was feeling.

Carlisle left a few minutes later to go pick up Esme from the airport in Boise. And a few minutes after that, Emmett left without a word. Even Rosalie wasn't sure where he had gone.

In back of the hotel was an outlet to a conservation area that held mostly large amounts of waterfowl, small game, and deer. We were on the second floor of the hotel and there was a balcony that faced the outlet. Ten minutes later, Emmett showed up at the door to the bedroom holding a small buck. Its front hooves and head locked in one of Emmett's big arms, and his back legs in the other. The creature was flailing around all over the place.

"Jasper, step out here." Emmett ordered.

I got up from Bella's side and stepped out of the room, shutting the door behind me. Emmett still kept his grasp on the back legs for me. I took him by the antlers and twisted hard, snapping his neck. I ripped the skin and fur away from his jugular vein, and I sank my teeth into him. I drank from him quickly, the tangy warmth soothed the burn as it went down my throat. Emmett darted out the balcony to go bury my snack when I finished.

I knew they were worried because I hadn't fed, and maybe I should have been diligent for them, even though there had been a change.

I went to the bathroom to clean my face before I went back into the bedroom. Rosalie had moved to sit beside her and was pushing Bella's hair away from her face. She was still lying in the same spot, but she had shifted a little. She was lying on her side and her legs were sprawled out under a blanket. Her left arm was bent at the elbow, her face resting on her fist. Her eyes were twitching. I took my spot next to her again, sending her relaxing waves. Rosalie smiled at me before she got up and left the room.

Three hours later, Carlisle and Esme had still not returned. Boise wasn't that far away, and with the way Carlisle drove, he should have been back within the hour. Emmett was getting ready to call when we heard the Mercedes pull into the hotel parking lot.

When I heard them come into to the suite, the emotions they both were emitting were confusing. Esme was putting out a large amount of sadness and grief, but she had an aura of bittersweet happiness around her. When she came into the room, she was even smiling somewhat, although it was full of pain. She started to cry when she came in and saw Bella in the bed.

Something had happened, because when Carlisle came in the room, he was feeling apprehensive and constrained. My thoughts went into immediate overdrive.

Esme had sat down on the edge of the bed, looking at Bella with hope in her face, and in her feelings. Carlisle came over and stood at the foot of the bed, and Emmett stood beside him. Rosalie sat beside me.

Carlisle looked at all of us with feelings of frustration.

"There's been a development. Billy Black called me while I was on my way to pick up Esme," he said, almost whispering. He took in a deep breath.

"When they found that body, the state police automatically assumed it had to be an animal attack. The nearest facility was the morgue at Forks Community Hospital, so they took the body there. The pathologist at the hospital took X-rays of the body for identification purposes. The girl's face had been torn away from the skull, her mandible completely gone. And she was almost completely gutted out. There really wasn't a whole lot left of her."

Carlisle shook his head in confusion.

"Phil and Renee are already in Forks. Renee insisted and demanded that she see the remains. They had told her that the girl's face had been chewed away, as well as part of her torso, and flesh was missing from the limbs. She still insisted on seeing her. Evidently, she had said she would know her daughter no matter what, and she had to know."

Carlisle was bewildered. Horrified. Confused. He was fucking killing me.

"Understand this. They already had Bella's medical records from Forks and from the hospital in Phoenix. They had the history of the types of injuries that Bella had sustained in the past..." Carlisle paused.

He took a breath and continued. "They agreed to Renee's request to see the body. When that happened, Renee's reaction was taken as a confirmation. One of them. The next was from the x-ray results. The body...the skull...had several healed hairline fractures that even coincided with previous injuries Bella had sustained. Her right fibula had been broken. That was all the confirmation that they needed."

Carlisle looked at each of us. Everyone was shocked into silence. Of course, we all knew what this meant, but Carlisle felt the need to inform us anyway.

"Isabella Swan, daughter of Renee Dwyer and Charles Swan, may he rest in peace, is dead," Carlisle said, with an informing tone, and then he shook his head in disbelief.

"What the fuck? How could they? No blood checks, no DNA comparison, no dental records? They're going to automatically assume from just some stupid x-rays and Bella's fucking nut of a mother that the body is hers?" Rosalie said just a little too fucking loud.

"Watch it, Rosalie. Renee might be a little eccentric, but she was traumatized by the loss of her ex-husband and the possible loss of her daughter; she probably believed it was Bella even before she looked at those remains," Esme scolded.

Carlisle informed us all. "You need to remember, they believe this was definitely an animal attack. With Bella's medical records and the healed injuries that were picked up on the x-rays, along with Renee's confirmation, they are not about to embark on unnecessary tests. Forks is not a vital community. No unnecessary spending at that hospital, I can assure you. And since the body was found in the vicinity of Forks, and no other missing persons were reported in the area, they think it's Bella. It's been confirmed to the press already."

"Holy shit. Bella's dead," Emmett said, shocked.

Rosalie was pissed. "No, she's not, you idiot. She's right here."

"I _know_, Rosalie. But listen...doesn't anyone else think it's a little too much of a coincidence that a girl fitting Bella's description was found near Forks, conveniently missing her face and a few other things, with the same old injuries as Bella's? Something's not right. I think Victoria did this. It has to be. Even Carlisle said the pack's leader said that a vampire was responsible."

Carlisle crossed his arms over his chest while he paced back and forth.

"Emmett's right. But the scent they picked up was new. It didn't belong to any of the vampires they tracked last night. But, why would she or anyone else of our kind tear a body up like that? Is she trying to make everyone think Bella is dead? And for what purpose?"

I was stumped. Why would that bitch want everyone to think Bella was dead? Why would she even care what they thought? The only thing I could think of was she was trying to draw her out, planning some way to get to Charlie and Renee.

Carlisle was looking at me, waiting for my response. I gave it to him.

"Maybe she was planning on a way to get to Charlie or Renee. Just like James did. So she could draw Bella out of hiding. But, it's not going to work this time. Charlie's dead, and Renee..Well, I won't let Bella sacrifice herself. If it comes between her and her mother, I'll lock her up and Victoria can have Renee. But, Carlisle, you better let Billy and the wolves know. Have them be prepared for anything."

Esme was appalled.

"Jasper, how could you say that? Let Victoria have Renee? Why would you even think, let alone say something like that?"

"Esme, if I could protect her, too, don't think I wouldn't. I won't leave Bella, and we don't know what Victoria is planning. Charlie would want his daughter protected, and I'm damn well gonna do it. For him." I pleaded for her to understand my fucked-up way of thinking.

She was getting ready to respond again when Carlisle interjected. "Alright now, let's knock it off with the 'what if's and the sacrifices. We're getting off track. I'll call Billy soon and tell him what we we're thinking. Hopefully, they'll take the precautions necessary. When Phil and Renee leave Forks, we'll most likely need to take over watching them. Hopefully, they will stay in Forks for a little while. I don't like the idea of this family separated right now."

All of a sudden, Carlisle started feeling an extreme amount of nervousness. I jerked my head up and looked at him quizzically. He looked away and looked at Esme.

"We have a more important issue to discuss. I need you all to know that while your opinions will be heard, Esme and I have already come to a decision. So please, just hear us out."

Carlisle gave her a meaningful look and an encouraging grin.

Esme smiled at him, she felt determined. "You're all my children, you know that. I lost my own flesh and blood long ago. I've been so proud, so happy all these years because you've all helped fill that hole that was left in my heart. I've never asked for much, you know that. But, I'm asking you to please let me have this. I...I want this."

Esme started swallowing hard, her nervousness showing.

"You both need to just spit it out, what's going on?" Emmett said, worried.

"Alright. Bella as we knew her in Forks is now dead. I don't believe she can ever go back, even if she wanted to. She would have to lie through her teeth and there's no way she wouldn't be blamed for Charlie. That being said, Bella's emotional state is unknown right now. We have no idea how traumatized she is, and we just don't know if she'll be able to put herself back together anytime soon. She needs to grieve. And she needs us now more than ever."

Esme didn't give anyone time to say anything.

"We made a terrible mistake, we should have never left her. I love her like she is one of my own children. So does Carlisle. Emmett, you've treated her like a sister since we met her. Rosalie, I know you never really disliked her, but you didn't agree with Edward in bringing her in our lives, and you didn't treat her very well. Well, now is the time to start," Esme said, with finality.

And she was pegging Rosalie with the, 'if you don't, I'll kick your ass around the entire fucking state of Idaho' kind of look.

But she wasn't done.

"Jasper, I don't even know what to say other than I am proud of you and shocked by your recent actions. I don't know what's happened with you, But I do hope you will tell me later." She nodded at me minutely, and smiled at me proudly, with her eyes full of unshed joy.

_Jesus Christ. _

She looked around at everyone before looking at Rosalie. "Carlisle and I have decided that even though it may not be the best time, we will ask her to stay with us. She can stay with us for as long as she likes, even if that means the rest of her life. She _will_ be a part of this family. Always."

Carlisle added, "Whether you agree or not, this is where it's at now. We're not only doing this for her, but for all of us. Bella has changed us all for the better. She loves us just as much as we love her. If she decides to leave, that's her choice. But, when she wakes up, she'll find out that even though her entire life has changed, she's wanted here with us, and loved unconditionally."

"It's a girl! Congrats," Emmett whispered exaggeratedly.

Esme was just waiting for Rosalie to say the wrong goddamn thing, but of course, she didn't.

"I agree. She is a part of this family. I will help her in any way I can."

_Fuuuck_..

And then there was me. I was a little surprised. Just a little. I knew very well that they came to this decision with the full intent to support Bella no matter what, even if Edward completely disagreed. Which he would. There would be no compromising with him. Bella was their daughter just as much as he was their son.

I already knew I wasn't leaving her. Even if Carlisle and Esme hadn't have made a decision to bring her into the family, when this was over, Bella would have been looked after and taken care of. Even if it meant I was the one to do it.

_Carlisle and Esme want her to be a part of the family. A daughter._

If they knew what their son was thinking about his new sister earlier, Esme probably would have kicked my ass around the entire state of Idaho. I looked at Esme, who was giving me a half-smile. I smiled back, internally dreading the moment she felt the need to mother the fuck out of me. I loved Esme, but sometimes her affections were just too much.

"You already know what I think, Esme."

"Jasper, get up and come into the other room a bit. Give Esme some time with Bella. You need to contact your man in Seattle and get him started on Bella's paperwork and get him to wipe our phone records and get us some new numbers. Today's her birthday, make it happen," Carlisle said authoritatively.

Carlisle and Emmett headed out of the bedroom. I reluctantly got up, and Rosalie followed.

She grabbed my arm when we were by the door, turning me around to face her, and a face full of conviction. "Jasper, she's not to have the Cullen name. I wouldn't handle it well, and neither would she. You give her ours."


	13. Chapter 13 Fourteen Hours Part II

Chapter 13. Fourteen Hours Part II

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***J*A*S*P*E*R***

While I was on the phone with our bloodsucking lawyer, Rosalie got her laptop out and hooked into the hotel's complimentary web access to see if she could find a suitable picture of Bella. We needed a picture for her drivers' license and passport. Rosalie found one from Bella's school in Phoenix and was emailing it to Jenks. When I told J.J. what I needed and when, he started stammering about Max's fee in the matter. The dick had the impression that I didn't know what the going cost was for a complete new identity with history. He had pissed me off to no end and it really wasn't the time to do that. The fucker really had no idea who he was dealing with. So when I told him that I would fly up and discuss it in person and then we would discuss price, he changed his tune.

Of course, I wouldn't leave Bella to do that, but what he didn't know wouldn't kill him. Not yet. His price went down considerably and Bella's new life would arrive the next morning via Federal Express.

Esme was still sitting on the bed keeping vigil over Bella, while Emmett was on the phone letting the moving company know that we needed our belongings from the house stored temporarily. The trucks hadn't arrived in New York yet, so it was an easy fix.

Carlisle was on his phone with Billy Black, talking about the possibility that Victoria may be setting up some kind of attack on Renee and Phil. Carlisle had also asked him if the wolves picked up any new trails. Billy had also told him that one of the teams that were running had followed a new trail with four scents. It was found east of Forks, and they followed it until it reached the edge of the forest line surrounding Tacoma. They did not track it into the city.

We were going to have another, 'family meeting'. But Carlisle had wanted to get an update before we proceeded, but he had also told me before he called Black that he wanted to know what had happened between Edward and Bella. This was going to go well.

The four of us sat in the small family area. I straddled one of the chairs that I brought over from the table, and put it by the couch so I could see into the bedroom in case she woke up. Emmett and Rosalie were already sitting on the couch, and Carlisle sat in a recliner beside me. He called Esme out to join us, and she sat down on the other side of the couch.

Emmett had asked Carlisle how many wolves were on the reservation. Carlisle told us that the last he knew when we were still in Forks, there had only been two. He said Billy told him that two of the wolves were staying by Renee and Phil, and there were three more running patrols. When we had arrived in Forks two years ago, there had been none.

It was Esme who asked me to tell them what Bella had said about Edward's goodbye, and the events that occurred afterward. To say they were shocked and appalled was an understatement. I told them what Edward had said to her, and they were mortified.

Underneath the mortification was intense feelings of pity and anger, coming from both Carlisle and Esme. Emmett and Rosalie were emitting pure anger and hostility mixed with sadness. It was Emmett who spoke up when Esme started making excuses for her first son.

"Esme, if it had been me in his shoes, I would have told her why I was leaving and why the family left. And I would have told her why she didn't have the choice. Why I wouldn't change her. Edward took the chicken shit way out, telling her that she's not good enough for him, or pretty much for us. He made sure he broke all ties with her, so she would live her life the way _he_ wanted her to."

Emmett continued. The longer he talked the more pissed off he got.

"We knew it would be hard for her, and for Edward to end his relationship with her. But I sort of expected him to leave something open for the future, like a long distance friendship. I mean, what if she ever needed us? Now I think that he didn't want to see her happy or find love with someone else. Not that it would have happened, Bella loved him more than anything. He might love her to no end, but to do what he did, well...it's just unforgivable. I never expected this. She didn't deserve that. She deserved the truth, not that. I won't forgive him for hurting her or abandoning her in the forest like that. He might be my brother, but he fucked up."

Emmett growled. "I'll tell you another thing... If and when he comes back, I intend to fuck him up. And, I think Jasper is already planning it. I'll help you. You wanna help, Rosy?"

"You two better work on your thought process while you come at him from the front, I'll be behind him. If he wanted to blindside Bella like that, I'll blindside him." She was pissed.

Carlisle interjected. "I know all of you are angry, but violence is not the way to handle this. Let's not be hasty. We need to hear his reasons first. Once he finds out about everything that's happened, it will be hard enough for him shouldering all the blame that he will no doubt feel, and hear."

I didn't give a fuck how _hard_ it was for Edward.

"Carlisle, we all knew it would be difficult for the both of them. But, the things he said to her, and the way he left her alone in the forest like that, I really don't give a fuck how difficult it will be for him. I won't give a fuck how he'll feel. He _will_ feel me. Your _son_ is over a 100 years old. _Your_ son fucked up. Your _other_ sons and daughter is planning on fucking him up. And if Bella wants his goddamn balls so she can burn them since he'll never fucking use them then she'll have them."

No one said anything. I went ahead and told them of the events that led to me discovering what had happened to Bella, what Victoria said, and what I had discovered along the way. They all seemed surprised and elated.

"Jasper, you're different. That whole situation normally would have caused you to regress and kill Bella. But, you didn't. What changed for you?" Carlisle asked.

I shook my head. "I don't really know. I still desire it. I can hear her heart beating. I can hear her blood flow, and my throat still burns, but I've been able to keep myself in check. I still felt bloodlust when I was around other humans earlier. But, I don't feel it with her anymore. Maybe it's just because I'm very adverse to killing her now, than I ever was before."

Rosalie jutted her chin out at me. "Just don't push your luck with it, be prepared. It might just come back. Speaking of which, what happens when Bella accepts our request to become a permanent part of our family? You all do realize that she is human. Any one of us could kill her at any given point in time, not just Jasper. We'll all need to be extra cautious," she ended quietly.

It was Emmett that asked what a small part of me had been thinking of.

"Rosalie's right. Bella will be living in a house of vampires, if she accepts. How will we ensure her safety at all times?"

Carlisle cleared his throat. He was uneasy. "Esme and I have already discussed this issue. Yes, we will need to be very cautious with Bella if she decides to stay with us. But with her overall safety an issue, I am going to give her the option. If Bella chooses to stay with us, I will give her the option of changing."

Rosalie tensed, but before she could say anything, Carlisle spoke again.

"Before you say anything, Rosalie, this is Bella's choice. We will see to it that she is well-informed of what she will be gaining, and everything that she'll be losing. You will help with that. We all will. We know what your opinion is on the matter, and you can give it to her. I expect you to be honest on all fronts. Just not what she will be losing."

"Most of us think we are cursed. But, look at this from Bella's point of view. She thinks we're gifted. We are, if you think about it. But, she would be losing an awful lot. The ability to sleep and to dream, and to bear children...We need to be informative, let her know the good things and the bad. Tell her about the change itself. She already knows what kind of pain to expect. It's very important you all talk to her about what you feel, and what you miss the most about being human."

Carlisle let out a sigh, he was still uneasy. "I'll be giving her the option. This sort of goes against everything I believe. If she chooses this for herself, I'd be taking her human life away from her. The difference is that the three of you were already in the process of dying. I brought you to this life for my own selfish reasons. If the time ever comes, God might judge me for doing that. You didn't ask for this existence, so I believe you'll all be forgiven. But, if Bella chooses, she very well could be damning herself. I'll do it, if she chooses to be one of us, and I'll deal with the consequences later. Maybe, never, if I'm lucky."Carlisle breathed out a rueful laugh.

I think a part of him was hoping she would say no.

I was surprised at the decision he had come to, and I knew he didn't come to it lightly. He very well could be judged for taking Bella's human life away from her. But, maybe she was supposed to become a vampire. Had Carlisle not thought about that?

I couldn't see God sending Carlisle to hell for saving the others, but he might very well for taking Bella's life. But he had nothing to worry about. I'd change her. I already sealed the deal a long time ago. I knew where I was probably headed. And if Bella was sent to hell for her choice, at least I'd have a friend. If we ever died in the first place.

It had grown very quiet after Carlisle's proclamation, which was why he was interested in changing the subject.

"Okay, Jasper. Now is the time for you to tell all of us why we are all here. Why Nampa, Idaho?"

_Get ready to duck, the shit just may hit the fan_.

"Because I think we're going to need help. Victoria will stop at nothing to get to Bella, and to us. From the feelings she was putting out last night, and the things she said, I was able to come up with one conclusion, but you might think I'm overreacting. I think she's building an army, and I think she's got a small one already. The reason I think she's doing that is because she's thinking now she'll need one to take us all down. Laurent probably told her about Alice's ability and Edward's...and mine. She can't do it on her own, and she knows this. But she doesn't know that our numbers have lessened. She still expects us all to be together. And I think she's got some help, too."

I focused on the floor because Esme looked a little horrified and I was picking up on her fear, too.

"The dogs were able to get one, and it was probably a newborn. The reasons I think that she's got a few older vampires helping her is because the others managed to evade the dogs, and I think I heard her talking to one last night on the phone when I was chasing her. That would mean she possibly has three mature vampires helping her. And if they are building an army? They could each handle four or five, and that would mean she could have an army of twenty, or more. Plus the other three that are experienced. Understand, that's the worst case scenario. I really don't know what to expect, or what she has, or what the hell she's planning. That's just what I think, and I always think the worst."

I looked to Carlisle, who looked horrified. Hell, they all did.

"Carlisle, Peter and Charlotte have a house here. Years ago, they bought an old ski lodge up in mountain territory. It's very remote. I brought us to Nampa to be close enough in case you agree with my plan. Peter and Charlotte are on their way from their place in New Mexico. They only use this place during the Summer. They've agreed to help. Peter's almost as experienced as me in dealing with newborns, and his ability might come in handy. And Charlotte, well she knows how to fight and how to fight well. You'll all need to be trained to fight newborns. Peter and Charlotte can help with that."

"Peter's ability?" Carlisle asked.

"Peter's specialty when we were together was reconnaissance. Peter has no scent. It's not really an ability. I guess you could consider it a handicap. But, not really, not when he can go undetected, and where we _can't_. Plus, he's a stealthy bastard. It's kind of funny, but when I found him, when he was still human, he smelled really bad. He told me much later that he remembers he had some sort of gland problem."

Carlisle chuckled, and raised his eyebrows. "It is unique, I'll give you that. Strange. A vampire we can't smell. Is there more?"

"Yeah. We need a place to hunt and to train. Peter and Charlotte have invited us to stay with them. It's really the perfect place; it's huge, and there's plenty of room. Esme, it would give you something to do while we're there. Charlotte would love help with the house. But we can stay there until we can figure out what exactly Victoria has planned and where they are. I don't think she'd keep them all together. She wouldn't want to draw unnecessary attention. And if they're in separate groups, we'll need to figure out where they're at, and plan out our strategy to deal with them."

Emmett was looking forward to that. "You mean, go find them first and kill them?"

"If it's possible." I told him. " We'll have to wait and see. But, Emmett, even you will need to train. Not that it'll take much, but newborns are quick and very strong. If there taught how to fight, even a little, we have a problem."

Rosalie interrupted, because it was finally dawning on her just what I was asking for.

"Wait a minute. You want us to live with Peter and Charlotte? They feed off of humans. Are you forgetting about Bella?"

"Rosalie, it won't be a problem. Bella will be completely safe. I won't let them harm her. Besides, Peter and Charlotte are in complete control of themselves. Bella is more at risk with us than them."

Carlisle agreed. "He's right, Rosalie. While she would be an attraction to them, they don't deny themselves human blood like we do. They probably can control their blood lust better. Still, for Bella, it would be best if she doesn't bleed around them. She will need to be diligent about not having any accidents."

"Carlisle, don't make fun of her," Esme scolded.

"Never, Esme. I was simply pointing out that Bella is accident-prone. Jasper, even with Peter and Charlotte, that still only makes seven. Even if we were to find Alice and Edward, we're still outnumbered. Even if we include the wolves, which I'm not sure if they would even want to help. Your plan seems well thought out, but we need numbers. I might have a solution to that."

The conversation went over way better than I had expected. Never had I thought that they would agree to living with Peter and Charlotte - with Bella.

"What's that, Carlisle?"

He didn't say anything for a moment. He was reluctant, and at first I thought he was talking to himself.

"I'll have to call him and tell him everything. We'll probably take a lot of shit for it, but the last thing they'll want is an army of newborn vampires running around the country...You know this, Jasper. But, we need help. I'm talking about calling Aro."


	14. Chapter 14 Fourteen Hours Part III

Chapter 14. Fourteen Hours Part III

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***J*A*S*P*E*R***

_Aro. What the fuck?_

The situation was messed up from the get-go. Of course, I debated with Carlisle on the fact that we really could be screwing ourselves if he went ahead and told Aro everything that had happened. But, he insisted that we needed to be truthful.

We had broken laws, and a human was aware of our existence. That could have been a death sentence right there. One of us had fell in love with her, but the fucking idiot didn't want to change her or eat her. Then he left her, and he left her alive with the knowledge that vampires existed in the world.

_Sure, let's call the Volturi._

It took a lot of convincing from Carlisle. One of the points he brought up was the fact that the Volturi would in fact come into the situation will a no bullshit agenda. Newborn armies were simply not tolerated, and they would want to move swiftly to obliterate them.

We would still be outnumbered if Victoria was, indeed, building a small army. Even with the wolves help. I acquiesced to Carlisle's request, but if the Volturi agreed to help us and send help, it was going to be my operation. I was a prick that wanted to kill that vindictive bitch for myself and make sure that no loose ends were left untied. All of them would die.

The Volturi. While the main group was in Italy, they had guard members throughout Europe and Russia. They could always send a whole goddamn faction and just do it themselves, but since we didn't have proof that such a thing existed or would at one point, Carlisle thought that they would just send a small group for reconnaissance.

It wasn't that I hated the Volturi, but I knew they thought highly of themselves because they were the official law enforcers of our society. They thought they were all royals. I thought they were all a pain in the ass. But Carlisle was greatly respected by the brothers, and if he needed help, they would probably send it. If they didn't kill us for exposing ourselves to a human.

I couldn't stay in that room while Carlisle gave Aro a history lesson and requested help, so I sat beside Bella on the bed.

Carlisle was on the phone for well over a half hour. He had gotten up out of his seat and had gone out to the balcony to continue his conversation at one point.

I watched her in her stillness as I thought about Edward and what he had said to her, and Victoria throwing her across the creek like a rag doll, and her eyes as destruction hit them when I told her Charlie was dead. She was so pale and so still, yet her heart beat was strong and vital. I only hoped her heart and mind weren't broken for good.

She let out a little moan beside me. I sent her a ripple of calm and she settled. I wasn't trying to keep her sedated, but her body and mind had been through too much. She needed the rest.

I couldn't sit there and and not fucking think or feel, but I wasn't doing her any good by sitting there because I was obviously projecting without even realizing it. I left her so she could sleep, and I could go kill something.

Emmett was sitting with Rosalie and Esme on the couch, and they were all listening to Carlisle's conversation on the phone. I needed to fill up the car with gas so I asked Emmett to come along. I told the girls that we would only be gone an hour, and to call if Bella woke up.

We took the Vanquish and I stopped at the nearest gas station. I went inside, bought a gas tank, went outside and filled up the Vanquish and the gas tank. Emmett of course was curious.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"You'll see."

I drove us out of town on a dirt road that was next to the hotel, into the conservation area and the other side of the lake. After a couple minutes, the road ended, but there was a meadow at the end of it. It was fairly big, almost completely surrounded by trees. I drove into the meadow and stopped the car. Bella's bunny was shoved between the seat and the center console. I gave it to Emmett to hold onto.

Emmett walked over to a fallen tree by the edge of the meadow. He sat down on the thick trunk and stretched his legs out in front of him.

It took Emmett a second or two to catch on, but soon enough I felt his humor and anticipation.

I soaked the seats down, along with the floor and the dash. I popped the little trunk and the hood, and soaked the engine, too. The tires, the glossy black paint...all of it.

I took out the complimentary matches I had put in my pocket from the hotel. I struck one and lit the whole book on fire, throwing it into the driver's seat. I walked over to where Emmett was sitting and sat down a few feet away from him on the stump. He was sending a picture to Rosalie.

We watched it burn, the flames a fierce and unforgiving beast. Fire was a beautiful thing. The red, orange, and blue hues soothed me, as I watched them lick the star-filled sky.

I only wished that Bella were there to see it.

"What are you going to do about a car?" Emmett asked a few minutes as one of the tires gave.

"We'll need 4X4's to get up the mountain anyway. We'll stop at a car dealer tomorrow. Where did you leave your Jeep?"

He seemed to had forgotten about his Jeep, his eyes briefly went wide.

"It's in Big Sky, Montana. We dropped it there when we heard about Bella and couldn't reach you. I left it at a truck stop. I'll go get it soon. I think Rosy needs to hunt anyway, I'll take her with."

"I'm very impressed with your wife, Emmett. She handling this all very well."

He grinned, proud of her. "Yeah, I know. Bella didn't deserve this, and she knows what she's lost. She's worried about her. She won't say it, but I can tell."

"She is."

"She's still a bitch, though. Edward will _feel_ her, too." he informed me, grinning at the thought.

Rosalie had loved the Vanquish and I began to worry about getting my ass kicked. "You think she'll be mad about the car?"

Emmett chuckled. "I think your ass is safe for now. It being Edward's, she'll understand. She'll still give you shit for it, though."

"Yeah, she will."

"You know, you're different, too. I think that with what happened at her birthday, you know, you almost killing her, Alice leaving you, Edward leaving Bella, and then almost being killed by that psycho bitch, you two actually have a lot more in common. You've both have been through hell these past few days."

The guilt was starting to eat at me again. "She said she doesn't blame me for what happened, but now? Now that Charlie's dead? I caused all this. All of it."

"The fuck you did. We've already had this discussion, Jasper. It was just a mistake, and it wasn't even yours to begin with. She won't blame you at all. She'll try and shoulder it herself." Emmett said sternly.

I wished they would have just let me take it. It was mine. And I didn't like to share.

"I know. It won't matter who tells her it isn't or why it isn't. She'll question every decision she's ever made since she came to Forks. She'll still think she ultimately killed her father. I wish she'd blame me. I don't want have.._that_ in common with her. She'd be better off."

The gas tank exploded. I relished the warmth as the wave the explosion created washed over my face.

I could see Emmett giving me a hard look out of my peripheral vision. Emmett knew what I was referring to. It has only been discussed once, and it was with him. I had killed my own father. It was something I would not discuss openly with just anyone.

"That's bullshit, Jasper, and if she knew that she'd say the same the same thing. She can relate to you now because you saved her life, and she trusts you. She can relate to you now because you've been there for her since this started, and you lost something, too. It's your face she'll want to see when she wakes up."

I hoped he was right. More than hoped. Bella would blame herself before anyone else, but if blaming me gave her an outlet to rid herself of some of the guilt, I would more than understand.

I was ready to go. The fire was still going pretty good, but it was damp out and there was rain moving in.

"Let's go. I want to get back to the hotel."

"Alright. No more special occasions for this bitch...Let's go," Emmett said, satisfied. He picked up a fallen branch and threw it towards the car.

We were back at the hotel within a minute. Esme was sitting on the couch with Carlisle, shaking her head exasperatedly when we walked in. Rosalie had been in the bedroom with Bella, and she came walking out. She glowered at me as she tried not to smile.

"You know, I can understand why you did it. But, really setting an Aston Martin on fire? I hope you feel better now. I did a lot of work on that car, you know. We could see it from the balcony."

"Sorry, Rosalie." I changed the subject. "What did he say, Carlisle?"

"Well, of course we're in deep because we broke the cardinal rule - no exposure. But, hell, they've always kept a few humans around, to complete tasks they can't, and I reminded him of this. Aro was amused that Edward had fallen in love with a human. But, he was not amused with our decision to leave her, and leave her _alive_. I explained the situation, and I told him everything. He only gave me one option where Bella is concerned," Carlisle said, apprehensively.

His shoulders fell and he sighed.

"He understands our family dynamic. He finds it intriguing and he's curious. He wants to meet her someday, but not now. She will be allowed to make the choice to remain human or be changed. But, she can never leave our family. He figures that if she chooses to stay human, and she stays with us, one of us would kill her, anyways. If she chooses to leave, we are to kill her."

Rosalie was instantly angry, and she growled out. "That's bullshit, Carlisle. We'd be taking her choices away!"

Carlisle nearly lost his temper. His voice was steeled, and he nearly growled as his eyes narrowed into slits.

"Rosalie, _be_ quiet. We'll tell Bella everything. It'll be her decision. The only thing that's changed is that she will not be allowed to leave the family. Aro made it clear that if we let her leave, we would all pretty much be sentenced to death. He said it's the price she pays for playing with vampires. She still has her choice, Rosalie. We will never harm her if she chooses to remain human. But, I won't sacrifice this family and neither will Bella. You know that. But she's going to have to stay with us, no matter what."

Everyone was feeling resigned, with a tinge of irritation. Carlisle took a moment to calm his own frazzled nerves. Charlie's death was taking a toll on even him.

"As for our problem with Victoria, he's not sending over an army. Evidently, they're having problems with the Romanians right now that need to be dealt with. He's going to send over two of his guard, Jasper. He'll give them specific instruction that they are to follow your orders, and mine. They will arrive within the next two days."

I nodded at him. Two was tolerable.

Aro was an asshole, but in a way, it was the best we could hope for. Bella would have to stay with us. I would never try to kill her again. I would take every precaution necessary even if that meant I would need to to leave if I couldn't keep my bloodlust under control.

As for the choice she would need to make, I silently hoped she would choose to become a full member of the family. Newborns were fun.

I had been deep in thought when I looked back up at Carlisle. He was staring at me quizzically with curiosity flowing out of him. He obviously wanted to know what I was thinking about.

I shook my head at him. "We're still outnumbered, though. But, with training and practice, it shouldn't be a big problem. If we can get the Quileute's to help, it won't be one, at all."

"When will we go to Peter and Charlotte's?" Esme asked.

"Tomorrow. We'll need to stop in Boise. Carlisle and Rosalie, you'll need to trade in your cars or store them. We need four wheel drives to get through the mountain passes. So, we'll stop at a car dealer first thing tomorrow. Esme, we'll need food for Bella. And, I don't know what they have to cook with, so you might want to go shopping with Rosalie in the morning while we take care of the cars. Maybe she'll go with you, but we should probably wait and see how she is," I told them.

I sincerely didn't think she'd be up to a shopping trip, or anything else for that matter. The mood drastically changed. She was on everyone's mind.

"When she wakes up, we should let Jasper talk to her a little bit first. She trusts him more right now. You guys might not have thought about it, but she might be upset we left her without saying goodbye. But, Jasper, you need to let Carlisle and Esme talk to her about the family stuff. They'll be able to express how important she is to all of us better, and since Carlisle's gonna offer to kill her..well, yeah. They should do it."

Carlisle grinned at Emmett. "Thank you, Emmett. Except, I want you all in there when we tell her. It's important she knows how the three of you feel about all this. If we approach her together as a family, she'll feel wanted. Rosalie, you need to figure out what you need to say to her. You can't be bitchy to her while you're in there."

Rosalie was shocked, hurt, and a little perturbed. "I _know_ that, Carlisle. Just you worry about what you and Esme are going to say to her to convince her. I'll worry about my part." She huffed in her seat, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Asshole," she added and muttered.

Carlisle smiled at her. "I love you, too, Rose. Just make me proud."

The others kept talking while I went into the bedroom. I closed the door and retrieved a book out of my bag. I needed to get my head out of everything for awhile. Bella had'nt moved a bit. She was going to be stiff and sore when she woke up.

I was dreading it when she did. The realization that her father was dead would once again hit her, and I wasn't looking forward to it.

It was about one in the morning when she let out a little moan. She started to move her arms a little, and she turned over, until her face almost touched my thigh.

I put my book down on the nightstand and scooted down next to her, propping myself up on my left elbow, and watched her face. She was making all sorts of facial expressions as her legs shifted under the blanket, and I could feel her discomfort.

She swallowed and scrunched up her eyebrows. She opened her eyes, and blinked repeatedly until she focused on my face. There was only a small amount of surprise and confusion.

And then the realization hit her.

"Where are we?" She croaked. She was calm.

"We're in a hotel in Nampa, Idaho." I told her softly.

She didn't say anything for a few seconds. "How long have I been asleep?"

"About fourteen hours. You really needed it. Your body has been through a lot, along with your mind, and your heart."

Bella stayed calm, but I could feel a dull grief seeping out of her. Her eyes were starting to get glassy, and she swallowed hard trying to fight it off. She shuddered out a breath.

She started to say something, but then she stopped. She took another breath and started again.

"Charlie's dead, Jasper. My dad is dead," her voice was a tremor. She couldn't look at me, so she focused on my index finger which was drawing a circle over the top of her hand.

"Yes. His heart gave out. It happened very quick, and he didn't feel any pain. He's resting in peace now." I told her, cautiously.

I really didn't know. But, I knew she didn't need to hear he had suffered any pain. Maybe it would help, but I knew it probably wouldn't.

The drowning grief was still there, but the guilt was starting to become overwhelming. My own body felt heavy.

I took her hand and started rubbing her knuckles.

"Bella, the body that was found was a set-up, at least it seems to be. Someone put that body there. You both had similar physical attributes, and the girl that was found had also sustained some of the injuries you have in the past. You did not cause your father's death. Whoever planted that body is the one that's at fault. I swear. I swear I will kill them for doing this. You can't blame yourself for something that was completely out of your control."

Her tears were flowing freely. Her breaths were shaky, and she was shuddering.

"I know you're right, I do. But all of this, all of this that's happened now, everything that happened with James..none of it would have happened if I wouldn't have fallen in love with Edward. If I had just stayed away from him when he told me I should have, none of this would have ever happened. I fell in love with Edward and now I'm paying the consequences. So is my family," she cried.

Her soul, her feelings, were all laid bare. She clenched her hand over her heart. I could feel the weight that squeezed it painfully. A weight that would always be there. She would never completely get over the guilt she felt.

"Yes, you are. But no one, no one could have known what would happen. No one would blame you. It just happened. His heart truly broke when he thought he lost you. He felt that pain, that pain you're feeling now. But, he's up there now, and he knows you're still alive. And, that's what he would want you to do. He'd want you to live. No one will expect you not to feel any guilt for his death. I won't. But, you can't move on if you let the guilt that you feel from just living your life consume you. You knew him best, you know he wouldn't want that."

Bella cried and cried. I said nothing more and I just held her hand and dried her tears. She eventually made herself calm down, but then her emotions shifted. She was only emitting grief, but she started feeling very anxious.

"Jasper, how do I face my mother? How would I even begin to explain any of this? I won't be able to lie, I couldn't. I won't." She sobbed.

Her panic seeped into my calm resolve, so I pushed what I was making myself feel to her in a strong wave. Her eyes widened, and it confused her, but I could also tell that it hurt her. She felt hurt because I was manipulating her emotions.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have did that. But a lot happened while you were asleep and you need to prepare yourself. Renee and Phil are safe, but I need you to stay calm. I'll tell you everything."

I took a deep breath and cleared my mind. It felt wrong to make her feel something different than what she should feel. She was entitled to all of her feelings at that moment. But she was overwhelming me with hers at the same time. There was no way I was going to get through it if I didn't.

"Like I said before, the body that was found was a close resemblance to yours. When they took the body in for testing they found out it had sustained previous injuries just like you have had; a broken leg, several healed fractures in your skull...she even had long, dark brown hair. Your mom and Phil are in Forks. She insisted on looking at the body, and she..."

Bella interrupted. "Oh, crap. She told them it was me, didn't she? Oh, fuck. I'm dead, aren't I?"

Carlisle opened the door and walked in at the same time she made her statement. She sat up and watched as Esme, Emmett, and Rosalie followed him in.

She was full of dread, but I think she knew what I would say.

"Yes."


	15. Chapter 15 Phoenix

Chapter 15. Phoenix

**%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%**

***B*E*L*L*A***

I remember wishing I was asleep. I remember wishing that it was in no way real. I even tried to convince myself that it had to be a dream. A nightmare. Jasper said he was gone. He said he had a heart attack. He said he was sorry. He said that Charlie, my dad, was dead.

I lost it. The rationality that had been telling me to hold on to what was left of my self-control. I had been through too much both physically and mentally those past few hours, but I had still maintained my ability to distinguish reality from non-reality, and right from wrong. The good from the bad. But, I lost it. I lost control.

I had never been one to believe in out of body experiences, but I watched myself lose it. I heard myself scream and cry like a mad woman. I saw myself hit him and kick at him with my legs because I wanted to break free. But he just held on too tight.

I remember looking at the retaining wall at that scenic view, and thinking about jumping over it, into the valley below, for just a second.

Part of me wanted to be embarrassed that I was acting that way. I remembered watching this show where other people were reacting to the loss of a loved one, in almost the same manner. It was heart-wrenching to watch them and hear them; and it made me feel uneasy. It was heartbreaking to now know how they felt.

Jasper held me, and I finally let him. I felt him holding onto me when it felt like I was shattering into a million pieces, and I guess maybe it was a good thing that he was so strong. I knew my grief and loss of control had to be hurting him, but he did not let go. And at that point in time, I really didn't care if I was.

The thing that I would remember most from that moment is that not once did he tell me that it would be okay. Because it would never be okay.

I remembered when the others arrived. I saw their faces. I swallowed some pills. Jasper picked me up, and we got into a car. I must have fallen asleep at some point because the next thing I knew I was in a bed somewhere. Jasper was still there, and I was lying on his chest. He was rubbing my back and dabbing at my tears. He still didn't say anything. No one did.

Then it was strange. My mind separated into two. I fell asleep, but I knew I was asleep. I couldn't feel my body, and I felt like I was fading in and out. One moment there would be nothing, and then all of a sudden I would feel something. They didn't seem happy at all. Sometimes they felt mad, other times they seemed sad. Then he was gone.

As I started to think about how I felt that, the two halves became whole again. I could feel my body and I could feel someone else with me.

When I opened my eyes, my vision was blurry, but there was an angel staring at me. I laid there a minute to make sure I wasn't dreaming, staring into wide, ocher eyes as he stared into mine. He touched my hand with his, and I felt the cold.

I was awake.

It crashed down on me like nothing ever had before. The weight in my chest made it extremely difficult to breathe, and I thought my heart would explode, if it hadn't been crushed already.

Charlie was dead. I still didn't want to accept it, but I needed to. I would never see him again. He was gone. He was gone and it was my fault. I wanted to die. Maybe I should have.

Jasper had tried to relieve and repair my damaged psyche. When he told me that someone had set-up the body to make it look like me, it just brought to mind that choice I made so long ago. If I had done what Edward had said and stayed away from him, none of it would have ever happened. I would be accountable for Charlie's death for the rest of my life.

I knew that Jasper wasn't trying to talk me out of my grief; he was trying to talk me out of my guilt, and I really wanted to believe him. I needed to believe that if Charlie's soul existed on another plane, he would have forgave me and he would have wanted me to live, and be happy.

I remembered a thought I had before finding out Charlie was dead. Jasper had saved my life twice. One time being with Victoria, and the other time being with Edward. I thought about that again. It seemed petty that I had even thought of it to begin with, but Edward's leaving didn't even compare to the loss I felt for Charlie. Not even close. Charlie was dead. Gone forever.

As he told me about that body and tried to fix what was left of me, Jasper laid beside me, propped up on his elbow. I kept my eyes on his hand most of the time, drawing circles or rubbing my knuckles. I just didn't want anyone looking at me, seeing my pain.

It was bad enough knowing he could feel what was going on inside me. But, he never said anything. I knew that eventually I would start blaming myself again, but I really needed to look at things from his standpoint. There was no way I could control Charlie's reaction to thinking I had been killed, and I would just slowly torture myself with thoughts about what I could have done differently in the past.

Charlie had thought that I was dead. They had told him that I resembled the girl that was found. How could I ever go back to my life? There was no possible way I could return to the life I had been living in Forks. There was no way I could lie to my mother and everyone else about running away with Edward.

For God's sake, I had let my dad die because I ran away with my boyfriend? And that's when it hit me. My mother. What would I do about her?

"Jasper, how do I face my mother? How would I even begin to explain any of this? I won't be able to lie, I couldn't. I won't." I cried out.

_Please tell me what to do_.

Jasper's eyes grew slightly wider and he looked worried. I knew I was starting to panic, and my heart jumped inside my chest. I couldn't breathe, and my head was filling up with the sound of my ears starting to ring.

But in an instant, I found my breath, and I felt a heavy tingling sensation of sorts fill my head, and travel down my spine, and the sensation was all I could focus on, because it was the most relaxing and beautiful sensation I had ever felt. But it was out of place.

I knew it was him right away, and I couldn't believe he was doing it. It hurt me because he should have been letting me feel what I wanted to feel.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have did that. But a lot happened while you were asleep and you need to prepare yourself. Renee and Phil are safe, but I need you to stay calm. I'll tell you everything," he said, and ocher eyes pleaded with me to understand.

He looked scared.

_What the hell does that mean? Oh, God. What's happened now?_

He looked scared.

"Like I said before, the body that was found was a close resemblance to yours. When they took the body in for testing they found out it had sustained previous injuries just like you have had; a broken leg, several healed fractures in your skull...she even had long, dark brown hair. Your mom and Phil are in Forks. She insisted on looking at the body, and she..."

I didn't even let him finish. I knew my mother well enough. _Oh, crap, Renee, what the fuck did you do? _

"Oh, crap. She told them it was me, didn't she? Oh, fuck. I'm dead, aren't I?"

Just then, a door inside the room opened and Carlisle, Emmett, and Rosalie all came in. I sat up quickly, looking at all of them, and I started to shake.

Of course she would think it had been me. My overly dramatic and eccentric mother would not have hoped to believe that her daughter was still alive, somewhere. She would look for closure as quick as she could. She probably had even believed I was dead before she even saw that body.

I looked over at Jasper. His eyes said it all.

"Yes." he said.

I wanted to fucking scream, and inside my head I already was. The next thing I knew, I was sitting in Jasper's lap. His left arm was wrapped around my lower chest and he both my arms pinned down. His right arm was wrapped around me, his palm on my left cheek.

His chin was resting on the side of my head, and he spoke into my ear. That's when I realized I was hyperventilating.

"Bella, listen to me. Calm down. You don't like it when I make you, so you need to do it for yourself. Breathe, nice..and slow. There's a lot more to hear. Do it," he ordered.

Jasper started rocking back and forth. I tried. I really tried to calm down, and it took me a minute to get there. All of the others had settled by the bed. Carlisle had sat down in front of me. Esme was on my right side, rubbing my arm and holding my hand. Emmett was standing right behind Carlisle. He seemed to be looking at Jasper, and he looked mad.

Emmett was holding my bunny that Jasper had given me down at his side. He met my eyes as I looked at him and tried to steady my breaths. His face softened, and he smiled softly.

He gave the bunny to Jasper, who took it and held it against my chest. Rosalie was on Emmett's left side. She was looking at me. Her look was one of compassion, fear, and worry.

Rosalie had never looked at me like that. Ever.

Time seemed to be standing still. I looked at Carlisle, and he spoke.

"Bella, there's no possible way for me to accurately relay to you how sorry we are for Charlie's loss. I know you've had a lot to deal with, and I know you're scared and worried about your mother. If this gets to be too much, you tell us, and we'll stop. But you need to hear what has happened since you've asleep. Your mother and Phil _are_ safe, so don't worry about that. They're being taken care of."

I was still looking in his eyes when he gave me a questioning glance. I had calmed down, a little. The tears were flowing down my cheeks and my breathing didn't feel so labored and quick. Esme dabbed at my tears with some tissue. I didn't trust my voice, so I just nodded at him.

"The body that was found looked like it had been eaten by some animal. What we know is that your mother did look at the body, and confirm it was you. And with your medical history – some similar healed fractures that were found on the body, and your mother's identification – the medical examiner declared the body was yours."

He paused, but he didn't give me time to think.

"I know you're worried about your mother. About how she is reacting. They did need to sedate her. She's physically fine. She's grieving, for both you and Charlie. The Quiluete's are keeping them guarded and the house is under constant surveillance. Billy Black is helping your mother with the funeral arrangements. You need to think through this Bella. Given the situation that we are in, you need to realize that it is for the best."

Carlisle stopped for a minute so I could think through that. I could see it, but it still horrified me. I had lost both of my parents, even though one was still alive. She could never know the truth. If she ever knew the truth, she would believe it, and that could have damaged her more than my supposed death. My mother had lost a daughter and the father of her only child, a man she did love. She still loved him. Part of her always loved Charlie.

I couldn't quit crying. It was embarrassing. I closed my eyes for a minute. I couldn't look at their faces. Jasper had taken his hand off of my cheek and was rubbing my neck, and that was embarrassing itself because I was hot, and I was sweating. He still had one arm wrapped around me.

I knew I needed help. How would I even begin to deal with all of it, if Victoria didn't manage to kill me first?

"I know that I can never go back. I know I've lost her, too. But when this is over, if Victoria doesn't manage to kill _me_, where the hell am I going to go? What the hell am I going to do?"

Esme moved slightly and caught my attention. Her eyes were liquid, and if they could have released tears, they would have.

She gave me an encouraging smile, "Bella, Carlisle was picking me up from the airport when we found out about your mother and your supposed death. Carlisle and I had a long talk about this very thing. Take the situation with Victoria out of the equation for right now. Bella, we have always loved you. Since we met you. You chose to love our son. You brought happiness to his life, but you also brought happiness to ours. More than that, really. I never got the chance to raise my child, you know. But, when you were with us, you gave me a chance to watch and experience the things I missed with that. True, you are not a child, but I got to see you laugh, see you cry, and see you develop more into a young woman. I love you like my own. I thank you for giving me that, and I hope you will still," she sobbed.

"Bella, Carlisle and I want you to stay with us. We don't mean just for now, we mean forever. We know we can never replace Renee and Charlie, and we wouldn't even try to. But, we want you to be a part of our family. We love you, Bella. Please say you want to stay with us."

That was not expected. My tears were falling as I cried and it made it hard to see. Choking it back and sucking it up was impossible. It made me feel weak and embarrassed.

I was still sitting in Jasper's lap and his arm around me had given somewhat. I turned my face into the crook of his shoulder. I couldn't look at them. I knew they were all looking at me, expecting me to say something, but I just needed a minute to process all of it.

I knew what I wanted to say. I wanted to say 'yes'. And of course, I would. I had lost everything. I knew there was no way that I could go out into the world on my own. I was too afraid of everything and everybody, including _them_.

In the past, I had always managed to take care of those around me. My mom, and then Charlie. _My dad_. But there was no way in hell I could even begin to take care of myself at that point. And I had loved the Cullens, too. But, they had left me, and they hadn't even said goodbye. They had left me for Edward.

I turned around to look at Esme.

"But, you left. You left and you didn't even say goodbye. How can you expect me to..." I had to start again. "I know you did it for Edward. I know you did what he thought was best. You shouldn't have done that. You should have told me goodbye."

Esme looked hurt and looked down. Carlisle was quick to answer.

"You're right, Bella. We made a mistake. A terrible one. We never should have left you. We don't really have an excuse, either. We did it because that's what Edward wanted. It was difficult for us to see Edward so torn, so brokenhearted about leaving you. We honestly wanted to make it as easy for him as possible. That's why. That is why we didn't say goodbye. It was..a mistake, and all of us, we do make them. I'm sorry. We're all so very sorry."

Edward's name did something to me. They did it for him, and I could understand that. But, when he found out about all that happened, where did that leave me? Would they leave me again, for him? Because, surely, he meant more, and I could understand that.

I wanted to say 'yes' so badly, but it would kill me if they left for him. How could they ask me to be a part of the family, when they would choose him?

I didn't mean for my voice to seem so cold, but that's just the way it sounded.

"I _know_ you are sorry. I understand why you did it. But, you are asking me to stay with you, to be a part of your family. Your _son_, Carlisle, told me I was not good enough for him. When he comes back, I'll still not be good enough for him, or good enough for this family. Where will that leave me when you do what's best for Edward again? I've already lost you all once. Now, I've lost everything I had of my own. I can't make that kind of commitment only to lose you again."

I felt bad for talking to the patriarch of the family that way. It did sound bad, and I already wanted to beg for forgiveness. But, they needed to know. I couldn't survive it.

Carlisle was about to answer when Rosalie grabbed his shoulder.

"Carlisle, move." she said.

I was instantly worried. There was no way I could put up a front, or argue with her at that point. Rosalie was cold steel, and she was looking directly at me. Her eyes did not betray her.

Carlisle got up and moved over to the other side of the bed, opposite of Esme. Even he was watching her with caution. Jasper tensed. I prepared for the worst. Rosalie sat down in front of me.

"My brother, Edward, was not good enough for _you_. This family has made a commitment. Carlisle and Esme made their decision to ask you before they even consulted with the rest of us. Before the rest of us knew that you had been declared dead. Do not doubt their love for you. Do not doubt _all_of our love for you. Even mine. I know I've been nothing but a callous bitch towards you. I have been mean and cruel and...well, you know how I've been. But, it never meant I didn't care for you. You have what I always wanted. You have your humanity."

Some emotion hit her, but as quick as it hit, it was gone again. Her tone turned cold.

"Carlisle and Esme, all of us here, will not give you up for anything. Or, anyone. Not even Edward. We want you to be a part of this family. _I_ want you to be a part of this family. _Fuck_ Edward and his needs. When the time comes, we - your sister and brothers - will take care of him. He won't even be able to address you without my fucking say so, and that's with your fucking say so. Don't fucking worry about that. I swear on my life, even on Emmett's, I will not abandon you. None of us will."

The one person that I thought would never say it, said what I needed to hear. Rosalie had never said more than five words to me, ever. I was absolutely shocked that it had come from her. I could not question it because it was right there in her face. Determination, truth, and love. The somewhat calm demeanor that I had maintained for that short amount of time crumbled.

Jasper had let me go at some point and I was being embraced by her. I had my head on her shoulder and Esme was pushing the hair away from my face, drying my tears, and helping me blow my nose.

I'm not sure how long it was like that, but Jasper spoke up. He spoke as he got off the bed.

"Alright, that's enough for now. She's fucking killing me. All of you are. Bella, go take a bath and relax. I'm going to order you something to eat."

"Jasper, I'm not hungry." I said.

"You'll eat, anyway." He ordered, and walked out of the room.

He seemed upset. I started to worry that maybe not everyone wanted this. If I stayed with the Cullens after this was over, Jasper would suffer greatly from his blood lust. I couldn't put him through that.

Rosalie let go of me and helped me move so I could stand up as I looked out the door. I was still incredibly stiff, and I was just noticing how sore I was. I put my feet on the floor, stood up gingerly, and was met with the wall that was Emmett.

"Bella, he's just upset that we all are. He's absorbing everything we're all throwing at him and he needs to get away from it for a minute. He's not upset with you, so don't worry. He gets cranky when we're all moody." Emmett smiled, and then he lifted me up and hugged me tightly, causing me to grimace and groan. He quickly put me down as easily as possible.

"Rose loves you, we all do. There's more we need to talk about, but we won't ever leave you again. Now, from your little outburst of affection there with Rosalie, I would assume your answer is 'yes'? You really didn't say so. We need to know. We've been waiting hours to find out."

I tried to smile at Emmett. I needed some time. I knew I was going to tell them 'yes', but I needed to try to clear my head for a moment. My body ached from sleeping and I was still recuperating from the ordeal with Victoria. My legs had fresh bandages, and I moved awkwardly, but they didn't feel so bad anymore. My shoulder and back was still bothering me, but it was dull pain. And someone had changed me. I was wearing, soft-knit pajama pants that were black with a fuchsia-colored, ribbed tank.

I ran my hands over my pants, straightening them a little because they were twisted, and pulling my tank down that had risen up. Rosalie was there, still watching me, and she took my elbow as we walked slowly out of the room.

"I have to go to the bathroom." I told her.

"I'll take you there. Do you want to take bath? It'll help you relax a little and you might feel better." She smiled softly at me. I could feel my eyes glassing up again, I pushed it away.

"That would be nice. Yes." I told her.

I walked out of the room and looked around. It had a balcony with a sliding glass door. Jasper was outside leaning on the rail, looking out. Carlisle and Emmett had sat down on the couch and Emmett had turned on the TV. Esme had gone ahead of me when Emmett had been talking to me and had started my water. Rosalie let me walk the rest of the way to the bathroom why she went back to the bedroom to retrieve some clothes for me.

Rosalie put my clothes on a chair in the bathroom, instructing me to take the bandages off my legs before I got in, and to prop them up on the bath so they didn't soak. Both she and Esme left, closing the door.

I undressed and took off the bandages, ignoring the way my legs looked. I slowly tested the water. It stung a little bit, but I got in and lay all the way down until the water covered every part of me but my face and legs.

I laid in there for a long time. I thought about everything that had happened. I thought about Charlie, Renee, and everybody else that I wouldn't see again. I thought about my room I thought about my books, my truck, and everything else I lost.

I thought about what Jasper had said to me about living. I thought about what Esme and Carlisle had said. I thought about Rosalie's words. And I cried for it all.

I got out and combed through my hair over and over again. I tried not to look in the mirror because when I glanced in it earlier, the person that had been staring out looked about ten years older than she should have been, and she look like she had the shit beat out of her.

Rosalie left ointment and wound pads on the counter and I fixed them up myself, re-wrapping them. I dressed in the clothes Rosalie had left. A matching black pair of silky underwear with a bra. A long-sleeved, hunter green, stretch cotton t-shirt that fit well, and a black pair of yoga pants. I opened the door and walked out.

Emmett had joined Jasper on the balcony, and Rosalie was sitting on the couch looking at them. Carlisle got up and gave me his seat at the table. I didn't think I could eat, but I managed to down some scrambled eggs and toast. As I ate, Jasper and Emmett came in off the balcony. When I was finished, I put the lid on the top of the plate and pushed it away.

Every little mundane step I took made me want to scream.

Jasper walked over, looking at the plate first and then looked at me, his face stoic.

"Finished?"

"Yes, thank you. It was very good." But I couldn't taste anything.

He smiled. "Liar. Come on. Let's get this over with." He assisted me in standing, then he looked at me, probably feeling my trepidation and nervousness. He grabbed my hand, led me to the couch, and sat down at the end. He pulled me down right next to him.

Carlisle was sitting in chair directly across from me, and he smiled. "Bella, have you given any thought to our request? Will you stay with us and be a part of our family?"

I could feel all eyes on me and I looked down. I was nervous. I swallowed. "I want to stay with you all. I need help. I feel like I can't even function. If you'll have me, I would like to stay."

Esme was squeezed in next to me and kissed me on the cheek. "We will always have you, Bella. We love you. Thank you. Thank you for wanting to stay." She nuzzled my face.

They all seemed to sigh at the same time, except for Jasper. I looked up at him and he was trying to contain a grin. "I already knew what your decision was. I just didn't say anything. I let them sweat it out...if they could, that is."

"Funny, Jasper," Rosalie glowered at him.

Carlisle started. "Alright. There's more, Bella. We need to put Victoria back into the equation, so to speak. Jasper will tell you the ugly details later. You've had too much to process already, but we want you to know how serious we are about wanting you as a member of our family." Carlisle paused and purposely gave me a pointed look.

"With Victoria possibly creating an army to kill all of us, we needed to call in some help. I called my friend Aro. Do you remember Edward telling you about my time in Italy?"

"Yes. He was one of those other vampires in that painting in your office. The Volturi, right?"

He smiled. "Yes. Well, we called to see if he would send us some help. Of course, we had to tell him why we're in such a situation. In my previous dealings with Aro and his brothers, I've always found it to be beneficial not to hide information from them. They don't take too kindly to being deceived. Anyways, I had to tell them about you and Edward. Your relationship. And, the events that led up to my calling them. Bella, there is a cardinal rule, you see, that we as vampires are expected to follow."

"You're talking about not revealing yourselves to humans, right?"

Everyone looked at me a little surprised. I couldn't understand why. I might have been blaming myself for Charlie's death, but it didn't mean I wasn't capable of spreading that shit around to those who were also responsible. That fucking bitch Victoria needed to die, and as quickly as possible. So they had my full attention.

"Exactly. Well, Aro is sending us help for our problem, which is good. But, we need to tell you that after he heard about your and Edward's relationship, we were given an ultimatum of sorts. Bella, if you choose to stay human, you can never leave this family again. You will have to stay with us for the rest of your life. If you choose to leave, you will be killed. And so would we."

Maybe that should have shocked me, but it didn't. I figured it out almost right away.

"Wait just a damn minute. If I choose to leave, I will be killed, as well as you? And you knew this before I made my decision to stay? Why would you do that? Why would you give me a choice, when there really wasn't one to begin with?"

"We would have forced you to stay if you would have said no. But we didn't want you to think that was the reason we wanted you to stay. We're not dumb, we know exactly what you would have thought. The thing is, we love you. And we would die for you, as you would for us," Emmett answered.

I heard Emmett, but I was also thinking back to what Carlisle had said.

_"If you choose to stay human."_

Did that mean what I thought it meant? Before I could ask, Jasper spoke up.

"Carlisle, now might be the time to tell her the rest." I looked up at him and he gave me a knowing look.

Carlisle sighed. "Alright. Bella, you have another choice. There is a way that you could leave this family if you no longer desired to live with us. But we would hope you would never feel that way. I know you wanted to be with Edward forever, and you offered to change for him. We know his reasons for turning you down. That has nothing to do with this now. You're a member of this family. We will love you no matter what you choose, and the choice is only yours to make, my dear.

"You can stay human. We'll protect you and keep you safe. We all will. Or, if you choose to be changed, and I'll be happy to make that happen for you. But you need to understand this isn't something that has a time limit on it, Bella. This isn't something I want you to agree to right away. The situation is now different. I want you to get all the facts first. I want you to know what you will be gaining, but you need to know what you'll be losing. I want you to spend some time on this."

_Wow_. I didn't even know what to do with this piece of information. I stored away because I couldn't possibly even think about it. I had an automatic reaction, though, and I almost yelled it out, but everything was different.

Carlisle was right. I needed to spend some time on this. I would.

"I understand. I'll do just that."

He smiled at me, got up out of his chair, and came over. He leaned down and kissed me on the cheek and pulled me into a hug. Esme did the same. I was a little overwhelmed because Emmett followed suit, along with his beautiful wife. It must have showed on my face because she laughed a little bit as she pulled away.

And Jasper was irritated again.

"Jesus Christ, you're all smothering her. Come on, let's get you some air." I looked at the faces around me, most of them were glaring at Jasper.

Jasper stood up from the couch, and pulled me up kind of roughly. He gave me an apologetic look. Rosalie had flitted away and was back with my slippers that Jasper had bought. I slipped them on my feet. We walked out the sliding glass door to the balcony.

I leaned on the rail next to Jasper and looked around. I could hear lots of geese not far off, as well as owl calls. It was cool and crisp, but nice, and the mountains were beautiful.

No wind moved. It was so quiet and it was comfortable. I felt oddly at peace. I felt... enlivened.

"Are you doing that?" I asked.

I looked over at Jasper and he kept looking up at the sky, looking at the trees, or to the ground. His expression on his face was one of slight guilt.

"I thought you needed a break. I know I did. The uneasiness and the anxiety coming from you reminded me of something."

I sighed, and I thought that maybe I shouldn't refuse his influence. It didn't make me forget, but it was a comfort.

"I know they all mean well. I do love them, but I feel awkward. I've gone from losing everything I've ever known to a newly acquired instant family. I'm scared. I'm scared that I am losing my grip on reality and self-control. Or maybe I've already lost it," I paused. I was tired of talking about me.

"What did it remind you of?"

Jasper laughed under his breath and smiled.

"It reminded me of when I first met all of them. I was a little uneasy about how openly affectionate they all are. I came from an entirely different way of life and we didn't discuss how much we loved each other, or show it. Esme scared the shit out me the very first time she ever pulled me into a hug. I was just about to rip her head off when I realized what she was doing."

He smiled at the memory, staring down at the ground below.

"Where did you come from, Jasper?" I asked.

Jasper was looking out towards the forest. I could only see his profile, but I could see that his face had tensed. He started rubbing his fingers down the palm of his left hand.

He was quiet. "That's another story for another time. Chances are, Bella, the awkwardness won't go away real soon. As for your fear, all you need is time. Time to grieve for the loss of your family, and your life. You will never forget any of this. You'll always feel the pain, but in time you'll get yourself back. You've never put yourself first, and now's the time to start."

_Time heals all wounds for your kind._

I remembered those words that Edward had spoken. More bullshit. The wounds might get better in time, but they would never fully heal. In time, I would learn to deal with pain, and work around it. But, I would never forget any of this. Ever.

It was quiet again. Peaceful. All my worries seemed to dull, and I appreciated the chilly night. Minutes flew by. I didn't feel uncomfortable in the silence with Jasper. I felt comforted.

Jasper.

"Do you want me to stop?" He asked quietly.

"No."

It was around eight in the morning and we were getting ready to leave to go shopping before we went to Peter and Charlotte's place. I managed to get a new pair of tennis shoes on my feet, but I couldn't bend my right foot. I was packing the pajamas I had worn from earlier in my new bag in the bedroom when someone knocked on the door.

"Bella, can you get that, please?" Jasper asked. He was repacking his own bag, after taking a shower. There were three Cullen's in the living room, all of them hiding a smile.

I limped and stumbled my way to the door, silently wondering why none of them got up to get the door. On the other side was a delivery man with a large envelope. I signed for the envelope and closed the door. I looked at the label and it was addressed to Jasper at the hotel's address.

Jasper had walked over to me as I was handing him the envelope. He opened it up and took out two files. He kept one for himself and handed me the other.

He gave me a guarded smile, but he seemed to be anticipating something. In his usual quiet voice he said, "Happy Birthday, Bella."

I gave him a curious look. He walked away into the bedroom. I went over to the table and sat down. I opened the contents and found a passport, a birth certificate, a social security card, four credit cards, a debit card, and a checkbook. I looked at the birth certificate first.

There, listed on the birth certificate, was the name of Isabella Marie Hale. She was born on September 17, 1988. She was born in Forks. _Hale_. I cried, but I was happy.


	16. Chapter 16 The Sawtooth Express

Chapter 16. The Sawtooth Express

**%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%**

***J*A*S*P*E*R***

I fucking hated waiting. And paper cuts. Mostly I hated waiting. And I hated it because I sat in a leather chair in the lobby of a Chevy dealership in Boise, and contemplated a little 5ft 4in blond behind the reception counter who smelled like peaches and nutmeg; which smelled really fucking great as it roared through her arteries like water through a barrage.

I would have loved some peach cobbler. I was a southern man. What kind of fucked up southern gentleman wouldn't love peach cobbler?

And I hated paper cuts because she was purposely looking at me like she _wanted_ to run her goddamn index finger down the edge of the stack of papers she was handling, and that just fucked me up.

_That's not peach cobbler, so stay the fuck away from it. _

The desire roared down my spine and through my ears until the point I was almost deaf. I got up and decided to wait outside.

Carlisle was with a leech of a salesman, finalizing the sale of two brand new Chevy Trailblazers, each with a Vortec 5.3-liter V8. And Carlisle was aggravated with me. One reason was because had wanted to check out the Mercedes dealership, but we needed power and reliability. Mercedes wasn't a company that produced vehicles for off road-conditions. The second reason was because his first choice was a Suburban, but the thing was just too goddamn big.

Peter had told me a couple of the trails we would have to drive on were pretty narrow and treacherous, and not to get anything bigger than a mid-size truck or SUV. I told Carlisle to go ahead and buy the Suburban. Emmett and I would gladly point and laugh and call him a stupid motherfucker when he and Esme went tumbling over the mountain.

Cullens and their fucking cars.

Emmett was across the street at a car wash, getting Carlisle's Mercedes prepped for storage. Esme, Rosalie, and Bella were down the street at a mall. They still had to go grocery shopping, but they were waiting until we got the cars bought. I didn't want them too far away from us. We hadn't sensed or smelled any vampires in the area, but I wanted to play it on the safe side.

Carlisle met them at the grocery store while Emmett and I transferred belongings over to the new SUV's. After Carlisle's and Rosalie's cars were stored, and the shopping done, we were finally ready to leave for Peter's. We had about seventy-five miles to drive, and forty miles of that were on mountain trails.

The girls showed up at the storage garage for the cars and unloaded bags of clothes, cookware, groceries, and more clothes. Bella was exasperated, tired, and sore. Her grief still palpable. Rosalie told me quietly that she was a little uneasy from all the stares she received from other people as they shopped, because her face and neck were still marred with bruises, along with the scrapes and cuts.

We loaded up the new cars and Emmett's Jeep. I asked Bella to ride with me.

We were by Idaho City on Highway Twenty-One when she finally talked. Bella had been quiet and putting out mixed emotions. She was curious, content, thrilled, woeful, nervous, amazed, happy, grieving...It was never just one emotion or the other, and they overlapped. If I hadn't known she was human, she could almost be mistaken for a vampire, just because her mind seemed to be processing things at an alarming rate.

Christ, she had me curious. I kept quiet, though, until she was ready to talk. I knew when I need space, and I think she needed it. The thing was though, it was starting to become awkward. She was curious, pensive, and reluctant when she finally did.

"Jasper, how could you even want me to ride with you? Do you want to stop and have me ride with Carlisle and Esme? I kn...I know my blood is probably bothering you," she stammered.

"I'm fine. I wanted you to ride with me. You better take the space while you can, you know. Once we get settled you'll probably be smothered with all sorts of sappy shit from the maternal and paternal sides that are Carlisle and Esme."

Bella laughed quietly as she looked down at her hands in her lap. She looked back up and out the front of the windshield. I answered the other half of her statement.

"As far as the blood lust is concerned...You don't affect me anymore like you have in the past. I think it's because I care about you more than ever. You do smell _really_ good, but you ain't fucking peach cobbler. I would love some peach cobber. So stop worrying about me and enjoy the fucking scenery."

That got me a real laugh from her, and she relaxed. She was always worrying about everyone else rather than herself. It was an endearing quality about her.

She looked out the side window and said. "I'm sorry, I can't help it. I'm a little worried that this will be too hard for you, and I don't want that. Everything is just happening so fast, but at the same time, these have been some of the longest days of my life. It's easier thinking about someone else than it is thinking about...me," she paused, because she started to get emotional. She choked it back.

"I'm trying to look at the bright side, but then I get sucked back into the thoughts of everything that is now gone. I'm an emotional clusterfuck. I feel useless. I feel old."

"You look old," I told her. I wanted to inspire that fight in her.

Her jaw dropped open, but there was a smile in it, because she didn't expect me to say that.

"You, asshole," she said, with amused astonishment.

It was another opener. She made it too easy. I gave her the same look.

"This coming from the woman who told me to watch _my_ mouth? You know, you already contradicted yourself the other day, and now you're doing it again. You'll forever be famous in my book for that wonderful opportunity-opener that you gave me when you uttered that beautiful phrase to Victoria. What was it? Oh yeah, '_Go fuck yourself, Victoria.'_ Yeah, that was it."

She giggled. I was driving and looking out the windshield, but I could see the flush creep up into her cheeks.

"Well, I _was_ about to die, or so I thought. I was just trying to get things moving. You vampires are really dramatic, you know?" She said, still amused.

_Don't we know it_.

"Not me. I'm not one for theatrics. I tend to react to the act, and react quick. I leave the drama to the likes of James, Victoria, or Edward."

_Insert foot in mouth, you dick._

"Nice, you dumb fuck," Rosalie said in the Jeep behind me.

I was speechless. It wasn't thought out, at all. She was thoughtful for a moment, a slight pang of hurt emanating. But she was also emitting feelings of acknowledgment. She nodded to herself, a little.

"I am thankful that you reacted. Have I told you 'thank you' for saving my life yet?" She turned and smiled a little.

"You have. And, I felt it that night, too. You're very welcome. I didn't mean to bring Edward up. That was...messed up. I apologize."

She gave me a slight smile, her eyes starting to get glassy.

"Jasper, don't. You're right. Edward was, or is, dramatic. Don't worry about offending me just because you mention his name. I guess a part of me will always love him, and I do miss him; but losing him in no way compares to losing my parents. While I am still hurt by his abruptness and I resent him for the way he ended our relationship, I know I'll never want or seek that type of love from him ever again. I just worry about how he'll react when he finds out I'm a part of this family now."

_Wow_.

"Don't you worry about how he will accept it. He doesn't have a choice. He'll have the choice of accepting it or leaving. And, it will be me, Rosalie, and Emmett that give him his choices. I'm afraid you'll just get to watch for that scenario."

She became frustrated within a second.

"But you see, that's exactly what I don't want. I don't want to come between your, Emmett's, and Rosalie's relationships with Edward, and that seems to have happened. You're his family, too, you can't..."

"Bella, you won't win this. Edward's gonna find out the hard way, just what he did. He is a part of this family, but so are you now. So am I. Fuck, you think that by his actions in ending your relationship with him, that you were the only one hurt? Did you even think about how much this family cared about you, and how much he hurt us wanting us to leave you? We all made a huge fucking mistake when we listened to him. He'll know the pain and hurt that he inflicted not only on you, but on all of us."

Emmett sounded flabbergasted behind us.

"Damn, Whitlock, you better tone it down and apologize. You're probably scaring the shit out of her."

Frustrated tears were falling, but she was not afraid.

"_Okay_. Alright. I understand. I just don't want anyone fighting. You're not going to hurt him, are you?"

"That's exactly what you don't need to worry about. We won't kill him, I promise."

"That's not the answer I was quite looking for, Jasper Hale," she said, and she was aggravated.

I chuckled evilly.

"Whitlock, Bella. Jasper Hale is the quiet, reserved, peaceful alter ego that you have come to know a little. Jasper Whitlock is the mean and ugly son of a bitch who doesn't put up with bullshit. I'm not a drama queen, but I can be an asshole," I paused. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you."

Bella had wiped her tears away as she acquiesced, but she was exasperated.

"Well, you might not be into drama, but you do suffer from some sort of bipolar disorder."

That was funny. I laughed.

"Bella, I am sorry. I didn't mean to upset you," I told her seriously.

"I know. You'll always be forgiven. But, is that coming from Hale, or Whitlock?" She was serious as she teased.

"Both." I answered.

We were both silent after that. She was feeling a little content; and, to be honest, I was putting out a little of the feeling. There was no way I could not, it was a beautiful drive.

We were passing through the park area of Sawtooth National Forest, the Snow-covered, jagged peaks of the Sawtooth were in the distance, and the mass amount of softwoods, cedars, spruces, and firs surrounded us. Truly magnificent. We both marveled in the beauty that was passed us by.

"It's really pretty up here," she said quietly as she gazed out the window.

"You're really gonna appreciate where we're going. When Peter bought this place, I came up to visit. It's really secluded, and the lodge is huge. They've put a lot of work into it. There's some hot springs to the west, there's a lake nearby, and the water is so clear up here that even you can see the bottom. Lot's of fish in that lake. It's beautiful."

Bella didn't say anything, but her grief was overriding the rest of her emotions again. She was also emitting peace, though, and she was really thoughtful.

I wasn't curious one bit.

"What are you thinking about?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "Charlie. He would have liked it. My dad loved to fish. He asked me last month to go with him. We..had a great time. I'll miss that. I'll miss cooking his fish."

"Jasper, take her fishing! You know how!" Esme yelled as Carlisle cursed.

"I will. I'd love to," I answered.

"What?" Bella was confused.

"Esme told me what I was already thinking. I used to fish. I'd love to take you. It won't be the same as with your father. But it'll give us something to do."

She laughed, surprised. "That would be nice. When did you used to fish?"

"Years back. Decades ago, when we were in Canada. One of the human memories I retained was of my father taking me when I was a boy. Anyways, I saw some humans fishing on a lake. It was something to do, really. It took me out of my element, that's for sure. I um..would catch and release, of course. But, it helped relax me. It helped me not think of wanting to go and slaughter the nearby townsfolk."

_Nice._

Bella's eyes shot over into my direction, and she had a blank look on her face. In a way, she was absolutely beautiful, even if she was all fucked up.

"You know, there might have been a time when a statement like that would of shocked me, but I can understand your point. Fishing is relaxing."

"You know how I said earlier that you looked old?" I asked.

An expectant, aggravated look shot across her face. "Yeah?"

"Well, I didn't mean for it to sound so bad. I can see the grief and loss in your eyes. But, I can also now see knowledge and acceptance in them also. You look older in the sense that it reflects out of you; and it makes you look more mature. More beautiful."

Bella smiled, looked out and then down, her face flushing. She was a little taken aback.

"Thank you," she said, quietly.

"You're welcome." I tried to say it indifferently, and failed.

_Well, now..._

We had started our treacherous journey up one of the mountain trails. It was steep, and the trail was narrow and very bumpy. The edge of the cliff that we were on had about a two hundred foot drop to the bottom. Bella was frightened, and bordering on hysterically frightened, but she sucked it up.

So was Esme. The woman had no clue that she would still survive even if Carlisle's expressive driving skills at speeds no one should fucking take should plunge them over the cliff. Carlisle was going to get his ass kicked later. I was laughing my ass off and I kept Bella attuned to the going on in the car. She felt sorry for Esme.

We were coming off the mountain when I pointed out where we were going. She wasn't able to see the house, but she could see the small valley that was completely surrounded by mountains. We could see the Salmon River and the lake to the north, and the barren jagged peaks of the Sawtooth to the east. Bella's fear was quickly replaced with relief and astonishment.

We were on a small, dirt path, weaving in and out of the trees when we finally arrived. I pulled up next to the expansive garage that Peter had built on to the lodge. I got out just as he came out the double-door side. I flitted over to Bella's door, opened it, and helped her get out. The others quickly took place beside her.

Peter and I were not related, but the resemblance was uncanny. He flitted over with a smile on his face, and he was clearly up to no good. Peter's just always had that way about him when he was feeling mischievous.

"Goddamn, look at you. You haven't changed a bit." He laughed. I had missed his tenor.

"Neither have you. Immortality still suits you well." I jutted my chin out at him, we hugged real quick like, and I slapped him on the back, because we were manly men. We stepped away and I turned to introduce the family.

"Peter, this is Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett."

They all nodded, Rosalie and Esme were a little nervous, but it was to be expected. Peter walked up and shook hands with Carlisle and Emmett, and he gave welcoming smiles to the ladies.

Bella was standing slightly behind Emmett, a little nervous. I knew she was more worried about the fact that he would not like her, and not worrying about the fact that he might have wanted to eat her. I walked over and took her hand and pulled her forward.

"Peter, this is Bella. She's worried you won't like her." I said, earning a glare from Bella.

Peter walked up and stood in front of her. He looked at her curiously, his face lit up in a half-smile. He glanced at me and then looked back down to Bella.

"May I?" He maneuvered for her free hand. Bella lifted it up to his, and he took it and slowly brought it up, placing a light kiss on it. He kept a hold of it as he brought in down between them.

The bastard was up to no good.

"What's not to like? You smell great." He was flirting with her with his eyes and his smile.

"Yeah, I get that a lot from you bloodsuckers." She told him. Truth be told she was a little taken aback by him, because he was a pretty good looking guy.

Peter laughed. The rest of the family seemed a little fearful for Bella. Except for Emmett. He was feeling a little protective. We both were.

"Seriously, It's very nice to meet you and welcome you to our home. You'll be safe here and we'll let nothing harm you. Even us. Jasper has had nothing but good things to say about you." Peter was sincere as he glanced at me. Bella relaxed.

The side door opened and out came Charlotte. Charlotte hadn't changed, either. Long and pale blond hair caught in the breeze as she flitted down.

Charlotte was the quiet type until you got to know her, and she did not like to be handled by those other than her husband. But, the woman was clearly up to no good, just like her dick of a husband.

Charlotte walked up directly to Peter's side and took his free hand. She nodded at the others as Peter introduced her to them. Then he got to Bella and I.

"Look, Charlotte, it's Jasper," he said with anticipation.

"Hello, Jasper. So glad to see you again. And look, you've brought your own dinner."


	17. Chapter 17 Deteriorated

Chapter 17. Deteriorated

**AN: Some new material in this chapter, for those of you who have read and are following along again.**

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***B*E*L*L*A***

_Did she just call me 'dinner'?_

Yes, she did. But even though I felt Jasper tense beside me, and her face gave nothing away, I thought she was kidding. She just had that look about her.

Charlotte was beautiful, too. She was slightly taller than me - about five foot five. She was voluptuous, and she had a small waist. Her long, pale blond hair was thick and it had a slight wave at the ends. Her forehead seemed long from her hairline to her eyes, and she had thin eyebrows, which she darkened with a brow liner. Her eyes were heavily made up - charcoal colored lids, black eyeliner above and below each lid, and thick mascara. And crimson eyes.

_That_ was the scary part. Her nose was straight and very thin, and she had perfectly plump lips. Her cheekbones stood out prominently, and she had a defined jaw. Was there any of them who are not gorgeous?

Emmett had walked up and was now standing on my other side. Jasper was still holding my left hand and Peter was still holding my right. Jasper had tensed quickly, but he relaxed just as fast.

"Funny, Charlotte. I hope you both have had your fun, but if you keep fucking with her, I'm gonna kick some ass. She's been through hell these past few hours, so cut her a fucking break," Jasper was pissed.

Charlotte looked hurt by Jasper's words, but she looked at him with understanding and quickly made peace. Her voice was strange, anyways. It was not the normal soprano bell-like voice like Esme's or Rosalie's. It was deeper, and the bell sounded like...a cowbell.

"Of course, Jasper. I apologize. I was only joking. I don't want you or her to be uncomfortable." She seemed a little solemn. She looked at me apologetically.

"Bella, I'm sorry if I frightened you with my lack of good grace. I'm Charlotte and it's a pleasure to meet you. I don't get to know very many humans, as I'm sure you understand." She spoke formally, but she sounded honest.

"No need to apologize, Charlotte. I thought you were kidding and it _was_ funny. Jasper's just being protective of my deteriorated state, I guess." I shot him a look of aggravation. He didn't need to be so rude to her.

Jasper looked at me guiltily, as he _should_ look. I knew I was a mess, but if the conversation in the car hadn't clued him in, I was still capable of seeing an attempt at humor. I turned away from him and smiled back at both Peter and Charlotte.

"A lot has happened since I've last talked to you. I'd like to get Bella to a bed. She could use a nap," Jasper told them.

_What the hell?_

I snapped my neck over a little too fast to glare at him, and he cut me off before I could even unload on that bullshit.

"Bella, don't argue. You've been drowsy ever since we left Boise. Just take a nap, for Christ's sake. Then you can wake up and give me all the shit you want."

I looked away... from all of them. He didn't need to treat me like some kid. I tried to jerk my hand out of his but he didn't let go, so I tried again and finally he _let_ go. Charlotte must have sensed something was a-brewing and she quickly interceded.

"Sure, I'll show her to her room. Bella, let me show you around the house. Esme and Rosalie, too. I'd like to get your input on what Peter and I have done." She was looking at me with pleading eyes, and slightly nodding.

I didn't answer, but Esme did.

"Yes, I think that would be a good idea. Right about now."

Charlotte took my free hand, and she pulled me away with her. Peter finally released my left hand, and he gave me a wink. We started walking around to the front of the house. Esme and Rosalie followed behind, but Rosalie wasn't going to go in without a word. Or a few.

"Why don't you boys bring all the crap in while we take a look around. Jasper, you're pretty goddamn good at giving orders, I think you can handle one yourself."

There was no response.

I had noticed the house as we drove in. It was huge. I guess it had to be, for an old ski lodge. It was a two story. The bottom half was almost complete glass, and a huge deck with a rail went along the entire front of the house. The second story had a walkout balcony, and it ran around the whole perimeter of the house. The exterior was aged dark wood, but it still retained its natural beauty. The front yard was a meadow. It was round, and probably the size of two football fields before the tree line. The front of the house faced the east and I could see the inlet of a clear lake off to the north. It was very quiet and beautiful.

We walked up to the main doors. They were huge and they looked heavy. Charlotte easily opened one and we walked into the house. She was still holding my hand and she was smiling at the look on my face. I couldn't help it... It was just so beautiful. Jasper the overbearing prick was temporarily forgotten.

The inside was just as impressive as the outside. The entire first floor was completely open, except for the back of the house. What was probably the old lobby of the lodge was now just a huge open space. There were brick pillars scattered about, holding up the second floor. The main area had two separate sitting areas. One had a dark brown suede sectional with a chaise lounge made of the same material. There was also what looked like an antique coffee table that was low, long, and wide. The other area, which was off to the right of the doors, was of a lighter tone, with one long couch and two chairs with ottomans in front of them. The floors were an aged dark wood - darker than the exterior of the house. The walls...well...

_O__h, my God_.

The walls were covered in wood, as well, but lighter than the floor, and there was a taxidermist's dream covering most of them.

On the walls, in no particular fashion, were stuffed heads and antlers of deer, elk, moose, fox, wolf, and a huge grizzly bear head. It was a hunter's dream home. I looked over at Esme and Rosalie who looked just a little bit horrified. I couldn't contain my excitement and laughter.

"Oh, my God, Charlotte, it's wonderful!" I laughed out, and my voice echoed through the house. I was still looking at Esme's and Rosalie's faces. This was definitely not my vegetarian family's idea of a dream home.

Charlotte had been looking at their speechless faces, too, as she smiled and laughed lightly.

"Well, it's wonderful for Peter. Believe me, this is _not_ my ideal home. Mine is in New Mexico and I clearly have better fucking taste. Peter used to hunt when he was a boy with his father, and he always wanted a place like this. I love him enough to live here for a portion of any given year before we either go back to New Mexico or travel. I've redone the rooms upstairs, so it's not like this, at all."

On the right side, behind the living room area, was a huge curving staircase going upstairs, with wide steps, a wooden rail, and bannister on one side.

Charlotte took us to the back of the house first to show me the guest bathroom and the kitchen. The kitchen was huge, and its cupboards were a dark wood.. They had a chef's stove, a double-door refrigerator, and a dishwasher located near the double sink. The counters were of a rustic-colored Formica, which went well with the cupboards. There was a center island with six high, wooden bar chairs around it.

We went upstairs, and the hallway on each side was wide. The doors were closed to all of the rooms, and at the end of the hallway to the right was a set of double doors. Charlotte took us there first, bypassing everything else. She talked to Esme about color schemes, and things like that. The floors up here were carpeted in a thick, dark brown. She opened the doors to a library that probably rivaled the Cullens' house in Forks. There was a light brown leather couch in the center, and two end tables with lamps on them. Two computers sat on desks by the north windows.

We left the library and Charlotte took us down the hall to the other side of the staircase. Various paintings were scattered on the walls, Some looked very old and were probably priceless. She took us to the end of the hall and opened the door on the left side.

"Bella, this will be yours. Besides the bathroom downstairs, this is the only room that has plumbing for the toilet, which you'll need." She laughed. "We took the other plumbing out of the house when we remodeled, except for the kitchen, bathtubs, and showers. We were going to take them all out, but you never know, we could always have a...visitor of the human variety. We don't hunt in this area. We sometimes need to visit the town nearby for things."

I was hesitant, but I asked anyway.

"Can I ask how you do that? I mean, where do you hunt? How do you go about that?"

She smiled and thought for a second. "We hunt in random places far away from this place. Sometimes we'll go to Boise, but we tend to hit the bigger cities like Calgary, or Coeur d'Alene, or Spokane. We hunt the smaller towns like Missoula, or we go over to Oregon or Wyoming. We tend to take our...pick...out of the less than desirable stock. You know, people who won't be missed - derelicts, drug addicts... But, sometimes, we just need to take what we desire. We don't like what we are, but we don't really have a choice."

I smiled at her. They had a choice. They could be vegetarians like the Cullens, but part of me understood that it took a determined frame of mind and a desire not to harm people. It was their nature - their way of life. They didn't ask to be what they are, but that still didn't mean this wasn't an awkward situation for me to be in.

_These_ vampires, however, were not like the nomads I had encountered months ago. James and his coven, no doubt, took what they wanted with no regard to who they were taking. It was just blood. Charlotte seemed civilized compared to them.

The room - _my room_ - was beautiful. What probably used to be two rooms was now one. There was a cream-colored area rug upon which the queen size bed sat, and the floor was a dark hardwood. The walls were white, and there were paintings hung around the room with antique wall sconces surrounding them. There was a set of sliding glass doors, and they led to the outside balcony. The drapes were a light blue with sheers hanging underneath. The bed was accented with a blue floral duvet, and loaded with pillows. The head board and foot board were a very ornate, carved wood, and there was black metal scroll work with flower bursts on the ends. There was a matching six-drawer dresser and a large three-drawer nightstand. A white chaise lounge sat off to the south side of the room in front of a fireplace, inside of which a small fire was burning, and there was a huge flat screen TV on a wood stand by the lounge.

The bathroom was huge. It had a separate garden bath and a large squared shower with a glass door. The vanity was large and held two sinks with a large, lighted mirror. It was also done in white and light blue.

Charlotte, Esme, and Rosalie left me to explore and to relax, and I used the opportunity to look around the room a little bit more. The closet next to the bathroom was a walk-in.

I used to find rooms like this intimidating, but not this one. It felt comfortable and I just loved it. There was a blue throw draped over the foot board of the bed. I grabbed it and went over to the lounge. I took my shoes off carefully and I sank down into the chaise. The TV remote was on a table by the lounge, and I grabbed it and turned it on, flipping through the movie channels. I stopped on that movie What Dreams May Come, which perhaps wasn't the best idea. It wasn't five minutes before I was crying, and missing my dad. I tried to imagine that Charlie was up in his own heaven, fishing on a boat in his own lake.

I fell asleep soon after the daughter revealed herself. I dreamed I was running in the forest, but I wasn't running — I was on a vampire's back. I used to have this dream. When I would open my eyes, I would see Edward's bronze hair blowing up. This time, though, the hair was slightly longer, and it was honey blond.

I woke up thirsty as hell. According to the clock on the wall, I had managed to sleep for a couple hours. It was a struggle to stand up and stretch. At some point, someone had come in and put my bag on the bed, along with all of this morning's shopping. I began to unpack and I filled the dresser with my new clothes, as well as the closet. My bunny was on the bed, too, and I sat him on the nightstand. We had bought a few packages of toilet paper, along with soaps, hair care stuff, razors - all the stuff a girl would need - and I started filling up the cupboard underneath the bathroom sinks.

I was getting up off the bathroom floor after I had it all rearranged when I rose up and glanced in the mirror, to another face besides my own. It took a second for the face to register but all the while my breath had caught and I nearly screamed. My heart took off.

"Jesus, what the hell are you doing!?"

Jasper was a little taken aback. His face fell as he realized his mistake.

"Sorry. I came up here to see what you were up to," he retreated out of the bathroom.

I was irritated as hell and still trying to get a hold of my faculties. I wasn't up for any surprises, or any goddamn vampires invading my bathroom space. _Again_.

"I'm putting my stuff away. You could have knocked," I told him, as I followed him out.

He walked in with his hands in his jean pockets and he looked around. He didn't say anything. He turned back to me. His face was stoic. Jasper just seemed to have an attitude, and the atmosphere just seemed...standoffish.

"So, you like your room?" He didn't seem to care how I answered.

"Yes, it's really nice. Charlotte is wonderful," I answered with an edge to my voice. He could apologize at any time. Not for the bathroom incident, just for generally being an asshole.

"Look, Bella, I know you don't like being told what to do, but I was only in the car with you for the past few hours and I knew you were tired. As for Charlotte's remark, I don't care if she _was_ joking. Nobody's going to refer to you as dinner."

"Well, that's one hell of an apology,Whitlock. You know, I seem to remember a couple days ago you trying to take a snap out of me because you thought I was your fucking dinner."

_Oh, God._

I was already kicking myself internally when I finished that sentence. Jasper's face fell from its blank facade, and his eyes with it.

Hurt. It was written all over his beautiful face. He didn't say anything, and he turned around and flitted out the door.

"Oh, God, Jasper, wait!"

Five minutes later, I was sitting in the middle of the bed when Rosalie entered. She came and sat beside me, wiping away my tears with her shirt's sleeve. She looked at me with compassion, but she didn't say anything.

"You heard?" I asked.

She grimaced a little. "We all did."

"Jesus, Rosalie. How could I say that to him? That wasn't fair of me at all. I hurt him with that. I saw it," I told her.

She rubbed my back in measure of comfort. "It was more than fair. He came up here with his version of an apology _and_ with his attitude. Nobody would blame you for snapping at him. Even he knows he deserved it."

"Rosalie, I never blamed him for the accident at the birthday party. I still don't. He didn't deserve that. God, I'm such a bitch. It was completely my fault," I cried.

Rosalie sighed and shook her head. "Bella, you both are trying to take the blame for something that was out of your control. You both need to stop kicking yourself in the ass. Maybe Jasper didn't deserve those words, but he needed his attitude shoved right back at him."

I sighed and thought for a moment. "What do I do?"

Rosalie smiled. "Nothing for now. Jasper came downstairs and asked me to make sure you were okay. His feelings were hurt, but he knows he crossed a line. He was pacing around while you slept, getting himself more worked up because he knew you were upset with him. Emmett and Carlisle have gone hunting with him. They'll be back in a few hours."

She paused, but she looked like she wanted to say something else.

"What?" I asked.

She sighed. "Try to remember that he's at a loss in this mess, too. His mate of many years left him with no warning, and he did almost kill you before that. You don't know how bad those two things have affected him. I think with everything that's happened, he's been too preoccupied to think about Alice much. He cares about you and he's feeling very protective of you right now. We all are. He just doesn't want you to take anymore hits. So try to cut him a little slack." She smiled softly.

I gave her a smile back. "You love him."

Rosalie gave me a mock look of horror. "Christ, don't tell _him_ that, it'll go to his head. I have a reputation as the family bitch to uphold, you know. Besides, he wouldn't believe it anyway. Come on, Esme made you some dinner. Charlotte and Peter are curious. They want you to describe how everything tastes to them. It'll give you something to do."

It was actually kind of a game I used to play with all of them. While I ate, I would try to describe what I was eating to them in detail - textures, salty, sweet, tangy... that sort of thing. I remember Rosalie seemed to remember the taste of a strawberry after I told her what I thought of it. It was the only time, before all of this happened, that she gave me some sort of a smile.

Jasper's was a peach. The fuzz brushing against my lips, and a tsunami of juiciness with just the right amount of sweet and tart. Edward had once told me that even though their human memories fade, food was one of the things they missed the most.

Peter and Charlotte both found it interesting, but their faces were all contorted from the smell. It helped to pass the time.

After dinner, Peter and Charlotte showed me the rest of the house. In the corridor, leading to the library, was Esme and Carlisle's room. It was just as beautiful as mine, and it was done in white and shades of green. Rosalie and Emmett's room was done in white and shades of red. Off of the staircase, towards the middle, was Peter and Charlotte's room, done in white and black. It was the most impressive in size, and the bed was huge and round. Jasper's was next to mine, done in white and lavender.

While we walked around, I asked Peter and Charlotte how they knew Jasper. They both looked apprehensive and they grew tense. The only response that I got was from Peter, who said they had all worked together at one point a very long time ago.

He quickly changed the subject to the computers in the library, telling me I was welcome to use them at any time. I got to thinking about how guarded and nervous Jasper had been when I'd asked him where he came from. It made me think that perhaps he told them not to tell me anything. I tried not to be angry at this assumption, but it was irritating to be left in the dark.

I sat with all of them in the largest of the family areas. Both of them had given me their condolences on the loss of my father. I thanked them, and Peter struck up a conversation with me while the others started to talk about places they had been to and would like to visit. I had been looking at the stuffed macabre that layered the walls, and looking out the window.

Peter told me stories of hunting as a boy and as a vampire. He was very proud of his collection. Peter loved Idaho — the area we were in particularly—and he told me about the nearby lakes, hot springs, and the caverns.

Peter's eyes were a darker crimson, and they fit him, because he was kind. His looks were similar to Jasper's, but both had different characteristics. I thought he looked older than Jasper. I asked Peter how old he was when he was changed, and he said he was twenty four. Charlotte was nineteen. Both had changed the subject again after I had asked.

My glass of iced tea, which I had brought along after dinner, sat empty on the coffee table. I excused myself for a moment while Charlotte and Peter talked to Rosalie and Esme about their house in New Mexico.

When I stood up, I stood up too fast, and I wobbled. My legs were incredibly stiff and I felt unbalanced. The air was thicker up in the mountains, even without it being night time, and all my injuries, aches, and pains were taking their toll. Esme, of course, was worried and she nearly jumped up when I tottered back and forth on my feet. After reassuring her that I was fine, and that I was just stiff, I slowly made my way to the kitchen with my empty glass. I was still thirsty, and wanted another glass.

I filled my glass with ice, and sat it on the counter while I retrieved the pitcher out of the fridge. All the while, I was thinking about Jasper and the conversation that we would need to have. My earlier words weighed heavily on my mind, and I just wanted to take them back. Actually, I wanted to take a lot of things back.

I filled my glass and returned the pitcher back to refrigerator. I shut the door to the fridge and turned around.

I was not alone.

I jumped completely out of my skin and let out a yelp. Peter was standing by the center island, his arms down at his sides. Quickly, though, he took a step back and put his hands up in a defensive manner.

"Ohhh, shit. Um...sorry about that. Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you," he said. He was half concerned and half smiling.

"Oh, God. It's...okay. It's okay," I breathed out heavily.

Peter chuckled, but then he grew quiet. He just stared at me. Neither of us said anything for a moment, and I thought he was waiting for me to say something. It was odd, but not completely uncomfortable.

He really did have some of the same physical characteristics as Jasper. Both were tall - 6'3" or 6'4" - but Peter was just slightly shorter, I thought. His hair was a little shorter, too, and it was brushed back more out of his face. His jaw was angular, and his lips were full. He was broad across the shoulders and he had thick arms - nothing that could compare to Emmett's, but his muscular structure seemed to fit his length. Just like Jasper's. His eyes, though a little frightening in their color, were soft and honest. He wore a pair of blue jeans and a red plaid long sleeve shirt, which buttoned up. He left the top three buttons undone, exposing a little of his chest. But he wasn't a sight for sore eyes.

His lips twitched and he raised his eyebrows. He still said nothing.

I asked, "So...um...what's up?" I really didn't know what else to say.

Peter stared at me for a moment. His smile lessened, and he looked at me with curiosity.

"You're worried about him. About Jasper," he said.

It was not a question, but a statement.

I was a little nervous as to where this was headed because it really was just between me and Jasper. I nodded a little. "Yes."

"Why?" he asked.

"Because I hurt him. I hurt his feelings," I answered.

"And what about yours?" Peter asked. He was shooting them out faster than I could think.

"What about mine?" I asked.

Peter shifted a step closer along the island. He looked down, as if in thought. "You're resilient. You like your space and your independence. You don't like to lean on others for comfort from your own...as you put it, 'deteriorated state'. Why is that, Bella?" he asked gently...quietly.

I thought about it for a moment. I grabbed my glass off the counter, and I took a long drink as I moved towards the end of the island. It was odd how he picked up on my idiosyncrasies, but some people _could_ pick up on things if they looked long enough.

However, it _felt_ very odd. But from his demeanor and his presence alone, I almost felt as if I could tell him anything.

"It's how I grew up, I guess. I mean, I had my parents, and my mother was most affectionate, but with Charlie... Charlie gave me lots of space, and I suppose that's because we weren't as close as I was with my mom. I...I feel weak. Physically and emotionally. I need...guidance right now, but I don't like being treated like I'm less than...um...like a child. It embarrasses me."

I was sure that what I'd said made no sense to him. It made no sense to _me_. I had admitted that I was basically fucked in both the head and the body. I needed someone to help me get through this because I felt like I was falling apart inside. At the same time, though, I didn't want to be coddled.

Peter interrupted my thoughts. "You're embarrassed because you have no control over yourself right now. You're embarrassed because you think Jasper and the Cullens think of you as weak because of that, and because you are...human. What you don't realize is that everything you feel and everything you experience is the exact same thing we feel and experience when we lose something special, like our humanity. Or, better yet, someone we love. We're frozen, Bella. And while we all have the ability to move on, we vampires are cursed to live with those moments we want to avoid and forget with perfect clarity. The memories never fade, and with them come the feelings, whatever they are. I say this to you because you're moving on and because it seems to me that you're doing this by trying to avoid grieving for your father's death. Until you grieve, you'll not be in control of _you. _You'll make snap decisions without fully thinking them through, and you'll only hurt yourself more in the process, as well as those around you," he said pointedly.

But he was wrong. He was _wrong_. "I am grieving for Char...my dad. I've cried a thousand tears already. I think...I think..."

Peter moved a step closer towards the end of the island, and he sighed. "You are grieving. I'm not saying that you aren't, but you're also clearly avoiding. A day's worth of tears and thoughts about your father are not enough to heal a lifetime's worth of memories. It doesn't matter if you were close to him or not throughout the years. I'll grant you the fact that I don't know you, and I really don't know anything about you and your father's relationship, but I know well enough to tell when someone's hurting. It's going to get harder before it gets better. When you least expect it, when things...have quieted, it's going to hit you. Don't alienate the loved ones you have now because you're embarrassed to _feel_. If there's anyone who understands what you're going through, it's them. It's us."

I was choking back the tears and swallowing constantly, straining to keep them from falling. I understood what he was saying, and maybe he was right, but maybe he was wrong, too.

"Okay." It was all I could think of to say.

Peter took another step forward until he was at the end of the island and almost in front of me. He smiled gently. "And don't worry about Jasper. Half his problem is that he thinks deep down you do blame him for everything that's happened, and there's nothing you or anyone else can say that will change that. He wants you to blame him because...it gives him something to strive for. It'll test and strengthen his control until he's all but perfected it. Deep down he wants to be better. So, let him think you do forgive him, when we both really know there was nothing to forgive."

I shook my head at him.

"But he shouldn't have to shoulder the guilt for something that wasn't his fault in the first place," I cried. My eyes betrayed me, and the tears flowed freely.

"It wasn't yours either," he said firmly, and his face turned slightly hard. "It was nobody's. It was an accident."

His face softened and he smiled, and he huffed out a short laugh. "Jasper was right, though, It _is_ an endearing quality about you. You really do worry about everyone else before worrying about yourself."

I looked at him, a little taken aback. "He...he said that?"

Peter shrugged his shoulders, smiling a little. "In a way. Don't tell him I said that, though. He'll kick my ass for running my mouth." Peter whispered pointedly, like it was a secret.

I smiled at him, laughing a little. However odd it was to be having this conversation with Peter, who barely knew me and whom I barely knew, it still made me feel...better.

"I won't. I promise."

Peter smiled at me and looked down at my hands, which were gripping the counter top. He tentatively moved his left hand up and slid it along the counter until his cold fingers covered the top of my hand, tapping it. I was a little nervous, and my heart jumped a little at the contact.

He chucked shortly under his breath as he looked at me. "So warm," he paused, "just like your heart, Bella," he said quietly.

Before I could ask him what he meant, Peter moved away and went to grab a wet paper towel and a couple of dry ones so I could fix my face. I had the feeling that he'd meant more than the fact that the blood pumping through my heart was a ringing of the dinner bell, but I let it go. According to Peter, I couldn't very well go walking back into the living room with a tear-stained face because his wife would beat the shit out of him for making me cry. But even I acknowledged the fact that they'd probably heard the entire exchange. I took a couple of minutes to calm my frazzled nerves, and then we walked back to the living room.

Esme, Rosalie, and Charlotte all acknowledged our return, but they were either playing it off as insignificant so as not to give me unwanted attention for my own benefit, or they really hadn't heard the exchange between me and Peter. Peter went over to his wife and pulled her up so he could sit down, and then he sat her on his lap, cuddling her. I listened as Rosalie and Esme talked about an island Carlisle had purchased for Esme off the coast of Brazil - the house, the land, the beach...it all sounded wonderful.

It was starting to grow late and I was growing anxious. I excused myself, telling everyone I was going to shower and go to bed. After a round of good night hugs from Esme and Rosalie, and some smiles and squeezes of warm and cold hands from Peter and Charlotte, I went to my room and took a shower. I washed my hair and blow dried it bone straight. I put on a black tank top and a pair of flannel pants, and then I went and started another fire because the room had chilled. I didn't feel like watching TV, and I was having a hard time catching my breath. I took the throw off the chaise and walked out to the balcony.

It wasn't really that cold. There was no wind and it was clear out. There was a moon, and it lit up the meadow in front of the house. The sky was completely filled with stars. I heard a wolf howl in the distance, and I heard muffled laughing coming from downstairs.

Jasper still hadn't told me about the werewolves yet. I was extremely curious to know if Jacob was one of them, and what they must look like.

It was a few minutes later when I heard a distant, bellowing laugh that could only belong to Emmett. I trained my eyes towards the sound and looked to the southeast. There were three dark figures running just slightly faster than your average human, one directly behind the other.

I watched as one made a dash towards the other, and he planted his foot on the other's back, who was bent over. He jumped - more like flew - into the air, what had to be forty feet, and landed in front of his launch by a small distance. I watched as all three of them did this. It was a version of leap frog, and I was amazed.

I heard Emmett and Carlisle both laugh as they drew closer to the house, and I could finally tell who was who. Emmett was the closest, Carlisle was in the middle, and Jasper was getting ready to make his leap. He pushed up and off of Carlisle's back and flew high up into the air. When he landed, he landed in front of Emmett in a crouch, and his knees were bent with one hand on the ground.

He stood up straight, took one step, and froze. I watched his head turn towards me. I couldn't see his face because it was too dark.

I grew nervous. The others passed by him, and walked to the front of the house as they waved up at me. Jasper started walking and within five or six steps he went airborne and disappeared for a moment. He landed on the balcony right next to me. I jumped.

The blank look from this afternoon was gone. His eyes were soft, rich, and butterscotch, but he was frowning. I could feel my heartbeat pick up. I was nervous and my eyes watered up immediately.

Jasper pulled me towards him and I wrapped my arms around his waist in a hug. I laid my head on his chest. His face was at the side of my head and he talked into my ear. We both said it at the same time.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry."

I started to cry and Jasper squeezed just a little bit tighter.

"I didn't mean to hurt you. I was pissed off. I didn't mean it."

"Bella, I've been waiting for you to say it since it happened. Somewhere deep down you did mean it, and that's okay. I wish I could take it back, but I can't. I know you have forgiven me and that is all that matters to me now. And today, well, you have nothing to be sorry for. I was being a dick. I just...I worry and care. I did apologize to Charlotte for snapping at her. But you need to know that even if she was joking, I'm not going to tolerate a reference like that. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. I was also completely out of place in saying what I thought was best for you. It doesn't mean I won't suggest it, but I'll make sure to suggest it to you first and foremost. I don't want to handle you."

Jasper sure did have a way with words and apologies. I wouldn't have been able to stumble through something like that. I felt terrible, though. I felt like I was on the verge of losing control again. Jasper was still holding me and he was rocking us back and forth.

"Shhh. Bella, it's alright. Stop crying so much. You'll get all stuffy," he said.

"I can't. I know you blame yourself for all of this and I don't want that. You had enough on your plate with what happened after that party... and even now. It doesn't seem fair that I get off so easily."

Jasper pulled back and he gave me a sad, frustrated look. "How the hell do you figure you've gotten off so easily? You've lost everything. You lost the man you loved, you lost Charlie and Renee, and you nearly lost your life." He paused. "What do you mean, though, about me having enough on my plate?"

"I'm talking about _Alice. _When the hell have you had time to come to terms with the end of your relationship with her? You haven't. You've been so preoccupied with all that's happened with me that you're putting off your own feelings. It's not fair for you."

Alice's name had come out like a curse.

Jasper's face lit with a sad smile. "Let's go inside. You're getting cold."

Jasper took my hand and led me back inside. He waited for me to get settled on the lounge before he sat on the end, and he looked at the fire.

"Bella, I'll always miss her and I'll probably love her for the rest of my life. But I can't live in the past anymore, just like you. Will I ever love another like I loved her? Maybe. Maybe not. But, while you might think I haven't had time to come to terms with losing her, I have. I did the night she told me goodbye." His deep voice had started strong, but it sounded sad by the end.

"It was love at first sight for us, and it ended for me just as quickly. Alice had a vision about finding me. She had thought that I was her true love, and I believed it, too. I needed a companion, but Alice didn't know what she had gotten herself into when she found me. She was strong, though, and she was always there whenever I fucked up. But it was embarrassing for her sometimes. She never had trouble with our diet." Jasper paused, and he took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

He let out a short, mirthless laugh under his breath. "I actually think that love at first sight is not a great fucking idea. I want someone who knows who I am, what I'm capable of, and where I came from. I want someone who'll accept me for the mistakes I've made and _will_ make. I want someone who'll love me for _me_ - not what _they_ perceive and not what _they_ see." Jasper smiled.

His eyes didn't look pained, like they had in the car when I first found out about Alice. He looked a little at peace, but you could tell that it still hurt. His shoulders were a little hunched.

There was no doubt that Jasper truly believed his words. I still didn't know him completely, but I knew he would not lie to himself or to me. I saw the perfect opportunity to ask what I had wanted to earlier.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure, what's on your mind?"

"Last night, I asked you where you came from and you avoided the subject. When I was talking to Peter and Charlotte earlier, they both got a little nervous when I asked them how they knew you. Peter only told me you worked together. Why won't you tell me, and why are they so nervous?"

Jasper looked back at the fire and thought for a whole minute before he answered. "They were nervous because I asked them to keep our past relationship from you for now. I _will_ tell you about me, but I need to come to terms with your reaction. Because you will react. The fact is, you're human and you won't be able to take what I tell you lightly. You'll think differently of me. You have such an honest and innocent soul... and I find myself slightly afraid about how you will feel about me when you know. Just give me some time, I'll tell you soon, I promise."

I looked at him for a moment. "Okay, but I don't believe that. I don't believe my opinion of you will change at all. Whoever you were then is not who you are now."

Jasper looked at me, and it was impossible to describe the look on his face.

"I hope not." His lip twitched up into a grin before it fell into a frown again. He looked back at the fire.

Jasper asked me what I did after they left to go hunting. I told him and then I asked him about the hunting trip. Apparently, Emmett was thrilled because he'd stumbled upon a bear. Jasper had gotten a wolf and a couple of deer, and Carlisle had found a couple of foxes and deer. The wolf reminded me of the other question I had and I asked him about the werewolves. He told me about Ephraim Black, the Quileutes, and Carlisle's treaty with them.

He also told me his theory that when there are vampires in the area, the gene seems to explode. I told him how I knew Jacob and I asked if he was one of them. He said he didn't know. We talked about them until I yawned.

"It's getting late. You should go to bed." Jasper winked at me.

"That's better." I smiled proudly at him.

"I'm trying." His grin was huge.

Jasper surprised me when he leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. He told me 'good night' and got up and left, closing the door softly behind him.

I had been holding my bladder for too long, and I went to the bathroom.

That's when it hit me. I was taking a piss and every vampire in the house, no doubt, could hear me.

"Oh, for the love of God," I groaned out loud. It was going to take some getting used to.

I went to bed and had the same dream I had had earlier in the afternoon.

I woke up the next morning at around nine. I went into the bathroom and got ready. My neck still had a couple of bad spots from when Victoria had embedded her nails in, and they looked a little infected. I picked out a black turtleneck and dared to put on a black pair of jeans that flared at the bottom. My legs were still bothering me, but they were healing. I put some socks on, and wore my slippers downstairs.

Esme was already in the kitchen when I went to grab a glass of milk. She toasted me a Pop Tart after I gave in because I wasn't hungry, at all. Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, and Peter were out in the garage. Evidently, it wasn't quite finished yet and they were helping Peter work on it. Charlotte had decided to take a walk. Evidently, she was into bird watching. I decided to head up to the library to check out the books.

I was reading Wuthering Heights in the library when Esme came to the door. The Volturi guards who were going to be helping with the fight against Victoria had arrived. Esme asked me to follow her downstairs.

We walked down the staircase and I could feel all eyes shift in my direction. I, of course, had my eyes on my feet because I was watching my footing. When I came to the bottom, Esme pulled me over to stand by the back of one of the couches. The two new vampires were still by the door.

Rosalie and Charlotte were standing by the window wall to the left. Peter and Emmett were standing to my right, but they were not close enough to touch. Carlisle was talking to one of the new vampires. Jasper was nowhere to be seen.

The vampire whom Carlisle was talking to was a small girl. She was even smaller than Alice. She had short brown hair and wide burgundy eyes, and her eyes were shifting back and forth between each of us. She was awfully thin.

She had a slight smile on her face that looked genuine as she took us in, and it frustrated me that they would even send someone like her. She seemed so frail, which I'm sure was not the case, but I just couldn't see how she could fight.

The second vampire was huge. Emmett huge. He had broad, wide shoulders and his arms rivaled Emmett's. He was very tall. He had an olive complexion, but he was pale, too, and the contrast in his skin tone made him look chalky. He had short, black, cropped hair, and he was strikingly handsome. His eyes were a dark crimson, and they were narrowed at me. He had a slight grin on his face. I realized right away I didn't like him. It was something about his eyes, and the way they looked at me. They were beautiful, but frightening at the same time.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Esme move over a little more to the left. When I looked to her, Jasper appeared right next to me. He had a very serious look on his face. Almost angry. I looked back to the vampires and noticed that the big one still had his eyes on me. It made me nervous, so I looked at the girl instead.

Carlisle introduced them as Jane and Felix. Jane was quite friendly and she said hello to everyone. She nodded at me with a smile, and she looked me over from head to toe. Felix said hello to the others, but when his eyes found mine again, something else shone there. I felt a chill run down my back. I was really starting to feel uncomfortable. I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down while I looked at the floor in front of me. It worked a little. I began shifting my eyes around the room, but I could feel him watching me.

It all happened so fast.

Jasper, who had been touching my arm because he was standing so close, let out a menacing growl and was gone in an instant. Before the sound and the fact that something had occurred even registered with me, Jasper and Felix had exploded through the closed front double doors. Felix was on his back and lying on the deck, and Jasper had him by the neck. It looked like he was about to snap it off.

"Holy shit!"


	18. Chapter 18 Ares Undone

Chapter 18. Ares Undone.

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***J*A*S*P*E*R***

Peter.

Just when I thought my night would end on a great note, the bastard was going to ruin it for me. I saw the looks I got from him all day.

His shit eating grin, his fucking beady eyes basically relaying his 'I know every fucking thing there is to know' attitude, he was worse than a broad.

After Carlisle had filled him and Charlotte in on the death of Bella's father, I avoided him like the plague. He'd been giving me that look not even two minutes after I arrived.

I had managed to avoid being alone with him for fifteen hours, but that was about to come to an end. It had been a cluster fuck of a day, all to my own doing. But things had settled down, and those things were sleeping quietly.

After my bitter remark to Charlotte's attempt to break the ice, I had some kissing ass to do. I was actually really lucky she didn't lay the smack down and kick my ass, right in front of Bella. I would have had to let her too, and that was the sad part. Because I was a prick.

Charlotte was good at reading people, and she knew that something was wrong with Bella. I was given a temporary reprieve at that moment because evidently, we both looked like we had been through the ringer.

I was coddling Bella. She had been through and lost so much is such a short amount of time, I just wanted to care for her. But she could still think around all the heartache and the physical pain she was experiencing. Bella saw Charlotte's intention to make her feel comfortable, but she needed a break from monsters wanting to kill her or just joking about wanting to kill her. Things just went downhill from there.

I wasn't worried about Charlotte at that point, but I wanted to pacify Bella. I knew she was tired in the car, she had already been up a better part of the night, all morning and then the afternoon. So I thought that she would appreciate a place to rest first and then they could get to know each other later. But once I tried to handle it _and_ her, I realized I had completely fucked up, and I needed to shut up.

She was outraged and embarrassed and she had tried to rip her hand away from mine. I treated her no better than a child, and I panicked. I froze for a minute and watched her walk away before I finally realized that Peter was giving me that shit eating grin.

After Charlotte had shown Bella to her room, I thought I'd take her stuff up to her, and apologize before she went to sleep. But Charlotte, followed by Rosalie and Esme, came downstairs and nearly knocked me over with those huge tits of hers. She was in my face yelling at me to never to fucking talk that way to her again as a guest in her house. Then she started yelling at me because she thought I was checking out her tits. I was, but only because they were _there_.

Peter was laughing his ass off, obviously from the look on my face and the fact that I turned into the world's biggest pussy.

I quickly apologized for my behavior and told her that I would apologize to Bella as well. That's what Charlotte really wanted to hear. And I would, because I had realized my error. Or errors.

In a short space of time, she had taken to Bella like a bird with a broken wing.

I was going to take her things up to her and apologize, But Esme told me that I needed to wait. Bella did need to rest, plus she hadn't had any alone time since she'd been up. She needed her space.

I didn't want to give her any. Space gave her time to think, and I only wanted to believe that wasn't for the best.

I sat down and waited. I could hear her above us. She was watching that movie with Robin Williams and she started crying a couple minutes into it. No doubt she was thinking about Charlie. Bella was asleep minutes later, and Rosalie took Bella's things to her room, figuring she might want to unpack before she came down. Carlisle filled Peter and Charlotte in, and I added a word here and there. I paced around the downstairs, looking at the fucking waste of a good meal that littered the walls. When I looked over at the couch where it had grown silent, Peter was once again giving me that shit eating grin.

Bella eventually woke up and moved about her room, unpacking her things. I had no idea why, but I had been nervous. Then I found myself pissed because I was nervous. I left the first floor with a "Fuck it" and went to talk to her. I nearly scared her to death, again, in the bathroom. I brought my anger with me and I blew it. I blew it before I even had the words out of my mouth. I found myself in a place I didn't want to be, and she finally said the one thing I have been waiting to hear since I had found her. It felt like being kicked in the gut.

The truth was it felt like my heart dropped out of my chest.

I knew she was sorry. I was drowning in a tidal wave of regret coming from the both of us. I couldn't even talk. So I left. When I had gotten downstairs, Rosalie was at the end of the stairway just looking at me. I walked around her and tried to walk out the door. She had grabbed me from behind and jerked me around. She just looked at me. I couldn't say anything. I didn't want to say anything. Emmett and Carlisle took me hunting.

I hunted with Emmett most of the time. Carlisle was craving some fox, and had found a scent. Emmett left me to my thoughts, he always knew when I just needed to think. I watched him take out a bear, excited to find one. While he was enjoying his meal, I heard a wolf in the distance. I took off after it, trying to locate it, leaving my shirts on a tree. When I found it, I let it have a moment of glory before I took it out. She was a big one, and she went at my throat with everything she had. I could feel her claws raking across my skin trying to tear me open. Her teeth started to break and I quickly broke her neck, I didn't want to cause her unnecessary pain.

Emmett was there when I was done. Carlisle showed up a few seconds later, and after that we sat by a stream and made small talk. Carlisle was rather impressed with Peter, and Charlotte, and in a short amount of time and some talking, the family had bonded pretty well to them. We talked about old hunting trips, and even the missing prodigal son. Carlisle was emitting some pretty strong disappointment when the subject of Edward came up.

I knew what they were doing, they were trying to keep my head off my altercation with Bella. I truly did appreciate the effort. After awhile, we heard a small herd of deer and went after them. It was a fun time, and what I had needed to calm down, but I was ready to go back. Space can be a good thing, but I wanted to see Bella. I needed to see her.

I did see her, and I held her, too. All the despair washed away in our conversation and our apologies to one another. After Bella had went to bed, I went to the library to get lost in my own thoughts of everything that was said, and done. The others went to clean up and retire for the night. Of course they weren't sleeping, Rosalie and Emmett were testing out the new bed, and Carlisle and Esme got the same idea.

Peter and Charlotte were just as bad as Emmett and Rosalie. I tried to block it. Tried to drown out the sounds, the moans, and Emmett's fucking grunting. But when you hear someone you consider an adoptive mother about to come, it's time to fucking leave.

Funny how I never gave it attention before this all happened. I figured it was because I was alone and craving intimacy, craving the feel of a woman.

So I found myself outside, across the meadow in a rather large spruce on the tree line, and that bastard Peter was on his way to ruin my night. I liked Peter, loved him in fact. You don't go through the shit we've been through together and not have a bond. But he's just an odd motherfucker and sometimes I could do without all the weirdness. At times I've compared his uncanny ability to know what I was thinking with Edward's gift. But he also had an ability to read _my_ feelings. Putting a name to his gift however was damn near impossible. It was also never up for discussion. He wanted to avoid the microscope, and he preferred to live a quiet existence.

Peter was walking at human speed toward me, taking his sweet, ass time. The asshole was feeling content, and anticipating what was to come.

He jumped up and swung himself up with his arms; one branch at a time, until he hit my perch. He found a branch across from me and hopped over, parking his ass on it, and leaning back against another.

That shit eating grin was going to get wiped off, and soon.

"Keep it up. I'm about to wipe that shit right off your face." I warned.

He laughed. "That's okay, But if my wife finds out, she might come out here and beat the shit out of you. Try not look at her tits if she does. It upsets her. She thinks they're too big for her body, and she can't do anything about it, either."

"I swear they look bigger every time I see her." I frowned at him.

He smiled. "I consider it her gift. A warm place to nuzzle a face. You wouldn't know that though, you've always like them a little small."

"Go fuck yourself."

Peter laughed. "Nothing wrong with that. To each his own. But this could certainly be a step up for you." He mused, as he signaled back towards the house with his head.

"I don't know what you're talking about, so just knock it off."

Peter turned serious within an instant, and there was a feeling of triumph seeping out of him.

"Bullshit. Maybe you're not ready to admit it to yourself, but don't think I don't see it. I've known you a long time, and you were never like this with that little senorita, or Alice for that matter. You can lie to yourself all you want, I know you're still raw. There's nothing wrong with being a little enchanted, for now. Ares didn't find Aphrodite right away, either."

"Now I really don't know what the fuck you're talking about."

He scoffed. "Whatever." He paused and a sympathetic look crossed his face. "She's still raw, too." He said quietly.

"Peter, don't. You're misreading everything."

"No, I'm not. All good things happen in time. Don't deny yourself the happiness you deserve. Strive for it."

"I don't deserve nothing."

Peter was aggravated. "Yes you do. You deserve it all. You gave me my life. And my wife's."

"You, idiot. I took your_life_ away."

_And you smelled like shit when I did it, too_.

Peter's eyes narrowed. "You're the idiot. My life is Charlotte. I won't ever forget that, and I'll always be your friend. And your brother. Like I said, you deserve it all." He said indifferently.

I turned my head and looked back towards the house when I heard Rosalie laugh a little Esme and Rosalie had not hunted yet, they were getting ready to leave, she was kissing Emmett goodbye.

"Thank You. For everything."

"You're welcome," he paused. "You might want to close her drapes, otherwise the sunlight might wake her up too early."

"Alright."

A little after dawn, Peter was working out in his garage. He was installing a new garage system. He was going to lay resin flooring, so I decided to help him. Rosalie and Emmett were bored, so they helped, too.

The floor sucked, and Peter couldn't measure worth a shit, so it took awhile. Rosalie was pissed because the power drill wasn't moving fast enough for her and Emmett kept slapping her ass.

Carlisle came out to help after a while and I talked to him about something I thought of during the night. When Bella and I were talking about the Quiluete's and the wolves, I thought that maybe she could talk to Billy Black. Bella had told me that he and Charlie were great friends and I wondered if maybe he could talk to her and maybe tell her how Renee was doing. I also wanted to see if he could get some of her personal things, like any photo albums she might have had, her favorite books, and forward them to us.

Last night I found Wuthering Heights on a top shelf and I put it out on the table so she could find it. I thought it would be great if she could have had her copy from home. And it would great if she had some pictures of Charlie and Renee. Carlisle gave me a number to call and leave Billy a message to call back.

Billy called my phone about three hours later. I told him how I wanted to see if maybe he would talk to Bella and it took him a minute to give me a straight answer. I was walking by the front of the house when Charlotte grabbed my attention. She had seen a car coming down off the mountain. Carlisle had said the Volturi guards would arrive this morning. I nodded my head at her and went up to my room to continue my conversation with Billy.

Billy had said that he was good friends with Charlie. He also told me that even though he knew what happened, he still harbored some ill feelings towards Bella and her relationship with Edward and my family. He would not talk to her but he assured me that Renee was doing well.

That pissed me off, but for what I wanted I kept my mouth shut. I asked him about her personal things and he thought he could manage it. Renee was currently debating whether to sell the house and everything in it.

I hated having that conversation, and the thought occurred that maybe I should just go back to Forks and pack her shit myself. I was still finishing up with Billy when I heard the car arrive.

Billy was still talking about their checks of the surrounding areas when I heard Carlisle talking to a unknown female. He was asking about when they last fed, and how the trip was here. I finally hung up with Billy and I walked out of my room. Bella was no longer in the library, and I could hear her heart downstairs. I flitted down the steps and stopped at the edge of the staircase.

Carlisle was talking to a fucking midget. Okay, she was petite. But still, Aro sent a fucking midget to fight newborns. Peter was off to the side at Charlotte, and he was looking at me like he was pissed. He jutted his head towards the two Volturi. One specifically.

I reigned in my irritation when I noticed the Italian stud standing next to her, his eyes taking everyone in. He at least would be some kind of help. I could feel cheerfulness and enthusiasm coming from the little one. When I focused on him he had his eyes on Bella. He was feeling fascination, a faint hint of hunger, and...

_Oh, fuck no._

I got Esme's attention and jerked my head to the side. She moved off and I flitted in next to Bella. That fucking son of a bitch never even once took his eyes off her. I kept my gift focused on him, but when Bella fidgeted and moved her head towards the ground I sensed her nervousness. She was uncomfortable and a little afraid, and she was having trouble breathing. That told me she noticed this, too. I focused back on him and came undone.

The cocksucker might have been alright for a moment if he had just kept his feelings at longing, but the fucker added to it with lust, desire, a tinge of arousal, and anticipation. Everything I saw with my eyes after that, was tinged with red.

_Take him down. Kill the fucker. He wants to hurt her. Don't give him the chance_.

The thought entered my mind with such conviction that it ran down my spine, hitting every nerve, while it told my legs what to do. I lunged at him.

I flew into him and through Charlotte's doors. I had him by the neck. I was crouching over him and I was in his face, my leg pinning his abdomen. I was so angry, so furious, I even couldn't talk. My jaw clenching and I couldn't open it for the life of me. I heard Bella yell, and for just the slightest moment I was thrown off kilter, but the pause faded away as quickly as I felt it.

_She's fine. She's alright._

"Holy Shit! Emmett!" And I could here the others making their way out the door. Peter was the first there.

"Emmett, keep her back." Peter said, a little nervous and amused. I couldn't see her out of my peripheral vision. I had my eyes locked on the fucker who was going to die in front of me. Peter crouched down and bumped into my shoulder.

"Jasper, back up, buddy." I couldn't move. My throat was boiling, and I couldn't swallow the venom pouring out of my gland fast enough. I was fucking pissed that this asshole even had the nerve to...

"Jasper, it's okay. I'll talk to him, just back up a little."

I managed to jerk my head back three inches.

Felix's eyes were about to bug out of his fucking head. I felt fear and terror coming off of him. He shifted them from mine to Peter, who had leaned in so he could look at him. Peter's voice stayed calm.

"Felix is it? Well Felix, I don't believe you've been introduced to the guy that's about to snap your head off. This is Jasper, my God of War. I don't quite know what you did to set him off, but if you don't start talking, you're gonna go out, the hard way. Now what did you do? What were you feeling?"

Felix's eyes shifted back and forth a few times before he finally answered. His voice was strained. "I was just looking at the girl. At the human." My fingers tightened on his throat. Just a little more, and I would crush through his neck.

Peter clicked his tongue and shook his head back and forth slowly. "Now, that's not all I asked. So you were looking at the girl, but what were you thinking about?"

Felix was drowning in venom. He was just about to answer when the midget did for him. I didn't take my eyes off of him, but peripherally she was behind him. Standing not so close.

"Felix you sick fuck, I hope he snaps your head clean off." The midget said.

"What can you tell us?" Peter asked her.

"A lot actually, but why do you want to know how he was feeling?" She asked.

"Jasper's an empath. He knows what others are feeling. He can manipulate feelings, and he can make others feel what he feels. Right now he's a little fucked up, so he's probably only picking up your friend. Her name is Jane, Jasper."

The girl asked, "Does Aro know him?"

"He doesn't know him, but he knows about him and his ability, Why?" Carlisle asked.

The girl sighed. "That's why he sent him with me. Aro sent him to test him. Your human girl is his type, and your Jasper would of been able to sniff him out, so to speak. He'll have to go back home. Aro will put him on trial. He's being looking for a reason."

Felix's eyes bugged out even more, and he was starting to panic. He started kicking his legs. I was starting to have a hard time keeping the grip I had on him. He started to growl, and Rosalie came over and locked down his legs.

Peter asked, "Why? What did he do?"

Jane sighed. "He likes to take young human girls and have sex with them. Brutal sex. He likes to drink from them while engaged in intercourse. He was even caught still going at it with a girl even after she died. His frequency increased, and he started taking them in Volterra. Young ones, like that girl. He was sloppy, and he was causing attention.

"Aro's disgusted with him. We don't believe in inhumane treatment. He told him he had only one chance to change his ways. He was only allowed to feed from men and older women. But he was not permitted to leave the castle, until now. So much for rehabilitation."

I was losing it. I was already gone.

Rosalie yelled from behind me. "So he sent us this fucking piece of shit?! Don't we have enough to worry about, without this perverted fuck?! How could he do that!?"

"When we were on the phone; before we hung up, he told me that one day, I might need to return a favor, maybe this is it." Carlisle answered, subdued.

"Maybe you're right. Caius and Marcus wanted to keep him because he was a good fighter, and a loyal guard. Aro wants him dead," Jane said, quietly.

_No problem._

Felix's left hand was grabbing the back of my right forearm. I had my left holding his right arm down. I released his arm quick and jerked his fucking head clean off. Peter grabbed his head from my hands. I moved off of him, and Rosalie and Charlotte flitted the rest of him off the deck. Peter followed them.

I stood on the deck and watched them go around to the back of the house. I couldn't breathe and I couldn't talk.

I didn't even know what to say to Bella. She had seen and heard that entire exchange. She had heard what he most likely had thought about doing to her. She had watched me unravel, and for a moment after I jerked his head off, I felt her consuming horror when she realized what had happened. The shit was never-ending.

I looked out into the meadow, into unknown territory.

There are not enough emotions that can describe the rage I was feeling. Not enough. Fury, anger, wrath, hostility, ferocity, vengeance, bitterness, and hate. Hate for vile creatures like Felix, hate for that son of a bitch Aro for risking Bella like that. Hate for Victoria, hate for Edward, hate for Alice. Hate for myself, too.

It all left me within the blink of an eye.

I felt two warm hands grab my left hand ever so tentatively and lightly. I felt her walk closer and lean her head into my chest. I breathed her in. Strawberry shampoo, freesia, and orange blossoms.

The rage left, and I was consumed by her worry and love.


	19. Chapter 19 Revealings

Chapter 19. Revealings

**%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%**

***B*E*L*L*A***

I had no idea what had happened exactly, but Jasper turned into something wild and not manageable. He was an epitome of violence.

His face from his profile was intense, worse than the night when he had saved me from Victoria. It was monstrous; it was horrific; and, there was something else there. It took me a minute to think of what it was. And it was fear.

But he also looked like he was trying to fight something, and I think he was trying not to kill Felix. At least not right away.

The way he was on that vampire, was like a cat feasting on its prey. I could see spasms running through his back as he quivered with fury. The tendons in his neck that was exposed from his shirt stood out, and I realized his jaw was clenched. For a moment I thought it was clenched so tight he would end up breaking his own teeth. But the noise coming out of his throat from his chest was the most terrifying thing about the entire situation. It made the hairs on the back of my neck stand, and chills ran down my spine.

While Jane had told Felix's story, the look in him that I thought was fear was suddenly replaced with determination. I knew he was going to kill him, and after everything was said in done, I had wished that he would.

One little twist and his head was off with a sickening snap. Peter, Charlotte, and Rosalie were gone in an instant with Felix. Emmett finally let me go, and he headed off to the back where I assumed they went to finish the job.

Carlisle, Esme, and Jane were just standing there, with looks of shock on their faces. But I could swear I saw Jane smile.

Jasper had stood up and moved off a few feet, and he was looking out to the meadow.

I moved toward him, but Carlisle grabbed my arm and whispered to me to leave him be, that he needed space so he could calm down.

I wasn't afraid of Jasper. I knew he wouldn't hurt me, but at that moment he seemed like he was at a loss. He looked alone, and I didn't want him to be alone. I tried to wiggle free from Carlisle's grasp and Esme told him to just let me go.

I walked over to Jasper and I slowly took his hand in both of mine first. He didn't even move, but the black globes of death that were his eyes contracted slightly. I watched his face for a second, and I moved in and laid my head on his chest.

He didn't say anything, and that worried me. I was worried that he was giving up on keeping me alive because certain death seemed to be following me around. And I didn't want him to give up. I wanted to stay with him and the rest of the family forever.

I cared for him and wished like hell I knew what I could do to help him.

I was just starting to lose the hold on my bravado when he took a deep breath. I felt him relax, and I felt his free hand touch my head. He started to run his fingertips through my hair.

Time seemed immeasurable for a while, but the calm and quiet returned.

I was starting to get a little cold. The wind was blowing in from the north, and being next to Jasper's wasn't helping either. The hand that was still holding his was going numb.

I could smell the fire, and I almost suggested that we go sit by it, when I finally realized it was more than just wood burning.

The entire event played through my mind over and over again. Out of the corner of my eye I saw movement, and Peter and Charlotte were both standing in front of us, looking concerned.

"Jasper, you okay?" Peter asked. I moved away from Jasper's chest, but he kept a firm hold on my hand.

"Yeah. I'm fine," Jasper answered, quiet and subdued.

"Well, he's dust in the wind now. Your sister is very upset. Emmett's taking her for a walk. When they get back, we need to have a little meeting with the midget. Carlisle is behind the house and already on the phone with Aro. Carlisle's got a colorful vocabulary when he's pissed off. I've also let him know that I don't want anyone else coming to replace that perverted fuck we just roasted. I don't want any more of them here. I don't even know if I trust her yet."

"Jane?" Jasper asked.

"Yeah," Peter answered, nodding, and looking pretty severe. "Get Bella inside. She doesn't have her coat on. Bella are you alright? Do you need anything? I know that was probably upsetting to see, but it was for the best."

"No, I'm perfectly fine. I'm just worried about Jasper."

Jasper looked down at me. "Don't worry about me, I'm okay. I'm just sorry you had to see me like that. But I had to kill him. I had to."

I realized there was still an audience, but I didn't care.

"You don't need to be sorry for anything. That sick fucker deserved it, and I was hoping you would. I just don't want you to give up, is all."

Jasper let go of my hand, wrapping one arm around my waist as he moved to stand in front of me somewhat so I could just focus on him. His eyes were still strikingly black, yet full of depth at the same time. He looked at me concerned.

"Why would I give up? What do you mean?" He asked, quietly.

"I'm worried that you might want to give up on all of this. All that's happened with Victoria, putting the pieces of me back together because of my dad, this thing that just happened with that Felix...I'm sorry, but death just seems to keep knocking at my door. Maybe I should just answer it. You all could go back to your lives and I'll..be in a nice, quiet place. It just seems like maybe it's starting to tear at you, and I don't want that."

Jasper sighed, he was irritated.

"You know what tears at me? When you talk like this. I'm not giving up. Not ever. You seem to have forgotten she's after all of us. I just worry how all this ugliness affects you. Like this? This that just happened? I'm not a cruel man, and I don't want you to think I am."

Peter interrupted as Jasper pulled me against him, embracing me.

"I don't think you give her enough credit, my friend. She knows evil when she sees it. She's not afraid of you, she's afraid _for_ you. Now why don't you take care of your _sister_ and get her inside before she catches pneumonia."

I could have sworn I heard a snort from Charlotte, and I hoped they weren't misreading things.

I didn't look at them though because Jasper had pulled away and grabbed my hand to lead me into the house. The splintered remains of Charlotte's custom-made doors were lying everywhere, outside and inside.

Jane was sitting in the area on the left, her back straight, watching us with big, curious eyes. She looked like an innocent, bloodsucking child. Esme flitted to us, her face concerned.

"Are you both okay?" She asked.

Jasper didn't answer, and when I looked at him, he was waiting for me to answer. "Yeah, I'm good."

"I'm good too, Esme." Jasper smiled at her.

She looked us both over. "Okay. Jasper, I want to talk to you. Bella, I can hear your stomach. Get in the kitchen, now," she said kindly, but there was something about her face that said the only winner of a potential argument would be her and her alone.

My stomach was growling because it was in upheaval, but I would appease Esme and try to eat. Jasper had asked Charlotte if she would go with me, his eyes glancing in Jane's direction.

Charlotte told him yes, and Peter came along, too. Nothing sounded good, but I made a couple of pieces of cinnamon toast and drank a glass of milk.

Peter and I started talking about scents when he eyed my lunch. I told him the Cullen's have always told me that I have a floral smell, like freesia. They asked me if I could smell them and what they smelled like. I never could identify it; each one of them smelled sweet, and I even smelled them. Peter didn't smell like anything but fabric softener and smoke. That's when he told me about his gift.

Charlotte asked me about the draw, about the attraction to them, and if I ever had any issues with being attracted to any of the Cullen's besides Edward. Peter in turn, wanted to know if I thought he was cute. I attempted to push him off the chair, and Charlotte helped.

I liked them immensely, I realized. The conversation drifted over to places they had been to when Rosalie and Emmett came through the back door.

Rosalie looked very upset. She tried to smile, but failed miserably. She didn't say anything and flitted through the kitchen door to the family area.

I had never seen her like that; it was not a becoming look for her.

Emmett gave us a nod and a smile and stopped beside me.

"You okay?" He asked.

I nodded at him. "Emmett, what's wrong with Rosalie? Is she alright?"

"Yeah, she'll be fine. After hearing about the things that Felix has done, it kinda fucked her up, but she'll be good. She needs to be alone for a little bit, but later on, if you guys talk, maybe you should ask her why she was changed. I think she'll be forthcoming. How's Jasper?"

"He's fine, so he says. He's talking with Esme now." I answered.

"He scared the shit out of me. I've never seen him that bad before. The guy couldn't even talk. That was something else." Emmett pretended to shiver.

"His gland was working overtime. He was drowning in venom, Emmett. Weren't you?"

"Yeah, I was. But hey, answer me this. Why did you call him your 'God of War'?" Emmett asked.

Peter thought for a moment and his eyes shifted from me to Emmett, then back to me. His lips moved infinitesimally and I could have sworn he was telling Emmett something.

Emmett looked at me with sympathy. This was the kind of shit that irritated me. I got up to pull the pitcher of tea out of the fridge. Before I realized it, Peter was standing in front of the open fridge handing me the pitcher.

"I'm sorry. I made a promise and I'm sticking to it. I don't want to keep you out of the loop."

I shrugged my shoulders at him.

"Don't worry, I'm used to it."

I poured my glass, not looking at him. I knew later I would feel terrible for talking to Peter like that, but right then I was just irritated as hell. Peter walked back over to the island.

Charlotte squeezed my arm reassuringly when I got back to my seat.

Emmett and Peter started talking of the meeting about to take place when Peter's head shot over in the direction of the door.

"They're ready. Let's get this little meeting over with so we can get the old doors out of the attic and back up where they belong. Bella, you're coming, too. So, if you're done, let's go," he said, and his tone told me he was irritated, too.

"Jasper owes me a set of new doors," Charlotte said.

"Surely you can't blame him for attacking Felix, honey," Peter said, as he pulled her chair out so she could get up.

"Of course not, but he could have opened them first. We wouldn't have known what he was doing. But _no_, it was much easier for him to get all pissy, and fly through them..."

We headed out of the kitchen and into the family area. Rosalie was the only one missing. Jane had moved over and was sitting in one of the chairs pulled over from the other side. Esme, Carlisle, and Emmett sat down on the larger part of the sectional.

Jasper flitted over once we had walked out of the kitchen, taking my hand again and using his eyes to ask if I was okay. I gave him a smile as we walked over to sit on the smaller side of the sectional.

Jasper himself seemed like he was deep in thought and concerned. Peter sat next to him with Charlotte.

"Well, I talked to Aro. I informed him about what happened with that fucking piece of..." Esme elbowed Carlisle in his ribs.

"Anyway, he wasn't happy about the fact that we executed him, but after some choice words, he understood that it couldn't be helped. It's up to us if we want Jane to stay, otherwise, she's to return home."

Peter leaned forward in his seat, resting his elbows on his knees. "Good. Jane? We apologize for the loss of your comrade. We'll understand if you choose to leave. I don't mean to be rude, but we didn't expect someone of your...stature. I'm sorry, but I just don't see how you will be of any use to us."

Jane was insulted, and she glared at Peter.

"First of all, he was not my comrade. If I wanted to stop that little altercation out there and if I wanted to save that fucker's life, I could have. I'm quite capable of physically defending myself. I just prefer not to get my hands dirty," Jane said, defensively. "Why don't you ask me why Aro sent me?"

"Okay, why?" Jasper asked.

She looked at him for a moment before she answered.

"I can disable an enemy for any given length of time with just a look."

There was a long pause before Peter asked.

"What do you mean?"

Jane smiled. "I'd be glad to show you, but I need a volunteer." Jane looked over in Emmett's direction.

"You can't be serious," Emmett laughed.

Jane just smiled at him.

Emmett smiled maliciously.

"Okay, maybe you are. This is gonna be fun..." Emmett laughed again and heaved himself up from the couch. He walked over to the window.

Jane casually stood up from her chair and followed him over. They stood about six feet apart. Emmett had a huge smile on his face as he looked at her. It was almost like he was saying, "_give it your best shot."_

"I've never fought a midget before, but I'll try not to do any permanent damage." he said.

Jane smiled at him and looked between Carlisle and Peter.

"He'll be quite alright afterward, but you might want to be prepared." Jane looked back over to Emmett.

Her face was angelic, and she had a slight grin plastered on her lips and her head lowered a little bit.

Emmett dropped and it sounded like his head cracked when it hit the floor. His limbs were immobile and his face was contorted in what looked like sheer agony. In fact, I was pretty sure he was screaming, but no sound came out.

"Holy Shit!"

I was already standing, because Jasper pulled me up. Everyone was yelling, or screaming. Peter was moving towards Emmett when all of a sudden Emmett stopped writhing, and started breathing, and moaned as the echos of the pain left him. Everybody just stopped and watched.

He caught his breath, and blinked a few times. He sat up. Everyone was still standing, watching him.

"_What the fuck was that_?" he asked very loudly, looking at Jane for some sort of explanation. "I felt that. That fucking hurt. Even my balls felt that, fucking everything felt that."

"What was it? Are you okay? What did you do to him?" Esme accused, giving Jane a look that could kill.

"It was bad. I was in pain. My whole body felt like it was burning. I felt it everywhere. It was fucking awful." Emmett told her, the feeling still in his eyes.

It was then that I noticed that Rosalie was on the landing by the stairs, looking alarmed. She walked over and stood in front of him.

Emmett stood up and reassured her that he was alright. He walked over to the couch and sat back down, with Rosalie on his lap.

Jane looked apologetic.

"I'm sorry, I was only going to do that for a second, but I got a little carried away. I don't like being called a midget. I'm just small. I wasn't very old when I was changed," Jane said, and I felt sorry for her.

"How did you do that?" Peter asked, and he was impressed.

"It's an illusion. I can only make you think you're in pain, and your nervous system does the rest. I can turn it on and off in an instant. But I can't control the level," she answered.

"Can you take down more than one enemy at a time?" Jasper asked.

"Yes, but I need them to be relatively close together. If you're in the middle of a group shall we say, you will be affected. I can't pick and choose. Not yet, anyway. Like I said, I can keep them down for as long as you need," she answered.

Jasper still had my hand and I wanted to sit back down, so I tried to let go of his hand. He followed.

"Since when did 'Holy Crow' turn to 'Holy Shit'? That's the second time today." He said quietly while I settled back. He was smiling at me widely and his eyes were aloof.

"It's your fault. You're starting to rub off on me." I whispered, smiling at him.

"Rubbing off, huh?" His smile fell and he grew serious. "I want to take you for a walk later. I'd like to talk to you."

I nodded at Jasper just as Peter cleared his throat. When I turned my head Peter was looking at us, with a sly grin on his face and a look that clearly said 'we're waiting'. I felt the heat hit my face.

Peter turned back to Jane, and he nodded somewhat to himself.

"Well, you've got me fucking convinced. Will you stay? We need you to understand, though, no harm is to come to Bella. You'll need to maintain control around her. You can hunt with me and Charlotte."

Jane was already nodding and smiling. "I would love to. I wasn't doing anything besides being Aro's little toy to parade around, anyways. And I have excellent control. Even if she bleeds in front of me, I will not attack her. I give you my word."

Jane looked at me and nodded her head once. She meant it, I hoped.

"Good. If the time comes, we'll still be outnumbered. But, your gift gives us an excellent advantage. If you need anything, let us know. We'll be happy to supply it. Jasper, it's your turn," Peter said as he glanced at Emmett. Emmett was completely fine.

Jasper was looking around at all of them. He took a breath and spoke quietly.

"Peter and I have an idea, which is to do nothing. With us being possibly outnumbered, it could be extremely bad if we go looking for Victoria. Peter thinks that if Victoria and her friends are creating an army, they're probably together, in one big group. I'm not so sure. But if we split up and try and search her out, we could be ambushed, and I don't want to risk even one of us for that. We don't even have a clue where to begin, anyways. Billy told me they've found no new trails, and they've gone as far as Seattle and have found nothing. She's moved out of the area. The wolves will help us when the time comes. If they do stay in one big group, it'll be easier to pinpoint where they are," Jasper finished, subdued.

Carlisle asked, "How will it make it easy?"

"Because if it's a newborn army they're creating, they'll be feeding frequently. Which means people will start disappearing, and lots of them. She's not gonna want to move them around too much, so we'll wait," Peter answered.

"We wait. We watch the news. We look online. We look into anything out of the ordinary. Hopefully we'll find something that gives us an idea of where to look. If something pops up, Peter will go in and check it out, and give us a better idea of what we're dealing with if he finds something. But we'll all go together when the time comes. We'll coordinate with Billy, and we'll go in for the kill," Jasper said, looking over at Carlisle.

"You have no scent," Jane said to Peter, she seemed to suddenly realize it.

"I know." He smiled at her.

Carlisle sighed. "So, we'll wait."

"We wait." But it was both Jasper and Peter.

Maybe they were twins in a different life. It was kind of strange and scary how in tune they seemed together. Charlotte shook her head and rolled her eyes.

The way they talked, and their tone, it was almost like they had done this sort of thing before. I was curious, and irritated, all at the same time.

Jasper gave me an understanding look and squeezed my hand. He seemed worried, too. I figured he was going to tell me his story when we went for our walk later. I hoped he would, but I didn't understand why he would worry about it. Nothing he could say would change my opinion of him. Nothing.

After some questions from Jane about Victoria's unknown history and the unknown vampires that were helping her, everyone seemed to disperse. Charlotte took Jane to show her to her room, and Emmett went with Peter upstairs to access the attic. Rosalie came over and stood in front of me with concern in her eyes.

"Do you feel up to talking?" she asked.

"Yeah, but Jasper..."

"No. Go ahead. I'm going to go to a small town not too far from here with Carlisle for a few things. We need to set up a post office box anyways, for bills and such. I'll be back before three, and we'll talk then." He got up and kiss Rosalie on the cheek. Her face fell.

I grabbed her hand, and we went upstairs.

I was waiting in the library, pretending to read, while I was drying up the rest of the tears that I had tried not to let fall. It's not every day you hear a story like Rosalie's. Rosalie had suffered the ultimate betrayal by the man who she had thought loved her. Maybe he did in his own sick, perverted way.

That sick son of a bitch, though, that she almost married? It made me angry. What was worse than him raping her was that he let his friends rape her, too. I was glad she killed the son of a bitch. I was glad she killed all of them. I was salivating when she told me how she killed them.

"_It felt good killing them, it did. Watching them scream and bleed out was truly satisfying. Shoving his dick in his mouth made me feel even better. But I 'll forever be this way. I'll never grow old, I'll never have children. That's what I wanted the most. A husband who loved me, and children. I would have been a wonderful mother, and a grandmother. That's why I've always envied you. You have your humanity." _

That entire conversation, her face pretty much was a reflection of grief and profound loss. She thanked me for listening.

It wasn't right that she had to be the one to comfort me, so I held it in until I got to the library.

I was pissed. It wasn't just what had happened to her, it was the way that that self-righteous son of bitch, Edward, had treated her while she was changing and even after. Who did he think he was? He was not a judge or jury, just because he could read a fucking mind.

It made me wonder what he had said or done to Jasper after the birthday party incident. I wanted to know.

All of my anger just bubbled to the surface and, of course, made me cry. I was blowing snot out of my nose when Jasper appeared in front of the couch. He crouched down, looking worried, of course.

"You know, I heard you crying from outside. But when I got closer to the door..and I felt...Well, I wondered if maybe it was a good idea for me to come in. Granted you can't hurt me physically, but you're a killer with words. Christ, Bella. You're pissed. You..um.. also have a little snot on the side of your cheek. You okay?"

Jasper took some of the toilet paper from the roll that I had taken from my bathroom before I came in the library. He dabbed at my cheek; and then he started dabbing at my eyes.

"Yeah, I'm alright. It's just Rosalie, everything she told me, and that son of bitch, Edward."

Jasper looked taken aback. He scrunched his eyes. "What does he have to do with it?"

I blew my nose.

"The way he treated her when Carlisle saved her. He was an asshole. He thought her to be simple, and he really didn't even know her. Like she..like she wasn't good enough for him. Like she wasn't even good enough to be _his_ sister. She didn't ask to be changed. He could have been a little sympathetic." I answered.

"It wasn't always like that, though. They did get close, it just took some time," he said.

"I know. But, you can't say he didn't think her shallow. Just like that Royce did. He was the true piece of shit. All she wanted was to be loved and to love. And a family, that's what she wanted most. Maybe she was shallow as a human, but she still deserved to live a fulfilling life," I told him. He was rubbing my hands with his.

"Yeah, she did deserve that. But, I gotta tell you, those Victorian Era pussies back then were a bunch of self absorbed snobs."

Jasper cocked his head up and started to laugh.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

"Rosalie just had some choice words for me, is all. Don't worry, she already knows how I really feel about her." Jasper was looking at me with worry.

"Look, I went to town and bought us some fishing gear. I thought maybe we could go fishing while we talked. You've had a lot to deal with today, we can always do it tomorrow, if you want." he said quietly.

Jasper had this piece of hair hanging down over his left eye that was driving me nuts because it looked like it was going to poke him in the eye. I reached out and pulled it back, running my hand through his hair for just a moment.

"No, not if you're going to tell me what I think you are. I want to know. It seems Peter has to try hard to not mention certain things in front of me and I don't think that's really fair to him. I'll be fine. But, if you want to wait, I'll understand. You haven't had a great day, either. So the decision is yours. I want to go fishing with you, Jasper."

I wasn't looking at him at first, but when I did, I was taken aback.

I don't know how to describe his eyes at that point, but the butterscotch in them really stood out. He was intense, and there was fire in them. They were breathtaking. They were...

It was a few seconds later when he broke the silence. I took a breath.

"Alright. Let's go, then. It'll start getting dark soon and the fish will start to bite more, right?" Jasper had looked away. He looked nervous.

I was. I didn't know what the hell had just happened, and I didn't want to analyze it, either.

"Yes, that's right. I need to go grab my coat, first," but I couldn't look at him.

Jasper stood up, moved back, and I got up. "Don't forget your hat and gloves. I'm gonna see if Charlotte has a blanket to throw over your legs while you sit on the dock. We're not going far, but I'll grab you some water, too."

I finally looked at him. I smiled. "Alright, I'll be right down."

_What the fuck was that?_

***J*A*S*P*E*R***

**%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%**

_What the fuck was that? What the fuck am I doing? Shit. Shit, shit, shit..._

She had given me the perfect escape that I had been looking for. She had left it up to me and I could have had maybe an extra day or more to prepare for it. It took a lot to scare me, but at that moment I was a little fucking afraid. It was almost like what I would see and feel from her would finally execute me for my crimes against both our societies.

My judge and jury.

It felt like last night's dinner was going to surge out of my throat.

She had touched me.

When I had come in, she was crying. But, that anger that was radiating out of her reminded me of that moment in the car two days before when I had pissed her off by my choice of words. Her face was tear-stained, her eye lids were swollen and pink, and the brown in her eyes was liquid.

Her nose was all red from blowing it and she just looked...beautiful. Emotionally and physically imperfect and she was _fucking_ beautiful.

And then she touched me.

The desire rushed out of me and slammed into her like a motherfucking wrecking ball.

I wanted to pull her forward and smash those breasts of hers against my chest and pull the hair at the nape of her neck and breathe in her breath. I wanted to feel the lines of her body against me, and I wanted to feel the heat of her skin sear mine. I wanted her naked. I wanted her...

_Jasper._

To just go fishing with me. And maybe she could tuck that tight, black turtleneck into the waist of her jeans again, because it had pulled up a little on the side, and I could see some of her pale skin on her midriff.

She had been waiting for me to say something, and something did come out of my mouth, not even thinking it through because she said she wanted to go fishing. Of course, that would mean I would get to spend some time with her, and that's why I told her the only thing that came to mind. But after I said it?

_Shit. Shit, Shit, Shit,..._

***B*E*L*L*A***

**%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%**

We had taken a narrow trail in the Trailblazer to the north side of the lake. It was only a ten minute drive, but Jasper's driving skills were phenomenal, but terrifying. Not because he had been going too fast, but a couple of places along the trail would tilt the vehicle at an angle that was not in my best interest. It wasn't even a trail, it was just a break in the trees near the shore of the lake, rock and tree root ridden. Jasper laughed under his breath every now and then, because I was cursing under my breath.

After maneuvering around to park so we were facing the direction of the house when we left, he carried down the fishing poles, and a backpack that held my water, a blanket, and a tackle box. Jasper only let me carry myself. We had to walk down forty feet to a short boat dock that floated on the lake. Jasper had to help me in a couple spots because I could still only bend my foot a certain way. The water was perfectly clear, and you could see the stony and earthy bottom.

"So, what's your biggest?" I asked.

"My biggest what?" He looked at me curiously.

"Your biggest fish. I once caught an eighteen inch bass. That's my biggest bass. I've caught my share of the larger trout, though."

I looked out across the lake. Jasper didn't say anything, so I looked at him questioningly. He seemed a little embarrassed and he even groaned.

"Um, I've never caught anything. I lied. The only reason why is because Esme and Carlisle were worried that I'd only find disappointment instead of a distraction. What they didn't realize was that out there..alone on that lake, I was fine. So, they would ask if I caught any fish, and I would lie, just so they would relax. I did try. A lot. The fish seem to know that there's something very bad is on the other side of my line. Smart little fuckers, I guess. I think they can scent me off of the bait. I tried wearing gloves, but no good. Nothing." He looked down and off to the right.

"Why don't I try baiting your lure, but you cast. I can't cast at all." I said. I really couldn't. I managed to hook Charlie once, and Charlie always cast for me after that.

My heart sank.

"You okay?" Jasper asked. I looked at him and he looked worried. But, it also seemed that he knew what I was thinking about.

I nodded at him and smiled. Jasper didn't say anything, and I was glad.

We sat down at the end of the dock. The dock was about five feet wide, and it extended off the shore line about thirty feet. He sat down on my left and he took the tackle box from the backpack. I took a pole and pushed the reel release; pulling some line out from the catch. I threaded and knotted a lead, with a weighted hook on the end of his line. I took a worm out of the bait container, and slid the worm on the hook.

Jasper had also bought a container of salmon eggs. I put a couple on, with the worm. I looked up at him. He was watching me intently as I did the same to mine, except I used a spinner as a lure. Jasper cast mine out first, far into the lake. He grabbed the blanket from behind me and laid it out across my lap. Jasper cast his out, and we sat in silence.

His voice shocked me out of the silence. The air was still, but an uncomfortable atmosphere had slowly settled over us.

"Do you know how old I am?" he quietly asked.

I looked over at him and shook my head.

"I just turned a hundred and sixty four. I was twenty when I was changed. I was alive for the beginning of the Civil War. That's what lead me to this." Jasper motioned at himself with a wave of his hand.

I cleared my head and listened intently. I did not look at him as he told his story. Looking at him just made him more nervous and worried. I just looked out across the lake and listened to the hell his life became when Major Jasper Whitlock met his first vampire.

I listened as he talked about his entrance into the Confederate Army. He didn't really reflect a whole lot on the skirmishes or battles he was in. He only remembered bits and pieces, he said. He told me how he was promoted quickly through the ranks over the more experienced soldiers and officers. He told me of the night his life ended, when he met three beautiful women he had thought were evacuees from Galveston.

Jasper did not hold anything back, at least I don't think he did. When he talked about the three days after he was bitten by Maria, he described the burning agony he had been in while he changed. He still was unaware at the time about what was happening to him. I didn't look at him, but I noticed that the end of Jasper's pole was slightly shaking. He would stop every now and then, and pause for a moment. I was becoming more and more horrified as he described the life he was born into.

What horrified me was the fact that the fighting was simply over food, more or less. Cities and towns full of blood for the taking, people who were innocent and oblivious to the battles that raged on for years for their very lives.

Jasper told me how he first fought with his own members of the band of vampires he was in. He killed a lot of them, and Maria would need to replace them. She knew he was strong, and skilled like none of the others. He was eventually put in charge of the newborns that Maria and her sisters made. He trained them and gave them skills, strengthening their group. He told me he was rewarded often for his efforts.

"How were you rewarded?" I interrupted, my voice shaky as I asked. It took a minute before he answered.

"I fed more often than the others. A lot more often. Maria and her sisters also sought me out for...my and their own personal gratification, more or less," he answered quietly.

"You're talking about sex? You had sex with all of them? At the same time?" My shaky voice had risen, and I could not keep the disgust from my feelings.

"No, it was never like that. I also wasn't only exclusively for them, either. I won't lie, Bella. I certainly had more than my share of women back then," he said with an edge.

I could see his profile and he had turned to look at me. I looked at him and his eyes looked worried. Scared even. Like he felt that maybe he had said too much. I nodded my head quickly and looked down. I swallowed hard.

"Go on..." I prodded.

Jasper took a deep breath and continued. He told me of their conquests and how he eventually had made an army of twenty-three strong vampires. He explained that his ability had not completely defined itself, but he was able to make the others work together; to cooperate. They headed towards Monterrey, and Maria unleashed Jasper and his army on her enemies. They did not fail.

Jasper said that he himself had killed thousands of vampires over those years. Thousands. Jasper explained the Volturi's involvement in the south, how they would go in and exterminate the bands that grew out of control. Theirs had many close calls, and, out of the twenty-three, Jasper had been the only one to survive.

It was horrifying to think about what he had to go through to survive that. Jasper explained how Maria's sisters had tried to turn on her; they had wanted to take over some of the larger cities. Maria and Jasper didn't want to create attention. He helped Maria kill her sisters and they ran their group where she chose.

The revelation that left me unsettled was that Jasper had killed not only those that were his enemies, but every year he would kill the members of their band and they would start anew. Vampires that he would know for short periods of time. Decades later, in the late thirties, Jasper was out feeding and he came upon a man who helped change the course of his life.

Peter.

"We were up by the border between Mexico and Texas. He was a tourist, and I cornered him in an alley in Progresso, Mexico. He looked at me, and he...he knew. He knew what I was there for. He knew what I was. He didn't say anything to me, but I _felt_ it. I felt the realization...the recognition."

Jasper paused, and shook his head back and forth minutely while looking out at the lake. He let out short laugh under his breath.

"Peter was sweating profusely. Sweat literally fell off of him in streams. When I bit him, his scent hit me hard. It was awful. I could hardly stand to drink from him, it was so bad. I guess he had eaten something that didn't agree with him, too, because he crapped his pants and that just made things worse. I threw him away from me. He was still alive, so I had no choice but to bring him with me."

I don't know why, but some sick part of me found that funny. I was horrified and disgusted because he had taken Peter's life, but Jasper's face as he told this story was almost priceless. It was like he could remember the smell, so when I burst out in a fit of hysterical, frightened giggles, Jasper was only a little surprised.

"Was that the first time you ever threw out a meal?" I asked.

"Yeah, it was. But the bastard shit all over himself and I couldn't help it. It wasn't meant to be, thank God," he said, but in his smile there was pain, too.

Jasper continued to tell me how Peter and he became friends. He had remained useful, fought hard, and Jasper liked him. Peter was civilized and did not enjoy the fighting. He had become the band's babysitter when he had met Charlotte, who Maria had changed. Unbeknownst to Jasper, they had fallen in love, and when it was time for them to exterminate the older newborns, Peter grew angry and furious with Jasper when it was Charlotte's turn.

I knew how it would turn out, but it was still horrifying to hear. Peter had told Charlotte to run, and then he followed her. Jasper could have easily caught them, he said, but he did not want to destroy them. He did not want to kill the only friend he had made in the world.

Jasper told me how he became depressed. Through the years with Maria he began to mentally deteriorate as his gift became more pronounced. He could feel the horror and fear in his victims and he started to pay the price. Maria grew to resent him, and he had thought it was only a matter of time before she would try to kill him. He was going to get the upper hand and kill her when Peter returned for him. Peter convinced him to come with him to the north and he walked away. Peter gave him hope and he never looked back.

Jasper grew silent after he talked about Peter and Charlotte. It was completely still, even time seemed that way. I reflected back on the story he had told me and just thought about it all.

After a few more silent minutes, Jasper began to reel in his line slowly.

"What are you doing?"

Jasper wouldn't look at me. "I'm going to take you back to the house."

"But, why? We just got here," I said, irritated.

"Because Bella, you're radiating disgust, anger, disappointment, and revulsion. I don't know what your thoughts are, but your feelings are pretty clear. You don't need to pretend that you want to spend any more time with me. I don't blame you at all, so I'm taking you back." He said firmly.

I came unglued.

"You know what? Fuck you, Jasper! You have no fucking idea what I'm thinking so _fuck_ you! If I wanted to go, I would have told you a long time ago. What the fuck did you think I was going to feel after hearing something like that? Huh? Did you expect me to understand why you did those things? I do, to a point. Did you expect me to not show any kind of revulsion or disgust at the loss of innocent lives, whether for food or just to be changed to be some vampire soldier and die either in battle or by _your_ hands? It was a fucking waste. Am I disappointed because it took you...it took you so long to find out there was a better way to live, and to take the steps necessary to achieve that? Yes. More than disappointed. Don't you dare try and do my own fucking thinking for me. You've done it again by the way, after you promised you wouldn't do that. You wanna know who I blame? I blame that bitch. That evil, horrendous, Nazi bitch for taking your life and turning you into that goddamn monster..Jesus Christ."

At some point I had thrown aside my pole to the dock and stood up. Jasper had not moved and was looking at me with wide eyes. I was furious. How dare he expect me not to be disgusted at the loss of human lives involved? How dare he not ask me what my thoughts were? If he didn't want to know, why the hell even bother telling me the truth? He could have spun whatever tale he wanted to. Jasper started to stand up and talk, but I wasn't done.

"Bella,"

"_No_! You know what Jasper? Just shut the fuck up. You used to be real good at keeping to yourself, so just shut the fuck up. You don't blame me for my reaction? You were expecting it? You should have asked me how I felt, how it makes me feel, instead of reading me like an open, fucking book. You want to take me back to the house? Is that what's best for me? Well, guess what? You're just like that fucking self-righteous brother of yours. He thought he knew what was best for me, too. Well, fuck both of you!"

The tears were falling, and I was too far gone to even try to blink them out and away. They started flowing effortlessly as I tried to catch my breath. I made myself calm down. Jasper had stood up and was standing in front of me, but I wouldn't look at his face.

"You were horrible. You were a monster. You did some pretty fucking terrible things. Thousands, Jasper. You said it. Thousands dead. Maria took your life away from you, and turned you into something awful. She ripped your heart out of you and threw it away like garbage. She gave you no fucking hope for a peaceful existence. She gave you no reason to _have_ one. Peter gave you hope, he gave you something to look forward to. But why did it take so long for you to go and find your own way? Were you so far gone that you truly believed that there was no other way to exist?" I asked.

"When I was still a newborn, I ran away, but I had no idea where to go. I ran as far as I could and I went to Texas. I ran back to Houston, Bella. I went to see my father. I didn't know what I was going to do, where I was going to go, but I wanted to see him one last time. I didn't stop to feed on the way there. I just went. It was in the evening when I arrived. I went in through my old bedroom window. He was down in the kitchen, and I could smell him. I could hear his heartbeat. Two seconds later, when I dropped him, was when I finally realized what I had done. I killed my own father, Bella," he said, and it sounded like he was being strangled, and every day he blamed himself for it was in his eyes.

"I wanted to die. I just wanted to die. I ran back to Maria and I told her what I had done. I asked her to kill me. She wouldn't do it. I was too useful. She told me I would never find happiness without her, and I believed it. I believed it because I didn't deserve such a thing. The quickest way for me to die would be to stay with her and fight our enemies. The thing is though, I never could just let them take me down. I always fought and won. I couldn't die, but I should have. I had no hope, nothing that told me that there was something better out there, until Peter came back. I look in the mirror every day, Bella. That thing that I was stares back at me every time and that will never change. Never."

Jasper's tortured frown turned into one of determination. He blurred, and the next second he was standing before me with his shirts off; bare from the waist up in front of me.

I was taken aback at first. Jasper was ripped. His pale chest was perfectly sculptured, as was his abdomen. Shadows highlighted subtle muscle definition. His biceps bulged even with his arms relaxed at his sides. Not as big as Emmett's, but just as impressive.

I looked some more. There was something odd about some of his skin. I stepped forward to look at him more closely.

Jasper wouldn't look at me. His eyes were looking at something off to my left. Jasper's skin was pale, honed marble, but there was something else. His shoulders, neck, upper chest, and his upper arms was covered in silver crescent shapes. Some were standing straight out, layering over each other. His left shoulder was the worst, a complete groove of them marred his skin from the left side of his neck, over his shoulder to his upper back. Layers and layers of silver crescent marks. The pattern was different on the right side, and I followed the many paths that fell down his arm.

Jasper was trembling. I had never seen him so nervous, so uneasy before. He was waiting for my reaction, I suppose. I looked down at the single one on my hand. He was scarred terribly. He was imperfect.

He was beautiful.

My eyes found the newest addition to his battle wounds. On the front of his left shoulder was a mark that stood out from the others. Laurent's. I was at arms' length from Jasper, and I stepped forward. I could feel his eyes on me, and I only just glanced at him. Because I was going to touch him.

I looked back to his shoulder and I raised my hand to feel Laurent's bite. He twitched, but then settled. His skin was cold, but he didn't move as I ran my index finger along the shape. I looked at him all over again, over every scar. Thousands. Over a thousand reminders. I didn't know what to say. The tears just fell.

"Does it disgust you?" Jasper looked at me wearily.

"What are my feelings telling you? You like to read them so much. What do you feel from me?" I asked.

Jasper looked into my eyes. He raised his eyebrows a little and the corners of his mouth twitched. "Sorrow, guilt, regret, and...attraction."

_Oh, shit. He did catch that. _

I looked out at the lake. I could feel the heat in my face and neck. I responded, though it was weak.

"You're not exactly less appealing with your scars, you know. You're quite attractive."

I tried to say it indifferently and failed miserably.

Jasper cleared his throat. "If you're through ogling, I'll put my shirts back on." I shot a look at him and he was clearly trying not to laugh. But, he seemed excited, also. Jasper put his shirts back on and looked at my face. Blankly.

I sighed. Just as I was about to say what I was going to say, Jasper beat me to the punch.

"I'm not looking for your forgiveness, Bella. Not where my history is concerned."

"I know, but you want my acceptance, and you've got that. I told you, it wouldn't change my opinion of you and it hasn't. It's not my place to forgive you for the lives that you took. But I hope that you think they have. Including your father. You changed the course of your life when you left Maria. You've tried and you've succeeded at making the most of it. Peter just showed you the way. You're making amends. That's all you can do. He's forgiven you. I believe it. Because that's what..that's what father's do, because they love us. I believe it. So should you."

Of course my own came to mind, but that was an entirely different situation all together.

Jasper didn't say anything. He just looked at me with a little concern. He nodded a little. I don't think he believed that his father would have forgiven him, or all those people. But I believed they would have.

"Do you still feel like fishing?" He asked. His face was giving nothing away. But his eyes were liquid amber.

"Yeah, I do." I answered.

Jasper's bait had fallen off, so I threaded some salmon eggs on his lure. I reeled mine in and checked it. Mine was gone,too. Jasper cast both our lines out into the water. We both sat back down and he put the blanket back over my lap. It stayed quiet and calm as daylight descended.

It was twilight when Jasper's pole twitched. He jerked it and started reeling it in. Jasper caught about a three pound trout.

"You caught my dinner!"

He grinned wide and proud. But something else was in his eyes. I couldn't describe it.

I scaled the fish and filleted it as he looked on and laughed because it still grossed me out. I put it in a bag, and we headed home.

I didn't see Jasper for the rest of the evening. Peter was missing, too, along with Emmett and Carlisle. I cooked Jasper's fish in lemon juice and ate it for dinner. It was perfect.

After a shower, I eventually made my way to the library, and I found a non-fiction in the history section on the Civil War. I sat down on the couch and nodded off at some point.

I woke up when I felt movement. I was no longer on the couch and Jasper was carrying me to my room.

"You can put me down, I can walk."

"Shh. Just go back to sleep, I almost have you there."

Jasper put me down only at bedside, and I pulled back the covers and got in. He pulled the covers up as I propped myself up on my elbow.

"Where did you go?"

"I was with Carlisle, Emmett, and Peter. They heard you yelling at me when we were out at the lake. Evidently, they were out collecting limbs for kindling, or so they told me. They wanted to make sure I survived. They're all just fucking nosy."

"Did you tell them to mind their own business?" I asked.

"Of course, and I physically persuaded them, too," he said. Jasper sat down on the edge of the bed. His eyes met mine, and they seemed to be glowing.

Jasper broke the silence after a few seconds of silence from the both of us.

"Well, get some sleep. You've had a long day, and so have I." Jasper didn't move. He was still looking at me intently.

He stood up and tentatively bent down and kissed me right on the lips. It wasn't a light peck.

It was a kiss.

"Goodnight, Bella."

"Goodnight." I said. He turned around and left the room, shutting the door softly behind him.

It took me forever to go to sleep. I thought about all that had happened. It also took me forever because I was still thinking about Jasper's kiss. My lips still tingled. I was wondering what had brought it on, and I was wondering why I kissed him back.

It didn't feel wrong. It was just a friendly goodnight kiss.

Somewhere in my thoughts about the day and Jasper, I fell asleep.

**%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%**

***J*A*S*P*E*R***

I sat in the same tree. I brought a book with me and tried to read, but my thoughts wouldn't let me.

Peter came strolling out just like he had the night before. When he took his spot, his shit eating grin graced his face once more.

"You might want to slow down a little. It's too soon. Do it the right way." he said.

I gave up.

"I don't know what the right way is."

"You'll figure it out. The first step is time. Time for both of you. Time to heal." He cautioned.

"Okay."

Time I had plenty of.


End file.
